


When The Day Met The Night

by katelai



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Babies, F/M, Friendship, Love, Military, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-28
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-01 05:44:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 52,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18329804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katelai/pseuds/katelai
Summary: Set during season 6, Luke finds out that his contract with the Army has been renewed and has to leave Lorelai's side. All of their plans are thrown astray and both are left wondering what will become of their future.





	1. When The Moon Found The Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 04/02/2019 — Officially posting this to AO3  
> A/N 04/02/2010 — I'm converting this story over from the BWR! I plan to continue to update it until it's complete.  
> A/N 05/28/2009 — Okay I decided it was high time to channel my emo into something more creative. 
> 
> I want to give you guys some back story first, so this makes a little sense. Lorelai and Rory had their big epic falling out, but made up soon after. L/L are engaged, but it's somewhere in the beginning of August where this story picks up, so close to the beginning of Season 6.
> 
> The story is named for a song by Panic! At The Disco.

_When the moon found the sun_

_He looked like he was barely hanging on_

_But her eyes saved his life_

_In the middle of summer_

The things you do for the people you love... sometimes they get so twisted, you get so tied up in the idea that this will make that person happy, that you lose sight of the road in front of you. You lose sight of the writing on the wall, the facts of your life, the others around you.

There was that picture on the wall in Luke's apartment, a young man of 18 in a military uniform, Marines maybe? He had a white hat on. Lorelai always thought that it was Luke's father, it was so... old feeling, black and white, a young old fashioned smile. It fit so perfectly between the fishing poles that she really ever gave it much thought.

The truth of the matter is that it was something Luke had done to forget being abandoned by his entire family. His parents were gone for good, he was alone. If he let those thoughts crowd his mind any longer while laying still in an empty dust covered office, just because it didn't feel as empty as the house, well he probably would have died soon after due to malnutrition. That only thing that made him feel alive again, that made his tormented mind feel settled, was running so hard that he would almost not be able to breath from the fire in his lungs. So he enlisted, he knew if he became a Marine, they would push him so hard he wouldn't have any choice but to live. The serving his country, the being in war, well it didn't cross his mind for a second, all he wanted was to forget.

And he was lucky, amongst his fellow soldiers, he did seem to stand out. He made it to Sergeant in only two years and got the recognition of his peers, but soon realized that his heart wasn't in it. He had gotten what he wanted, his heart was freshly scarred, but starting to heal, and he was almost able to accept losing his father and mother so young. And fortunately for Luke, a torn tendon in his knee was all it took to be discharged, to head home to Stars Hollow, not quite a war hero, but something at least.

No one really knew that Luke was in the Marines, strangely enough, he wasn't much for words, as we all know. He tucked his uniform and paraphernalia away in an old trunk, hung that picture on the wall, as it had come with the frame and he opened his diner.

Unfortunately, as well all know, one of the rules of life is that everything happens for a reason. Luke brushed his service aside as being something he had to do for his own mental health. Of course, life isn't as forgiving as that, and soon this old secret of his, although noble and admirable for an American citizen, would soon tear his world apart.

It started with a military proviso during the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan that soldiers, particularly Marines in ground troupes, would soon be able to continue service after certain knee injuries. Enlisted numbers were growing short and the war was escalating.

One afternoon in Luke's Diner, Lorelai was seated on a stool picking at some chili fries as Luke went over his traditional speech on how it would kill her one of these days. For some reason, on that particular day, Luke had woken up on the wrong side of the bed and his comments were a bit harsher than normal. Lorelai picked up on this and asked him what was up. The moment Luke took a breath to respond to her the bells above the Diner door jingled and two uniformed Marine officers entered. The moment Luke saw them his heart dropped into his belly and his hands went clammy.

The first one, wearing a gold leaf on each shoulder to signify himself as a Major, approached Luke. "Sergeant Danes?" he asked.

At this, Lorelai's jaw dropped and she immediately looked Luke in the eye for confirmation. Luke nervously turned from the Major to Lorelai, distractedly he responded, "Yes..."

The second uniformed officer, adorned with a single silver bar on each shoulder, handed Luke a letter. Both of them saluted Luke, who without thought returned the solute, and watched them walk out of the diner.

"Sergeant?" Lorelai asked incredulously. "Sergeant Danes?"

Luke hardly heard her as he stared at the paper in his hands, the torn open envelope clutched in his left fist. His jaw was slack, his face had gone pale and sweat bean to bead on his temples. "Luke?" Lorelai asked again, worried about what he held in his hands.

~Luke's Apartment~

"You're in the Marines?! You're... you... why didn't you ever say anything Luke?!" Lorelai pressed Luke for answers, her arms wrapped around her mid section, a confused and hurt expression on her face.

Luke was still staring at this piece of paper, except now he was seated in a chair in his kitchen, a beer in front of him, his hat sitting on the table. "That's not all..." he told her, quietly, afraid of her reaction.

Lorelai felt her gut contract, her heart started to pound as she reached for the chair in front of her.  
"Sit down Lorelai." The moment her butt hit the chair her eyes started to well up, she was afraid she already knew what he was going to tell her. He began, "I joined up when I was 18... after my Dad died, you... you didn't know me back then, I was broken, I wanted to kill myself... a recruiter came into town and it seemed like the only thing I could do... then I got discharged after two years for a torn ACL..."

"And they just wanted to stop by and say hey what's up?" Lorelai asked through the tears starting to fall from her eyes. Luke had never been able to see her cry without feeling a twinge in his gut; he put his hand on her knee. He knew she knew, but he also knew she needed to hear it from him.

"They changed the regulations... and I still had three years left..."

"Luke you're almost 40! They can't do this!" Lorelai said almost irate all of a sudden, standing up, demanding another reaction from him.

"I have to report to the military base in New Haven next week," was all Luke could give her, before he placed the paper on the table with defeat.

And that was it. Lorelai made Luke contact a Lawyer, who ever so kindly informed them that if Luke evaded the military, he'd be court marshaled and would face a few years in a federal prison. The only way to avoid service would be to fail a physical and if he forced harm upon himself, that lovely court marshal again.

Their last week together, although Lorelai tried to accept the inevitable and show Luke she loved him... she really couldn't help but wonder what the hell was supposed to happen. And Luke being Luke, he could read her like a book, he noticed her false front, how broken up and devastated she was. Three years, three whole years... heck they hadn't even been dating for three years. And three years ago now? She was engaged to that Max guy, he hadn't even married Nicole yet. A lot could happen in three years.

Neither of them, during that last week, were really able to talk about what might happen between them, to their relationship, for that length of time. Lorelai, when she tried to talk to Luke about it, just crumbled in front of him and Luke feared that if he brought it up, his heart wouldn't be able to take whatever outcome they would agree on. Also, Luke was afraid that if she did make him discuss it, he would break down and in far worse a way than any dark day he'd ever been through. So both of them occupied themselves with the tasks at hand, Luke with making sure the diner would survive three years without him. Lorelai, with gathering up Luke's things to take with him and tailoring his uniforms.

More for himself than anything, on Luke's second to last night, he made love to Lorelai all night long. He breathed in her scent, savored her smooth skin, tried as best he could to memorize the way her body felt pressed up against his own. He whispered constant words of adoration and love into her ears, told her she could do anything, be anyone, that he was so proud of her. And all Lorelai got, she gave back, knowing they didn't have much time left for those things soon.

When Lorelai woke up the next morning, later than usual, after all the love-making, Luke was not on his side of the bed. All of his things were gone, even his little tube of toothpaste in the bathroom was missing. His side of the closet was cleared out and Lorelai's favorite light blue flannel she kept in her pajama drawer was gone. Heart racing, Lorelai ran as fast as she could into the kitchen and found the coffee brewed, breakfast in the microwave and a note sitting under a yellow daisy on the table. Her heart just about pounded out of her chest, her vision started to black out in large bubbles and blurs of tears. Cautiously and shakily, Lorelai took the seat in front of her and stared at the note, at the daisy, willing herself to breath, afraid of seeing what that letter said.

It probably took her half the day to read two pages of Luke's messy scrawl, she had to read and reread, her mind constantly panicking and drifting off, her concentration long gone.

 

 _Lorelai,_  

_First please let me say how much I love you and how much I'll miss you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me in this small crazy town, I don't know where I would have ended up if you hadn't rushed into my diner that one morning in a caffeine frenzy. You are the first thing on my mind when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think of before going to sleep. I don't know if I could ever really make you understand how much I love you and for how long it's been._

_And that's why I'm not there this morning, it's killing me Lorelai, to even think that I'm going to spend a day away from you. I don't want you to see me like this, I need to be strong for you, I know how hard this is going to be on you. I wish I hadn't torn my damn ACL, I wish so many things had happened differently, I wish my Dad hadn't died, I wish I could stay there with you. I want... Oh fuck it, Lorelai, I wanted to marry you and I wanted to have kids with you, I wanted to make a home with you, grow old by your side and die with you._

_You said it yourself, I'm almost 40 and I don't know what the hell is going to happen out there. I mean I see the news every morning, I hear stories, families devastated and it kills me to think that I'm going to do that to you. So I'm- Lorelai, please please please please understand, you need to move on, you need to- I know this is awful Lorelai, I know how horrible this is. But you need to move on, you need to forget about me, three years and the things that are happening, it would kill me if you waited only to lose me or you were too old to- what if after three years, they decide, three more! I know it's going to kill you, it's killing me right now. But I can't make you wait, I can't let you wait for me._

_I've been thinking about this all week. I know you'll be able to move on, you're a strong amazing woman, I've never known anyone else like you. I know you can do this, I know you can move on, I think about three years ago and see how different things were back then. I'm sorry I did this in a letter but I know if I told you this morning... you would have convinced me to not let you go, to run away with you, anything but leave you... I'm weak for you._

_Lorelai... find a guy that is strong and can take care of you if you let him, a man that will make you happy and love you. Even if it's Christopher, just make sure he makes you happy. I just want you to be happy, it's the only fair thing I can do for you._

_I took my things so you won't have to see them or make a Luke box... You should keep the ring, sell it if you're running low or throw it in a river or a lake, or if you really can't bear to have it, send it to Jess, I don't want you to keep it if it's just going to hurt you. I know I'm hurting you and I'm so sorry, this thing that's happening, maybe it was a sign... I'm not one for signs, but, any reason I can find now, it'll make it easier for both us._

_Just be happy, you have to be happy, that's all I want._

 

_Love,  
Luke_

When she finally got through the letter it was almost completely soaked with tears, she had sobbed so much that her throat was hoarse and she could hardly breath. She called the diner, to see if he'd answer, but when Caesar picked up she hung up, afraid that she sounded as horrible as she felt. His cell phone was disconnected, he was officially gone, even his truck and boat were nowhere to be found, the apartment above the diner locked and bolted.

_So she said, "That's okay_   
_As long as you can make a promise_   
_Not to break my little heart_   
_Or leave me all alone in the summer."_


	2. I'm Scared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to find a song that fits each chapter, lyrics in this one are from I'm Scared by Duffy. Also since my normal beta is completely engrossed in the Sims 3 and hardly coming up for air, thanks to Erin to doing the Beta on this one!

_The blank pages of my diary,_   
_That I haven't touched since you left me,_   
_The closed blinds in my home,_   
_See no light or day,_   
_Dust gathers on my stereo,_   
_'Cause I can't bare to hear the radio,_   
_The piano sits in a shaded space,_   
_With a picture of your face_

He knew she wouldn't be able to function that day or the next one, he knew she'd probably sit in that kitchen chair, ignore the coffee and breakfast and cry. It broke his heart knowing what he was doing to her, so he continuously reminded himself that it was for the best. The cab he called that morning looked like a hearse and he felt like he was being carted off to his grave. Every mile that separated Luke from Star's Hollow made him feel more and more dead inside.

Rory found her mother in bed on Saturday morning, clutching a yellow daisy and a crumpled piece of paper to her chest. In truth, Luke anticipated Lorelai's reaction, so he made sure that her daughter would be there at least the next day, to ensure she wouldn't be alone. After all, no one should have to be alone after something like that.

"Mom?" Rory asked timidly, sitting on the edge of Lorelai's bed, her hand on her mother's shoulder. "Mom...?" she asked again, afraid of what else she could say.  _Are you okay?_  was a silly question to ask, as the answer was obvious.  _This sucks_. A silly statement that might make her feel worse. But then she came up with the perfect thing; "I love you, Mom."

Lorelai struggled to smile and put her hand on Rory's arm. "He left me, Rory..." she finally managed to say as a few tears drifted down her cheek. Sniffling, Lorelai wiped the moisture with her palm, unsure of what else she could do or say.

Rory moved to lay by her mother's side, wrapped her arms around Lorelai and soothingly rubbed her arm. At this, Lorelai clutched the letter in her hands tighter, crinkling the paper and disturbing the silence in the room. "Did he send you?" Lorelai asked.

While nodding Rory simply said, "Mmhm." And at that, Lorelai drifted off to sleep, as she hadn't been able to do the night previous. Rory watched her mom slumber through the pale yellow morning light, crying lightly herself; the hurt was incredibly palpable.

 _I'm scared to face another day,_  
_'Cause the fear in me just won't go away,_  
_In an instant_  
_You were gone,_  
_And now I'm scared..._

Luke found himself lost in thought during the entire cab ride, wondering about Lorelai, wondering about his life, about how it might be too hard to come back when she moved on. Before he knew it, the cabby was telling him they had arrived and he found himself standing in front of a door with a bag in his hand, trying to remember if he paid the driver. And truth be told, Luke really had no idea what was in store for him once he stepped through that door. He had been given an information packet but was too overwhelmed to even open it.

The Marines didn't waste any time twiddling their thumbs. First thing the next morning, he sat in a large truck being carted to another base for three weeks of boot camp. What little hair sat on his head was shaved, his belongings were searched like he was a common criminal and he was told when to eat, drink, sleep, spit, shit and swear. It was a relief, really; the physical exertion left little blood left for a tormented brain, and Luke soon found that he was able to zone out avoiding most of his thoughts so time could pass by faster. And when he'd let his mind think even a little thought about anything else, he'd once again feel the knot in his gut that pulsated with emotional pain, the piece of Lorelai that he had taken with him. He hoped that it'd dull after time, but for now, he could ignore it with every mile he ran, every weapon he fired and every pit of mud he crawled through.

 _Coffee stains on your favorite book,_  
_Remind me of you so I can't take a look,_  
_The magazines you left on the floor,_  
_You won't need them anymore,_  
_A towel left hanging on the wall,_  
_No sign of wet footsteps in the hall,_  
_There's no smell of your sweet cologne,_  
_I'm lying here alone_

Lorelai was back at work that next week, knowing she couldn't take another day of prerecorded VHS compilations or staring blankly at a pile of fabric, willing it into another dress. Besides, when she managed to dig through her sewing kit, she was greeted by scraps of material from Luke's uniform and was devastated and repulsed at the same time. The Dragonfly had a private office for her to hide away at, a desk covered in paperwork, dim lights, the comforting glow of an old computer and an ample supply of coffee. For once in her life, she was relieved it wasn't Luke's coffee.

It did help that she was angry, supremely and utterly so-one could even say infuriated and irate. She had moved past the first stage of grief and she enjoyed the ride that anger gave her; it helped her work and get through her day. The anger helped her forget how hurt and betrayed she felt, although it didn't make sleep come any easier and that soon became the most dreaded part of her day. She would either dream of Luke being oh-so-Luke-like, loving her or laughing with her, holding her, kissing her... or she'd dream of a Luke lost, hurt or dead or once, no longer in love with her. Both kinds of dreams were equally devastating and it made her reject sleep until the last possible moment, hoping that maybe the dreams wouldn't come that night due to sheer exhaustion.

And by telling no one of what happened, of course, all of Stars Hollow knew about it. Everywhere Lorelai turned someone was standing there with a look of pity on their face, which as we all know, is the last sight a grieving person needs or wants. And it was the worst when it came from her daughter and her best friend. Had no one lost a loved one in that town? It seemed like no one knew just how hard it really was.

Especially awkward was that first day back to work; the moment she sat behind her desk and turned her computer on, she had managed to completely zone out. When she glanced to her computer monitor again she was greeted with a screen saver slide show of her and Luke, holding each other, laughing,  _happy_. Which caused her pain to overshadow her anger and the tears began to stream down her face once more, ruining whatever mascara she'd managed to apply that morning. And of course, Sookie came into her office that moment to force her to eat breakfast.

The standard unwanted comforting routine was given, as any good best friend knows, but the conversation soon veered off course. "You know he'll never stop loving you..." Sookie let slip before thinking about her words.

"Sook... just..." Lorelai managed to say from behind her desk, her face in her hands.

"Well... Sweetie, you know that... don't you? I mean - he's Luke, he'll come back, no matter what that stupid letter says."

"You don't know that Sookie! And I mean, even if it's true, I have know way of knowing for sure!" The fury was coming back. Lorelai was soon standing and saying these things more forcefully than normal, in a tone she didn't often take with Sookie. "It would have been easier if he had died, Sookie! I mean, then I would know he was gone and I could work on actually  _moving on_. But now he's in some kind of fucked up limbo where I don't know if he'll come back. I mean, what if I do move on like he wants me to? Find some other guy, knowing I'm totally in love with Luke still, and then Luke comes back. I mean, how fucked up would that be? And you know if he does come back...  _alive_... it-it'll be to Stars Hollow, he's too... too...  _Luke_  not to!" With those last few words, especially  _alive_ , Lorelai almost lost it again. She bit her bottom lip hard to avoid another emotional episode, concentrating on the metallic taste of blood in her mouth.

Sookie slowly sat in the chair across from Lorelai's desk, a shocked expression on her face. She started to play with a pink Band-Aide on her hand, staring at it intently. "Sweetie..." she said, unable to make eye contact, at a loss for words and defeat in her voice.

Lorelai sat down with a puff of air expelling from her lungs, suddenly feeling guilty about winning that conversation. "Don't worry about it... I'll be fine." And with that she began to shuffle papers on her desk after hastily turning her computer screen off.

Luke's days weren't much easier, but at least no one knew him. The only person there to pity him or scold him was himself. In a world of strangers, this soft-spoken man soon lost most of his relationship with words, only really speaking now when hard pressed to. And don't be fooled; this new quality of Luke's made him a wonderful soldier, and his superiors soon took notice. Instead of following the men in their training exercises, Sergeant Danes started leading them through, unwittingly proving to the Marines that their decision in calling him back was right.

A pad of paper, alternating between sitting on his bunk, in his bag, on his knee, tormented him to no end. His yellow notepad with the black lines sat ready, his pen constantly poised over the first line, the pad waiting for him to start. Soon he managed to write a  _Lorelai_  and a comma, but couldn't get any farther. He didn't even know what he wanted to say to her, but she was the only one he felt  _right_  to write. The thought of writing a letter to Jess or Liz made him feel like a scared kid at camp; Liz wouldn't understand or care about his daily rituals and Jess would probably just poke fun. Ironically enough, Lorelai was the one he managed to destroy on his way out of Stars Hollow, but he hoped she'd understand that he still wanted to be her friend. Luke was constantly convincing himself that she did or didn't want to hear from him. He was afraid if he started to write it, he'd beg her to take him back or start telling her to move on. The truth was, he didn't know how to write to her as a friend, and so, he kept putting it off. And he knew without a doubt that he didn't really want her to move on.

"Hey Danes," a younger man said, moving to sit beside Luke on his bunk. Luke gripped his pen tightly and rubbed the side of his face. "Who's Lorelai?" the young man asked him, peering at the notepad in Luke's lap.

Luke put the pad beside him and crossed his arms, shaking his head, trying to think of the right way to describe her, or, not. "She's uh... she's..." Luke said, shaking his head.

The younger man crossed his arms to emulate Luke and smiled, "Ahhh she's one of  _those_." Luke, noticing this man's behavior, smiled and nodded. "She waiting for you?"

And with that, Luke's smile was distinguished. "No," he said definitively, clenching his jaw, flexing his crossed arms, his hands in fists. "McCann... isn't there somewhere you have to be?"

Sean McCann, knowing how to take a hint, nodded and rose from the bed. "Danes, we're gonna be stationed together. I'll wear ya down eventually," he said. Smiling, a devilish glint in his eye, he winked at Luke and turned to leave the barrack. Taking a few calming breaths, Luke soon stood and followed Sean out the door.

Once boot camp was over, and they were sufficiently trained in whatever the Marines needed them to know; Luke and Sean were both assigned to the same company destined for Afghanistan.

Heading for their final destination, as the plane took off, Luke couldn't help but think about the numbness he felt in his heart, nothing like the pain he felt in the taxi cab on his way out from Stars Hollow. He wondered, had he finally died inside? And then he felt that too-familiar pull from the knot in his gut and he realized he still had a long way to go.

_In an instant you were gone,  
I'm scared..._

And of course, Lorelai started to work herself into her grave, like everyone expected. Pulling into the Dragonfly's parking lot at six in the morning from not sleeping the night before, falling asleep at her desk; going home after nine reluctantly letting sleep take her. Her stomach was sour and so she didn't eat much ; the most sustenance she saw was from that which Sookie or Rory forcefully compelled her to consume. Even then, she found herself praying to the porcelain god on a daily basis, wondering what she did to deserve such a thing.  _It wasn't this hard last time_ , she routinely thought to herself,  _when am I going to wake up?_  Her private self-pitying thoughts ran through her head, ones she'd never dare tell another living soul.

Lorelai mused that her name really meant "unending spiral of defeat" the day Sookie found her ejecting her breakfast in the Inn's bathroom. "Honey... are you pregnant?" her friend asked her with a voice tinged with concern.

 _I can't be... I can't be... I'm not supposed to do this alone a second time_... Lorelai thought, as her words caught in her throat, staring at Sookie, mouth agape. And with that Lorelai was forced out the door of the inn, to take the day off, to go to a drug store,  _whatever_. Those were Sookie's words, almost exactly.

So she bought the stick-correction,  _sticks_ -that you ever so gracefully hold under your stream of urine like a cave woman pondering her innards. The stick things were in ample supply at Doose's Market, but unfortunately, the gossip mill was in eternal open season, which guaranteed that every stick thing was probably from 1979 when the market was originally opened. So the Jeep made it's way, far far far away from that little market and the well-to-do townfolk. It ended up in a less than savory neighborhood in Hartford, probably another cursed location asking for a cursed encounter, but it would have to do! Of course, the thing that could have made her trip to the drug store in Hartford as embarrassing as possible was a run in with her mother. Thankfully, that day in her mother's home city, she did not encounter the woman, which Lorelai finally took delight in, and no matter how fleeting, she felt a little more like herself.

Adorned with a scarf and sunglasses a la  _Thelma and Louise_ , Lorelai approached the checkout counter with a hand basket filled to the brim with every kind of test possible, plus the adorable Hello Kitty stationary on clearance. Like a spy on the prowl she approached the checkout counter, slightly hunched, a woman on a mission. Shoulders raised, head down, she bashfully smiled at the attendant. The bangles song running on repeat in her head was suddenly cut short when she heard the one word she didn't know she'd dread the most that day. "Lor?"

 _Pretend you don't hear it, hunch more!_  She schooled herself, trying to signal the cashier to  _hurry the fuck up_!

But there it was again, the telltale "Lor?" Her elbow was grabbed and she spun around, beat red and smiling awkwardly.

"Oooh Chris! Hey!" She said, mustering all the fake happiness she could possibly conjure on a day like that.

Making small talk, her back to her basket, the cashier and her loot, she managed to dispose of the-Christopher-phenomenon before he could notice what she was hiding. He mentioned something about calling her later and  _so sorry about Luke_ , before leaving.

Agape again, was her facial expression, except this time it was in front of CVS with a giant shopping bag filled with pregnancy tests, dressed up like Thelma (or Louise).  _So sorry about Luke?! How the eff does Christopher know about Luke. And what poetic justice is this? I'm 'bout to have Luke's maybe-baby and Chris starts calling on me again..._

Well for Lorelai, after the anger, sadness, confusion, shame, loneliness, hopelessness, it all suddenly morphed into one giant numb feeling. Without realizing it, she somehow arrived from the drugstore to her bathroom, her Newly-Luke-Remodeled-Bathroom, clutching a shopping bag containing the envy of pregnant teenagers everywhere.  _My life can't be this ironic_ , she thought as she moved to try the first test, removing it from the box and sitting on the toilet. Now that's a good Lorelai, back bent like you're picking the insects from someone else's back hair, for a nice afternoon snack, watching to make sure the stream is indeed flowing over the tip of the stick thing. What could be more graceful?

With an exasperated grunt, she took the stick-thingy, propped it on the counter, tip over the edge of the sink, grabbed another test and repeated the process until she did not have enough fluid to continue. Not bothering to stand from the toilet, Lorelai bent over, resting her elbows on her knees, rubbing her toes together while holding her head in her hands, hair framing her face in a curtain of loose curly waves. Mentally she zoned out again until she was startled by a pregnancy test tumbling over onto the floor. It landed so perfectly that the tip was propped between her toes, so that she couldn't mistake the result.

"Fuck!" she whispered as she jumped up and moved towards the counter. While pointing at one at a time she shouted, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"


	3. Untouchable Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Untouchable Face by Ani Defranco.

_Think I'm going for a walk now_

_I feel a little unsteady_

_I don't want nobody to follow me_

_'Cept maybe you_

_I could make you happy you know_

_If you weren't already_

_I could do a lot of things_

_and I do_

In a small bright room Lorelai laid on a rubber bed, wearing a hospital gown, legs in stirrups, with one arm propped under her head. She stared at the ceiling above her, trying to ignore her current discomfort and quietly hoping that the tests being conducted came up negative.  _It would be so much easier that way_. She didn't even react when her doctor removed the speculum, her mind too busy doing what it had been doing since she took all those pregnancy tests. She heard her doctor say,  _all done_ , and quickly turned to look at her.

Six weeks along she said, and then she started to go on about prenatal vitamins, Lorelai once again zoned out of reality, going deep inside of her head. She hadn't allowed herself to go  _there_  yet, to think about how this will affect Luke, how she'll tell him, how she'll deal with it. She wondered if she was okay with the idea of an abortion, and the moment she thought it her gut clenched, she tossed the idea aside.

"Are you in contact with the father?" The doctor asked, stirring Lorelai back to reality.

"Oh uh... Yeah well, he's in the Marines, stationed in Afghanistan," Lorelai managed to say, shocking herself at how odd it sounded.

"Oh, I'm sorry, well, just stop by the desk out front to pick everything up. Congratulations again! And let me know if you have any questions."

"Thanks," Lorelai responded mindlessly, watching the doctor close the door behind her. She laid there for a minute longer, arm still propped behind her head, until she realized once more where she was.

Lorelai ambled through that day like she was a zombie, a blank look on her face, as she mentally ran herself in circles. She knew what she had to do but she just couldn't bring herself to accept the truth yet. She found herself in the bustling Dragonfly kitchen, Sookie busy in the center chopping vegetables.

"Sookie I'm pregnant," Lorelai spit out, unconscious of the other people in the room. And with that one statement all production stopped, Sookie's jaw dropped a moment before she crossed the room and dragged Lorelai into her office.

"You're sure?" Sookie asked first, once the door was closed.

"Yeah... I just got back from the OBGYN, six weeks," Lorelai responded, visibly numb and vacant, plopping down into her desk chair.

"Oh so... you're going to keep it," Sookie pressed, pulling up a guest chair from across Lorelai's desk.

Lorelai looked down at her hands. "Yes."

"Have you told Luke?"

And with that there was silence.  _I want to tell Luke,_ Lorelai screamed in her mind,  _but I don't want to tell Luke. How do I tell Luke?_ Lorelai just shook her head.

"Sweetie, you  _have_  to tell Luke!"

"I know! It's just, I'm all screwed up Sook, I know what I have to do, I'm just not ready to face it, I guess. I'm mad at him because I miss him-well I was-I feel so out of it now. I'm so screwed up."

Sookie leaned forward in her seat, "It's understandable, you've been through a lot. You don't have to do anything today, sleep on it okay?" Lorelai nodded in agreement. "Honey, you're going to love that kid, you know that right?"

A small smile crept onto Lorelai's face as the realization of being pregnant meant having a _baby,_ finally started to dawn on her. And then she thought about how she would have to do it all alone,  _again_ , and closed her eyes tightly. "Sook," Lorelai croaked, starting her feel her eyes burn with tears, "Can I just have a minute alone?"

"Yeah sure honey, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."

 

_So fuck you_

_And your untouchable face_

_And fuck you_

_For existing in the first place_

_And who am I?_

_That I should be vying for your touch_

_And who am I?_

_I bet you can't even tell me that much_

 

"Hey Danes, ya know, there's such a thing called email. Instantaneous, instant gratification, you know, this new technological achievement of humankind. I know you're pretty damn old, but I woulda thought even you'd know about it!"

"Stuff it McCann... I don't have a computer," Luke responded agitated, still trying to write that letter, this time from his cot in the tent he now shared with Sean McCann.

"Danes, you know you're my homie, you can use mine! I even have a webcam, so you can skype it up with the ladies," McCann said cheekily, waving his MacBook around in the air. "Do you have an email account?"

Luke sighed and rubbed his face, "Yeah I do, Lorelai made me set one up before she left, made me put everyone in my address book even though I told her I wouldn't use it."

"Lorelai sounds like a smart lady, got a picture of her?" McCann asked, moving to sit by Luke on the cot, with his laptop tucked under his arm.

"Yeah... she packed one in my bag somewhere," Luke responded, not bothering to look up, afraid that he'd have to take it out, he hadn't had the guts to do so yet.

"Well let me see. Jeez, Danes, I'm not your monkey, stop trying to make me dance!"

Luke rubbed his tired eyes again before reaching under his cot for his duffel bag, in which he rooted around until he found the notebook Lorelai packed for him. Not only did it have pictures of her, Rory, Jess, Liz & TJ, it contained his email login info and phone numbers, just in case. Luke stared at the notebook, labeled in Lorelai's loopy scrawl, "Sergeant Luke Danes".

Sean, sensing Luke's trepidation, took the notebook from his hands and opened it to the first page, where Lorelai stared up at him. She was beaming with happiness, her hair curly and dark, her eyes the brightest of blues. This caused Sean to gasp and look at Luke with his mouth open, "Danes... you're a dog! Dude, she is so freekin' hot! You said she's single now?!"

With that, Luke snatched the book out of Sean's grasp and shoved it back into his duffel. Sean didn't let this phase him, "Seriously I cannot believe you dumped that chick, you're one certifiable dumb-ass Danes. If I had a woman like that I'd never let her look at another man again, no matter where I was. Afghanistan, Iraq, the moon, another whole freekin' galaxy for Christ's sake!"

"Goddammit, McCann, it's not that easy!" Luke responded exasperatedly.

"Whatever man, here, check your damn email," Sean responded, shoving the laptop in Luke's lap. "You know how to use a mac?" Observing Luke staring at the screen blankly, Sean proceeded to help him get logged into his email account. "Okay... Luke Danes at gmail dot com, you're all set! And look at that, not only did your lady email you, you got some from a Jess, Elizabeth... uh and a Kirkielu. Huh, Kirkielu, must be one damn ugly chick."

Leaving the laptop in Luke's capable hands, Sean left the tent to go find some dinner.

-ooo-

_Hey Uncle Luke,_

_I bet you love military fatigues, even less effort for you in the morning! Well anyway... things are going well at Truncheon, working on my book, not a lot else going on._

_Everyone is thinking about you, some of the guys and I are putting some funds together to send you some body armor. Don't bother arguing about it, it'll make Liz and Lorelai happy._

_Stay in touch,_

_Jess_

-ooo-

_Hey Big Bro,_

_We're really missin' ya! I'm so bummed I didn't get to say bye, that stupid ren faire schedule and you must've been really busy getting ready to leave. TJ and I are thinking about you every day, please be careful, we really love you. I took that picture of you in Dad's old office, of you when you first joined the Marines. I hope you don't mind, we hung it up in our kitchen._

_Jess is doing really great in Philly. I know I've said it tons, but thank you so much for taking him in a few years ago, you really helped the kid out._

_Lorelai gave me your shipping address so we're gonna send you a care package. Don't worry, there won't be any Mallomars in it like Lorelai told us to send, it's gonna be all fruity nutty heathy crap and a few dirty magazines._

_We all really miss ya bro._

_Love,_

_Liz_

-ooo-

_Hiya Luke!_

_This is Lulu, Kirk asked me to send you an email asking about fishing. He wanted to start taking tourists to the lake to teach them how to fish and knew you were quite the fisherman. I told him it was probably a good idea to get advice from someone in town, but he insisted on us emailing you about it. He also said that you had taught Lorelai to fish once and that she was quite the accomplished fisherwoman now because of it._

_Kirk really does adore you Luke, and he misses your presence in the diner. To tell you the truth, you really put Kirk in his place most of the time, and he's gotten a little wild since you've left!_

_But if you have any fishing wisdom to impart, it would make Kirks day. Maybe throw in a few expletives, to give him the feeling like you're really there._

_Sincerely,_

_Lulu for Kirk_

-ooo-

_Luke,_

_I hope things are well there. I don't know what else to say, you just left. It was a hard day, thanks for calling Rory._

_You could have at least left the blue shirt or let me say goodbye._

_So here it is: Goodbye, Luke._

_~Lorelai_

_Luke,_

_I'm thinking of The Way We Were, you know how I called you that one time and... Well, I just miss you. And I'm still angry, but please be careful over there. I don't even know if you'll check this email... if you do, please let me know you're ok._

_~Lorelai_

_Luke,_

_I probably shouldn't be emailing you anymore, you haven't responded to anything which means you're not checking it or you don't want to talk to me. In conclusion, making this effort of mine pointless, but I guess I might as well keep writing because you'll either not read this at all or it'll just make you...ignore me more?_

_Things are getting a little easier although I'm not sure what the hell I'm supposed to say. I'm still so angry, and I know you did the right thing in your mind, but I'm still angry. I'm angry because I miss you, I'm angry because I'm in love with you, I'm angry because I'm alone...I'm angry because I'm so worried about you._

_I will promise you that I will never beg you to take me back or to commit to me, if that gives you any peace of mind. I do want to still be able to be your friend, you know a friend that you talk to regularly, to tell how you're doing. I think that's one thing we will both agree on, or at least, you owe me that._

_I miss you Luke, if you do read this, please talk to me. Grunt in my general direction. Anything._

_~Lorelai_

_Luke,_

_Maybe this effort is useless but I really need to talk to you, video chat hopefully if you can get access to a webcam. We really really really really need to talk "in person", please Luke, schedule a meeting? My skype account is Sephoralai. I had set up a skype for you remember? You were LDanesSH, all the other info is in that notebook I made, I hope you still have it._

_Please just trust me on this, this is important, too important to say in email._

_~Lorelai_

Once Luke finished the last sentence of Lorelai's latest email, he promptly shoved all of her emails into a separate filter and went to respond to Jess and Liz, telling Lulu he'd write up something for Kirk later, saving Lorelai for last. As he was about to try to piece together an appropriate responce for Lorelai, he heard a horn sound and realized just how long he had been sitting there. He quickly locked the laptop in Sean's foot locker and ran out the tent flap.

 

_Two-thirty in the morning_

_And my gas tank will be empty soon_

_Neon sign on the horizon_

_Rubbing elbows with the moon_

_A safe haven of sleepless_

_Where the deep fryer's always on_

_Radio is counting down_

_The top 20 country songs_

_And out on the porch the fly strip is_

_Waving like a flag in the wind_

_Y'know, I don't look forward_

_To seeing you again soon_

_You'll look like a photograph of yourself_

_Taken from far far away_

_And I won't know what to do_

_And I won't know what to say_

 

 _I'm sorry Mom, I've already got a midterm to study for and just way too much work at Yale, Grandma told me to stay at school, sorry I missed you! I love you Mom, lets do something next week!_ Lorelai listened to Rory's tinny voice through the receiver of her cell phone. Grumbling, she threw the phone into her purse and pulled the door of her Jeep open. Friday night dinner awaiting her behind a giant oak door.

Checking herself for any inward signs of nausea, Lorelai took a deep breath and tried to will herself to raise her arm and ring the bell.  _Why didn't I fake sick?_ She thought,  _I_ could _throw up when I get in there..._

She actually had no intentions of telling her parents, or anyone, except Rory, Sookie and Luke, before the first trimester was over. Rory and Sookie took it rather well and she had yet to get in touch with Luke. Mostly she was keeping it from her parents to avoid whatever verbal assault they would lay onto her; like "living in sin", "out of wedlock", and God-forbid "bastard child".

She was trying not to get upset over the lack of communication with Luke. Six weeks out in god-knows-where in Eastern Asia and he hadn't responded to a single email. At first she had assumed he wasn't checking it until she heard Liz beaming to Miss Patty about the few emails she had received from Luke, about how he was well and how he was now one of the leaders in his company. After this, Lorelai tried hard to let the hurt go, but then she heard Kirk beaming about how Luke had promised to email him some fishing tips, which immediately caused her to lose her calm.

After that day that she overheard Kirk's conversation at Al's Pancake World, Lorelai had walked herself home with tears streaming down her face. She allowed herself to wonder if Luke did hate her for some unknown reason, which made the whole idea of telling him about the baby even harder. Fueled by hurt and anger, Lorelai quickly wrote Luke a letter on her Hello Kitty stationary. She placed into an envelope with another paper she grabbed from her purse, sealed it and addressed it. Before she could change her mind, she stamped the envelope and ran out to drop it into the postal box by the town square.

And there she was, later that week, standing before the door of her parents home, feeling as though she were a prisoner on death row. Nothing was going well for her, nothing, and she knew that her parents, although they always meant well, usually just amplified whatever anguish she was feeling.

Finally able to ring that dreaded bell, the moment Lorelai reached for it the door swung open with an expectant Emily wearing a smug smile. "Lorelai! Thank goodness, I thought some of those insufferable Jehovah Witnesses were stalking the neighborhood again! Please come inside, everyone has already started on drinks."

 _Everyone? Rory came?_ Lorelai wondered as she gave her coat and purse to her mother and headed for the living room. When she saw who "everyone" was she stopped in her tracks, suddenly unable to breath.

"Lor!" came the familiar salutation, as Christopher leaped up from his seat to hug her.

"Lorelai isn't it fantastic? We just heard Christopher and Gigi moved back to Hartford to live with Francine, and we thought, well since Rory canceled on us, maybe Christopher could come!" Emily informed her excitedly as she walked back into the living room.

Still at a loss for all words, once Chris had freed her from his grasp, Lorelai took a seat. Richard handed her a martini and she took it mindlessly, still reeling from the entire encounter, from the  _entire day_. Had they thought, well hey, Lorelai's fiance broke it off and ran to Afghanistan, why not try to reacquaint her with Christopher as they were  _so_  meant to be together. Lorelai's a tough girl, she bounces back easily. Right?

"Lorelai?" Richard asked, once he realized his daughter hadn't heard a single word he'd said. Lorelai took some of the martini into her mouth without thinking, and upon Richard's prompt she realized what she was doing. Without a better plan, Lorelai spit the alcoholic concoction out, spraying Christopher in a fine mist of gin and vermouth from head to toe.

"Oh my God, Chris, I'm  _so_ sorry!" Lorelai shouted as she jumped to her feet and ran to the bar to find some cocktail napkins. "I've just uh, not been feeling well, I'm sorry!" Lorelai dropped them into Christopher's lap, unwilling to touch him, for fear that it would cause a bout of nausea, thankful that the gin and vermouth did not.

Chris only managed to sputter out an "Uhhh," before a "Thanks," as he began to dry his face off.

 

_I see you and I'm so perplexed_

_What was I thinking_

_What will I think of next_

_Where can I hide_

_In the back room there's a lamp_

_That hangs over the pool table_

_And when the fan is on it swings_

_Gently side to side_

_There's a changing constellation_

_Of balls as we are playing_

_I see orion and say nothing_

_The only thing I can think of saying_

_Is fuck you..._

 

Back in Afghanistan, Luke continued to email his friends and family, save for Lorelai. He knew he was a coward and internally he beat himself up for it almost constantly. He had read her emails, he knew she was angry, that she deserved at least, "Hi, I'm alive, Luke." But he couldn't even bring himself to give her that.

And a week after her last email where she begged for him to set up a video conference, he received a letter from her. It was important and he still could not bring himself to open it, for fear of the contents. He came up with so many reasons not to open it, even though he knew in the end he had to. He had to at least read it, even if he was too yellow-bellied to respond.

"Hey McCann... can you do me a favor?" Luke blurted out without even looking up from the letter in his hands. He was seated on his cot in the tent he shared with Sean, seated across from him.

"Sure buddy," Sean responded without hesitation.

"Open this and read it," Luke said, holding the letter up in the air.

"What?" McCann asked as he moved to sit next to Luke.

"If it says something like,  _I married that bastard and moved on_ , then I don't want to know... I really don't want to have to read that."

"O-okay..." McCann grabbed the letter and moved back to his cot, ripping it open as he sat. The first thing McCann pulled out was a stiff piece of paper in the front which caused him to blanch, shove it back into the envelop and toss it into Luke's lap. "I am NOT reading that shit Luke, you better fucking read it and now! Fucking-A, Luke!" McCann stalked form the tent, leaving a bewildered Luke in his wake.

Luke pulled the crumpled thick piece of paper from the envelope and stared at it, his jaw dropped all the way to his feet. There was a picture of a stork carrying a little baby in a blue blanket with, "So Now You're Pregnant" emblazoned atop the card, with a checklist of things for a newly pregnant mother to do.  _I'm an idiot..._ He thought before pulling out the letter written hastily and crookedly atop Hello Kitty stationary.

 

_Luke,_

_I don't care anymore if you're mad at me, I don't care what the hell you're thinking over there right now. I know you're being an ass and a coward and you're afraid to talk to me. For crying out loud, you even emailed Kirk back! You're wondering, either she wants to tell me she wants me back or she wants to tell me she moved on. I know you well enough to know that, and well that's a little presumptuous of you!_

_I can tell you right now Luke, I am not going to move on, ever, I know that as fact. A part of me believes you know that too, because I know how you feel about me. By now I assume you saw the postcard I enclosed, I am PREGNANT and it's yours. You're going to be a father, and all I can think is, I'm going to be doing this alone again. I didn't want to do it like this! I didn't want to tell you while I was angry or upset, but you gave me no other choice! Ass!_

_And you don't deserve that! You're a good guy Luke, so I know you'll want to be a part of this. I even know already that you'll be an amazing father, but you're not going to be here. And that sucks! Not only because I'll be left with the dirty diapers, the sleepless nights, diaper rash and croup, but because you'll miss the first words and the first steps... You'll miss the baby smell and the smiles just from seeing your face._

_So here is the deal Luke, you're not allowed to shut me out anymore. If you want to be a part of this at all, you'll do what I ask you to do, I do not have ulterior motives, I am the same Lorelai I always was and now the mother of your baby. I love you and this baby will love you._

_I am having such a hard time already doing this alone and I need you to support me over here, even if it's over the internet once a week. I don't care about what you're afraid is going to happen to you, as long as you're alive and well, we're going to look forward to you making it home safe to us. If you... Luke, if you do not make it home, then I will deal with it when it happens. Okay? I'm allowed to make that decision for myself. I'm not letting you decide for the both of us-decide what's better for me._

_So I... I got prenatal vitamins and I'm trying to eat better, no more coffee :(. My OB said it was six weeks along. So far I've only told Rory and Sookie, I don't know how I'm going to tell everyone else without losing it. Maybe I'll just tell Babette or Patty and let them take care of the rest of the town._

_And I'm still angry, but I miss you so much. At least this time, I don't have to worry about putting a roof over our heads or buying diapers?_

_I miss you so much, Luke. I love you. Be safe and make it home to me in one piece._

_Love,_

_Lorelai_


	4. On My Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is On My Own from Les Miserables. My new beta is Jewels and she rocks my socks off!

_Sometimes I walk alone at night_   
_When everybody else is sleeping_   
_I think of him and then I'm happy_   
_With the company I'm keeping_   
_The city goes to bed_   
_And I can live inside my head_

She's almost at her breaking point. Home, finally, after the most uncomfortable Friday night dinner known to man. Unable to drink her way through it, unable to stomach any of the food presented to her. Unable to explain why. Trying so hard to hold back her angry tears as Christopher continued to stare at her longingly, but she made it home in one piece, her pregnancy still a secret from her parents. She made it home to her sanctuary, that is, until Christopher showed up at her door thirty minutes later. He was more than halfway to drunk and leering at her playfully.

He tried to force his way into her foyer. Not violently, just in a drunk, lazy way that only a privileged Christopher Hayden would. He placed a hand on her arm which caused her to flinch and her heart to pound. She realized in that moment that she was afraid of him, afraid of what he might do. It dawned on her that she was alone in that house, and if Christopher ever had less than honorable intentions, she had put herself and her baby in a vulnerable position. When she pulled away from his grasp, he leaned on the door frame and begged her to listen. He confessed his undying love for her and told her she'd never be happy with anyone else.

Later that night she sat cross-legged in her bed with her laptop open, her body slightly shaking from anxiety after the long day. She was hoping against hope that Luke had responded to one of her emails; she desperately needed something to go right before she would succumb to sleep. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw that LDanesSH was requesting to set up a video conference with her. After a quick hair check and application of lip gloss, she accepted his invitation and almost broke down seeing his face on the other end.

"Oh, Lorelai," he said immediately when he saw her face in the dimly lit room. Lorelai, overcome herself, had a hard time speaking. "I'm so sorry," he continued. "I was trying to think of what to say to you. I was so scared that something happened. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Lorelai nodded and sniffled, wiping at the tears pooling around her eyes. Luke waited for her response. "Luke," she whispered. "It's so good to see your face."

"I hope you can forgive me."

"Oh, Luke," she gasped. "I don't care, I just - I just want - just … stay with me, okay?"

Luke swallowed and nodded. "I'll understand if you want-"

"No," Lorelai said vehemently, cutting him off. "I'm not moving on without you. Don't even think about it. Don't say it out loud. This baby is going to know who his daddy is."

"It's killing me, being so far away," he confessed, swallowing back his own tears.

"I know, me too."

"So, you're what, seven weeks along now?" Luke asked her, a hint of hope in his voice.

Lorelai smiled at his segue, her eyes just about crinkling at the sides. "Yeah, I'll be going in for my first ultrasound in a few days."

"That's the one where you can hear the heartbeat?"

"Yeah, it is. You've been doing your homework."

"Yeah, well, I had time. I've been waiting for over an hour for you to log on ... I really need to get my own laptop."

Lorelai nodded with a sad smile playing on her lips. She bit back a sob. "God, Luke, I've missed you so much!"

"Lorelai," he plead earnestly. "Please don't cry."

"I just, I don't want to do this alone again," she confessed softly. She squeezed her eyes closed, inhaled deeply, and forced her lips to form a sad smile.

"You won't do it alone," he told her gruffly.

"Are you going to teleconference into the OB's office?"

"If I have to. Listen, just … Lorelai," Luke implored. "I can't be there physically, but you know I love you and I love that baby. I'll do anything for you guys, so I just … We just have to get used to this for a little while. Okay?"

"Yeah."

"So, I have a few more minutes on this thing. Can you tell me about your day?"

Lorelai dropped her head into her hands and shook her head. "It was awful."

"Friday night dinner was tonight, wasn't it?"

She raised her head again and looked into his eyes. "My parents know you broke it off with me when you left. I think Rory told them. I mean, I don't care that they know, that's not it. Christopher moved back to Hartford with Gigi and Emily invited him to dinner tonight."

Luke clenched his jaw which was visible through their pixelated video connection, but he held his breath and allowed Lorelai to continue.

"I don't know if my parents are trying to set me up or if they just feel sorry for him. Christopher took it as an opportunity to..." She stopped there, unsure of how to go on.

"Lorelai," he pressed. "Tell me what happened."

"He followed me home."

"What?"

"Well his driver did; Chris was completely lit. He scared me, Luke. I didn't think I'd get him to leave."

"What did he do," Luke demanded.

"He grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go," she told him, still feeling the force of his grip. "It scared me a whole heck of a lot more than I thought something like that would. I suddenly realized I was alone in the house and he was holding the door open. But thankfully, his driver noticed something was wrong and dragged him back to the car."

Luke swallowed and expelled a big gust of air. "I hate that guy."

"Yeah," Lorelai commiserated.

"You should get a restraining order."

"Luke..."

"I mean it, Lorelai. I can't protect you from him when I'm over here!"

"He's Rory's Dad! I can't!"

"If he hurts you, Lorelai, so help me … An ocean separating us won't be enough."

"It won't happen again," she assured him. "It scared me, being alone in this house with this baby now. I'll make sure the doors are locked and everything."

"I really don't like the idea of you being alone over there. Maybe I can get Kirk to reinstall that alarm system-"

"Luke!" Lorelai shrieked, cutting his meandering words off. "I'm still the same Lorelai that I was before I got pregnant ... I mean, I don't like the idea either, but there isn't much we can do about it. Rory's at Yale, and you're over there. I'll keep everything locked up, as if you were here doing it yourself every night."

"Promise?" Luke asked her doubtfully. "Even the back door when you're out? And lock your car?"

"I promise, Sergeant Danes," Lorelai muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Good. I just want you to be safe."

"I know, hon. Maybe I'll drive to Hartford tomorrow so I can speak to my parents about Chris."

"You should, and about the baby."

"Luke, I don't kno-"

"You need to tell them, Lorelai. You can't hide it forever, and you know your mom would just take it personally if you tried. Plus, she'd probably find some way to blame me for all this. And ... even though it might sound a little twisted, you'll need them while I'm gone."

"What do I see in you again?" she asked him through a hint of a smile.

"My charming wit and uncanny similarity to Viggo Mortenson?" he quipped, his own smile blossoming.

"God, I love you," she confessed, her grin becoming brighter.

"God, you're beautiful," he countered, the deep register in his voice turning up. There was a rustle behind him and he sighed. "Lorelai, I've gotta go."

"Okay," she responded sadly. "I love you, Luke."

"I love you," he whispered soulfully before his face faded to black.

_In the rain_   
_The pavement shines like silver_   
_All the lights are misty in the river_   
_In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight_   
_And all I see is him and me forever and forever_

He never really thought that it would be harder, to still be a part of her but to be totally incapable of wrapping his arms around her. She was his again, and the idea made him swell with love, but the thought of disappointing her now was incredibly overwhelming. Throw a baby into the mix, and it seemed possible that the guilt might eat him alive. Throw living in a camp with fifty other sexually frustrated men, some blood thirsty, some scared for their lives, and you've got yourself an even more stressed out man. After all this, Luke was never more grateful to have a Marine like Sean McCann by his side.

It had been 10 pm Eastern time when Luke spoke with Lorelai over skype about her pregnancy, which meant the local time in Afghanistan was around 8 am, right after he had just finished his morning drills. By the time evening arrived and Luke was able to get a moment to himself, the first thing he did was dig into his duffel bag and pull out the notebook Lorelai had put together for him. Slowly he opened the front cover to see her smiling up at him, and his face was overtaken by an electrifying and goofy grin. His heart skipped a few beats, and he thought about marrying her right then and there. He let his thoughts run wild, as if he wasn't sitting in a musty tent in the middle of a desert, and for the first time in weeks, although painfully fleeting, he felt at peace.

At that moment Sean joined Luke in the tent, noticed the look on his face, and peered at the open notebook in his lap.

"She is breathtaking," Sean commented before moving to sit next to his bunkmate on his cot.

Luke simply smiled in response, unable to tear his eyes from the picture.

"So I assume the conversation went well this morning?"

Luke laughed and turned to look his friend in the eye. "Yeah," he said, almost giddy. "I'm gonna be a dad."

Sean snorted loudly and slapped Luke on the back. "That I figured from the card you made me look at. That's great, man. You deserve it."

"Wow," Luke whispered, his attention focused back on the notebook. He turned a few pages to look at the "Now You're Pregnant..." card he had adhered to a fresh page. "I can't believe I'm not there."

"She looks like a strong lady, and from what you've told me, sounds like it too," Sean remarked, turning his head to read the page.

"She is," Luke admitted gruffly. "She could do anything. She really doesn't need me to take care of her. But she lets me, sometimes."

"Smart lady then, too," Sean said in response, smiling from his own amusement.

_I love him_   
_But when the night is over_   
_He is gone_   
_The river's just a river_   
_Without him, the world around me changes_   
_The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers_

The weight that had been pressing down on Lorelai's shoulders was gone, and although she still desperately missed Luke, she felt so much better. She knew that her own confidence might not last long, so the morning after speaking with Luke online, she drove to her parents' house in Hartford.

She found herself on her parents' door step, a hot to-go cup of green tea cradled in her hands, wondering how she'd ever work up the nerve to ring the bell. Of course, the moment she finally gathered the strength to ring the bell, the door swung open, and her mother stared at her incredulously.

"Lorelai?" she asked. "I thought that was your car in the driveway."

"Mom," Lorelai said in greeting. "I, um, can we talk?"

"Well, all right. Your father and I are just finishing up breakfast," Emily replied hesitantly as she moved to side to allow her daughter to enter. Lorelai walked through the front door and made for the dining room, holding her arms across her stomach tightly.

The air in the dining room that day was light, and it appeared that Emily and Richard were both shocked and curious as to why their daughter had randomly appeared so early that morning. Lorelai took a seat at the middle of the dining room table, placed her to-go cup of tea down, and allowed the maid to pour her a cup of coffee.

"Mom, Dad," Lorelai began. "We need to talk." The air in the room was similar to when Lorelai had last appeared so early, in the spring after Rory dropped out of Yale. Of course, Rory had since decided to return back to school in the fall, and both Rory and Lorelai were working on repairing their relationship with the elder Gilmores.

"I should call the office, tell them I'm running late," Richard interjected as he rose from his chair, righted his glasses, and put his paper back on the table. Lorelai watched him leave with some anxiety of her own. She wanted to assure him that what she had to talk about would be quick, but she knew that wasn't likely the case. Lorelai turned towards her mother, offering up a kind smile, but Emily's attention was focused on filling out her date book.

Once Richard had returned to the table, both he and his wife focused their gaze on their daughter. Lorelai sat in a nervous cloud of silence, trying to build of the courage to speak.

"Well, we don't have all day Lorelai. Your father does need to get to the office at some point," Emily said with a touch of animosity in her voice.

Lorelai bit her lip and squinted her eyes shut. "I'm pregnant," she blurted out, ruining whatever speech or plan she had worked out to ease her parents into the big news.

"Pregnant?" Richard asked rather loudly. "With a baby?"

"No, with one of those little fetuses from  _Alien_. Yes, a baby. Luke's baby," Lorelai shot back with some aggravation.

"Luke's in Afghanistan," Emily cut in.

"All of his parts worked before he left … I mean, I'm seven weeks along. He's only been gone for six."

"Does Luke know about the baby?" Emily asked.

"Mom! Of course Luke knows!"

"Well, he did break it off with you before he left. I didn't know the two of you were still talking."

"Luke and I have decided that we're going to stay together. He's … he's the one that encouraged me to come talk to you."

"Has he proposed again, after calling off the engagement?" Richard interjected.

Lorelai wasn't sure if she should be offended or hurt from her father's comment. "No, he hasn't. I mean, we haven't talked about it." She suddenly remembered the ring stuffed in the bottom of her sock drawer that Luke had originally asked her to keep.

"So you're just going to do this alone?" Emily asked Lorelai condescendingly.

"Yes, if I have to! And I won't be alone. I have the whole town, I have Rory," she said with her attention focused on the table. "And I hope that I've got you guys as well," Lorelai finished, her voice noticeably quieter.

"Well, of course you do, Lorelai," Emily responded, her tone a little softer now.

Lorelai nodded, her eyes still trained on the intricately sewn lace on her mother's table cloth.

"Would you like some breakfast?" Emily inquired after a beat.

"Oh, no, but there's one other thing." Lorelai squeezed her eyes shut as she felt a sudden rush of tears. She breathed deeply and grasped her hands tightly in her lap. "It's Chris. He's … he followed me home last night after dinner."

Lorelai finally raised her head to look at her mother and father. They were both staring at her in stunned silence. "He's pushing me, and usually I can handle him. I know you invited him to dinner because you hoped after Luke broke off the engagement, that he and I-" She stopped to catch her breath. "Chris and I are  _not_  going to happen. I'm sorry, I know in the past I wanted it to happen, but he's just … I need you to understand. The way he acted last night when he got to my house, it scared me,  _a lot_. I can't have that happen again. I've got this baby, Luke's baby, to think about. There's no room for Christopher anymore."

_I love him_   
_But every day I'm lonely_   
_All my life I've only been pretending_   
_Without me, his world will go on turning_   
_The world is full of happiness that I have never known_

Upon reaching her seventh week, Lorelai learned what a real migraine was. The last time she'd experienced a fairly severe headache, Luke had held her in their bed and applied a cool washcloth to her forehead. Being held and loved had ended the headache almost instantly. Now, with no Luke and a throbbing skull, the migraine made her feel even more alone. The headache soon brought on nausea, and Lorelai found herself once more on her knees in the bathroom. No Luke, throbbing skull, and unending nausea. She let her body, overcome with exhaustion, fall to the cool tile floor. The conversation she and Luke had the other night was reassuring. She wasn't single; he'd be there for her. But really, he wasn't there, and it was still hard.

It was around noon that Saturday. After Lorelai had arrived home from her parents', she wasted no time before changing into her pajamas and putting on a  _Friends_  DVD. Rachel was complaining about something in the living room while Lorelai searched for the strength to leave the cold comfort of the bathroom floor. Her strength came through the ringing of the phone, she hoped it was Rory.

"Hello?" she asked tiredly after grabbing the cordless in her bedroom.

"Lorelai? It's me," his voice came through some static, but the warmth in his tone was evident.

"Luke," she whispered, almost falling to her bed in tears from just hearing his voice.

"Hey, I missed you," he admitted softly. "Um, can we do that Skype thing?"

"Oh," she breathed, looking around for her laptop. "Yeah, I'll be on in a minute."

"Okay," he said with some relief, but did not hang up. Nor did she.

"Want to stay with me while I turn my laptop on?" she asked, some brightness returning to her features.

"Yeah," he admitted gruffly. "Don't wanna miss a minute."

Lorelai held the handheld between her ear and shoulder as she moved to sit in front of her laptop on her bed. She hit the power button and heard the strangely comforting soft whir of the computer's fan.

"How has your morning been?" he asked.

"I was at my parents' house. How do you think?" she said, somewhat scathingly. She winced at the pain in her head and her unwittingly sharp tongue.

"Ah," Luke responded with some caution. "You talked to them about the baby?"

"Yeah," she said, feeling a sudden burst of emotion. "I'm sorry, Luke."

"What?" Luke asked with some panic evident in his voice.

"I talked to them about the baby, about Chris. It's good - it was good. They were good. They seemed genuinely interested in helping me. I'm sorry, I'm a crazy pregnant woman. I'm sorry," she cried to him as she tried to get Skype to launch, punching frustratedly at the touch pad.

"Hey, hey," he said softly. "You don't need to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. It's okay, shhh, it's okay."

"I miss you so much, and my head hurts," she confessed as she saw the Skype logo appear on her screen. She noticed that she had a request to chat from LDanesSH and accepted it. For a moment she stared at Luke's face on the screen with the phone still pressed to her ear, before hanging up and dropping it.

Luke smiled at her sadly. "You don't look so good."

"This is what happens when you spend your morning puking your guts out with the worst headache known to man."

"I'm sorry I'm not there. There isn't anything I want more."

"I know," she sniffled. "Me either."

"I ordered a laptop online today," he admitted through a tight smile.

"Wow," Lorelai breathed. "Luke Danes, luddite of the century, ordered a laptop!"

"Huh, I guess so ... I got a Mac."

"A Mac! No way can you be cooler than me!" Lorelai gasped cheerily.

"My friend Sean, the guy that let me use his laptop to talk to you, has one. I don't know anything about computers, but I figure if I got what he has, he can show me."

"Wow, baby, that's great. So, Sean is a friend you have over there?"

"Yeah, we share a tent. He's a good kid, about twenty-five."

"Maybe I can meet him sometime?"

"Sure. He said that, uh, you're 'so freakin' hot'."

Lorelai let out a genuine laugh which caused Luke to chuckle.

"He also told me I was being an idiot," he confessed softly.

"I like him already," Lorelai told him cheerily. "Luke?"

"Hmm?" he asked, apparently content to sit and stare at her.

"We never talked about what happened with our engagement."

"Oh," he said, sitting up straighter. "Well, I guess I assumed it was back on, after we talked this morning … Well, for you it was last night."

Lorelai suddenly found her hands incredibly interesting.

"Is it back on?" Luke asked her.

"I don't want you to just want to marry me now because I'm having your baby," she confessed with a soft hiccup.

"Lorelai," Luke proclaimed, "that's not what this is about. I mean, I won't lie, things have changed because of the baby, yeah, but also because of that letter you sent me. I thought that if I cut things off, if I just left, it'd be easier for you in the long run. It's dangerous here, and it kills me to think that something might happen to cause me not to … so I wouldn't be around anymore. And maybe it would still be easier for you in the long run-"

"Luke, no!" Lorelai felt her heart contract.

"Lorelai, I am going to hold onto you, no matter what happens, no matter where I am, until the day that I die, and hopefully forever after," he told her quickly, before she could jump to any conclusions.

Lorelai let out a breath and wiped a tear from her cheek. Without looking up, she told him to not mention 'die' ever again.

"So, Lorelai Gilmore, I want you to go into that sock drawer, which is where I think you put the ring. I want you to go get it, and tell me you'll marry me."

Lorelai's smile was the brightest it had been in weeks. She sat and enjoyed the adoring expression on his face before she went about her task. By the time she returned to the computer screen she had the ring in her palm and her smile was still just as blinding.

"Of course I'll marry you, Luke Danes," she told him proudly. Slowly, she slid the ring on without taking her eyes off the screen. "How did you know it was in my sock drawer?" she asked him after a beat.

"I'm just that smart," he told her with a hint of sarcasm in his own bright smile.

"Nuhuh," she replied teasingly.

"After your parents vow renewal," Luke admitted. "I found the necklace and earrings in there."

"Oh," Lorelai gasped. "I always wondered how they ended up back in my jewelry box."

"You won't ever have to hide anything in the sock drawer again, Lorelai."

Lorelai, still unable to stop the goofy grin on her face, lowered her eyes to examine the ring. Allowing her mind to drift, she wondered when they would finally get married.

"I plan to marry you the day I get home," Luke said, as if he had been reading her thoughts.

Lorelai's head popped up, causing Luke to gasp at the pure happiness that was radiating off of her. "My headache's gone."

"I'm glad I could help."

_In the rain_   
_The pavement shines like silver_   
_All the lights are misty in the river_   
_In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight_   
_And all I see is him and me forever and forever_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I just don't have the energy to have Lorelai at odds with her parents!


	5. The War Was In Color

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are again, the song this week is The War Was in Color by Carbon Leaf.

_I see you've found a box of my things -_   
_Infantries, tanks and smoldering airplane wings._   
_These old pictures are cool. Tell me some stories_   
_Was it like the old war movies?_   
_Sit down son. Let me fill you in  
_

October 15th, 2006

Lorelai,

I'm sorry I haven't been able to call you all week. Increased security measures have been imposed, which means they cut off our internet to make sure no information would be leaked into the wrong hands. They continue to tell me nothing. I think being completely cut off from you is ridiculous.

I was so happy to receive the picture from your sonogram, I hung it up in my bunk. The kid is beautiful. I can't believe a little part of us is growing inside of you.

My granddad, Lachlan, on my father's side, served in the military, but he was a naval enlisted during World War II. Being out here, away from you and Rory, away from Liz and Jess, from the town, it makes me think of the stories he used to tell me when I was just a kid. He saw a lot of action and part of it was almost impossible for him to relive. I think a lot of it had been blocked out in his mind so he wouldn't have to remember. There were other good times, though, and after he'd tell us a story, I often looked at him like he was Popeye.

My dad - his name was Micajah, but everyone in town called him Cage - grew up as a military brat, I'm not sure if I've ever told you about that. I don't talk much about my family, and Im sorry for that. I want you and the baby to know about our family. I'm going to make a conscious effort from now on to tell you about them.

When my dad was a kid, his family would move around a lot, until high school when my granddad finally took a civilian job and they ended up in Stars Hollow. My dad was actually home schooled for most of his life by my grandmother, Bonnie, to make the military relocations easier. My mom also grew up in Stars Hollow, but they didn't meet until they were out of high school.

I realized the other day that you had never asked me about the Williams' Hardware sign outside the diner. That's a great story. My mother, Jane Danes, her maiden name was Williams. And her father, my grandfather Lucas Williams, whom I was named after, owned Williams' Hardware. My grandmother, my mom's mother, passed away due to a stroke when my mom was in high school, so I never did get to meet her.

You'd love this, though - the Williams family were sort of like the Kennedys of Stars Hollow. In fact, Taylor Doose only really took over after the last Williams left Stars Hollow. Anyway, when my dad was twenty or so, he got a job part time at Williams' Hardware while he wasn't working construction. He still lived with his parents at this time, but only because he was helping to support them. I think the rest of the story is pretty obvious. My dad met my mom right there in the store, they got married soon after, and my dad took over for his father-in-law.

In retrospect, they were pretty lucky to have met when they did. They were both in their early twenties, and they moved into this big house on Peach Street with my grandfather, Lucas. They had me and Liz. When Liz and I were just little kids, my grandparents on my father's side passed away. They were both in poor health; my grandma, Bonnie, died from a heart attack when I was four, and we lost grandpa Lochlan to lung cancer when I was ten. Then when I was twelve, my mother passed away. She had a stroke like her mother did at almost the exact same age. My dad was never the same after losing both of his parents and his wife in less than ten years.

My grandfather, Lucas Williams, was still around at that point too, but like my dad, he couldn't really overcome the death of his daughter. We had to put him in a home and we lost him about four years after we lost my mom.

I had to be strong for him and for Liz. I wish life hadn't been so hard on me as a kid. I didn't think it was a big deal back then. I thought I was just doing what I had to do, but looking back, I remember being sad and angry a lot of the time. It contributed a lot to being that angry guy you knew when we first met. I want to make sure our kid doesn't have to deal with the same stuff that we did. Lorelai, you and I, we grew up way too fast. And don't get me wrong. I love who you are, I even mostly like who I am, but I want to make damn sure this baby has the best childhood he (or she) can have.

Love,

Luke

_Where to begin? Let's start with the end_   
_This black and white photo doesn't capture the skin_   
_From the flash of a gun to a soldier who's done_   
_Trust me grandson_   
_The war was in color_

October 18th, 2006

Lorelai,

Well, it looks like we're still pretty cut off from the outside world. I guess I might as well keep updating this letter to you until I can send it out. I wish there was some way to send word to you so you don't worry, but there isn't anything I can do.

I don't know what kind of exposure you've had with the military ... but usually, when a soldier dies on active duty, the military try to inform the bereaved the morning immediately after. They send two officers out early to beat the press, so they - God willing - are the first to alert the family. I don't want to scare you, but I want you to know. This is something you  _should_  know.

I think I'll keep writing about my family. I hope I don't bore you. You have told me that your family, the Gilmores, came to America on the Mayflower. So I guess it's safe to say that you descend from Puritans, or at least, Anglosaxons? (I'm assuming that if your mother's family didn't come over on the Mayflower, they came over not long after). What is your mom's maiden name, anyway? I remember you telling me about your Aunt Hope who lives in Europe now. Do you still talk to her? She sounded like she had an exciting life.

If it wasn't immediately obvious, Lochlan and Bonnie were Scots. They came over through Ellis Island in 1920, actually, and both of them had thick accents. They were pretty young at the time and didn't have a lot of money, World War I had just ended, and World War II hadn't broken out yet. I guess my granddad had done a lot of fishing and sailing in Scotland, so in America, he took off on many different fishing boats for long periods of time out of Gloucester, MA, where they lived. So when Lochlan enlisted with the Navy before the second world war started, they were happy to take him on.

I don't really remember Grandma Bonnie since I was so young when she passed away. Apparently, she always told people that her relationship with Lochlan was as strong as it was because he was never home. Being away from you right now, well, I'm not so sure I agree with her point of view. My dad, Cage, was born right before my grandfather went off to war in 1939, and when he came back home in 1945, after the war ended, my grandparents had another baby. It was a girl, and they named her Agnes, or really, Nessa (Nessa was also an old family name; they were really into those sort of nicknames). I guess I never mentioned an aunt on my dad's side because when she was ten, she was killed by drunk driver while she was walking home from school. My dad said he had taken Nessa under his wing and loved her dearly. He had been responsible for making sure she got to school and home safe, since he was sixteen at the time and she was only ten. The one afternoon he trusted her to make it home alone, she never turned up. He blamed himself for her death for a really long time, and he would never talk to anyone about it, save my mom.

When I was just a boy, I walked in on my dad crying in my mom's arms, and I was scared and appalled. Men didn't cry, I thought. I was just a little boy, so I could still cry, but I thought when I became a man I wouldn't need to cry anymore. My mom caught me staring and I guess she saw the look on my face. Later that night my mom told me about my aunt, Nessa, and I vowed then to always watch out for Liz. I guess at the time, I still wasn't sure how I felt about seeing my dad cry. But now when I look back, it sort of breaks my heart. I've been drawn to tears a few times since I became a man, like when I lost my dad, and sometimes on my dark day, when Liz took Jess and moved to New York ... and when I thought I would never see you again, after I got called back into the service. Sometimes at night here, when it's dark and I realize how far away we are from each other, sometimes it's hard to not let a tear slip out. I don't think I'd admit that to anyone but you, Lorelai. So, my dad and I are really similar guys, and I think I understand him better because of that tender moment I had walked in on as a boy.

I was thinking about how much my dad really did confide in my mom. He loved her deeply, of course, but he sort of also lost his confidant - his best friend. That's what you are to me, and I was an idiot for thinking I needed to walk away from you.

Rereading this letter ... this distance has meant a lot of awful things for us, but I just realized one good thing. I've been able to do a lot of thinking, and I finally understand what the most important things in my life are. We'll make it through and we'll be better for it.

Love,

Luke

 _From shipyard to sea, From factory to sky_  
 _From rivet to_ rifle _, from boot camp to battle cry_  
 _I wore the mask up high on a daylight run_  
 _That held my face in its clammy hand_  
 _Crawled over coconut logs and corpses in the coral sand_

October 20th, 2006

Lorelai,

I used to play war games in the back yard with Bootsie before he decided I wasn't cool enough to be friends with anymore. We were just seven years old, chasing each other around late one night with fake guns made out of sticks. It was one of those moments in my life where everything just stuck in my memory. That doesn't happen often, and usually those moments aren't always significant, but for some reason, they stick. It was twilight, mid-summer, and the lightning bugs had all just come out. You could see them all flickering about. The air was thick with humidity, but we didn't care. It sort of felt like you were walking on the bottom of the ocean, with the way the day turned blue before going black into the night.

I can still see this little droplet of sweat going down Bootsie's cheek. I can still feel the welt he left on my side when he beaned me with his gun. I can still smell the fresh cut grass and the whiff of wild buttercups drifting through the air. I can hear the bull frogs squaking in the lake and the odd noise of grasshoppers in the forrest. I remember running and laughing, chasing Bootsie, throwing my acorn grenades at him. Grass stains on our knees, and hair gone askew - we were in our element.

I think my dad, granddad Lochlan, and granddad Lucas were sitting on the back porch of the big, old house, sharing a beer. I remember seeing mom through the kitchen window, watering to her plants on the bay windowsill. It must have been pretty late since it was twilight in summer, and thinking back ... I don't think I'm going to let our kids out so late. We probably should have been in bed! So, as I said, Bootsie and I were playing war in the back yard. Granddad Lochlan had just told us a bit about the war, so we were just being boys playing our war games.

It was just a happy moment, I guess. Nothing really significant happened. I wish sometimes that I could go back there - with my dad, my mom, and my two granddads at the big, old house. (I could probably live without having Bootsie there). I felt safe and loved, like I could have done anything or been anyone. If only I'd known that in just twelve years, it'd just be me.

Sometimes when I go back there and think about those old times, I get a little worried. My dad died at fourty-five - when I was twenty – and my mom when she was only thirty-four, and I was twelve. They were adults, they were  _old_. Now, I'm older than my mom was and almost as old as my dad. I get scared sometimes because I wonder if I'm on borrowed time. It's been a big part of why I never talk about them, but I guess holding it all inside isn't doing me any favors, either.

I'll do everything I can to make sure I live past eighty with you, Lorelai. I guess the idea of growing old might scare some people, but it only excites me to think you and I will do it together.

Love,

Luke

 _Where to begin? Let's start with the end_  
 _This black and white photo doesn't capture the skin_  
 _From the shock of a shell or the memory of_ smell  
 _If red is for Hell_  
 _The war was in color  
_

October 22nd, 2006

Lorelai,

We're still cut off and I've been sent on an escort mission with Sean. It's a little rougher out here and hot as hell in the desert. I wouldn't admit it to anyone else, but I feel like I should be able to tell you anything. So I'll tell you that I'm scared. Having you at home makes me more fearful, I think, but it's all right. I would be an idiot if I wasn't afraid. You know as well as I do that it's dangerous out here. The fear can only make me more cautious.

Sean snores like a freight train. Worse than Jess ever did.

Do you remember when the Independence Inn caught fire - of course you remember - I mean, do you remember spending the night in my apartment? God, I was so happy to have you there, and I didn't want to admit it, not even to myself. I always wondered why you left before I woke up the next morning. That was another moment that I'll always carry with me. You telling me about that dream … I can still see the faint blush on your cheeks.

Sometimes I look back and wonder what the hell was stopping me all those years from just grabbing you and kissing you. I mean, I guess I was scared that you'd reject me or that you'd stop coming into the diner. You were my best friend - my only true friend, for all those years. My life, after my dad passed away, there wasn't much to it, and I was really angry for most of it. But you walked through that door, and I forgot about being a miser. I think I was afraid that if I told you how I really felt about you, I'd scare you away and go back to being that guy again. That guy I couldn't help from being. A guy that I really hated.

I think I need to tell you that I'm sorry that I never did ask you out before the test run or tell you how I felt sooner. I think you deserved more than I gave you then. And I'm sorry for trying to walk away from you when I got called back into service. I thought I was doing you a favor, at least, a favor in the long run. God, Lorelai, the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. So thank you for fighting for us, because you know how I can be an idiot at times, and I need you to be my conscience. You make me a better man, and I am damn proud of it.

Love,

Luke

 _I held the canvas bag over the railing_  
 _The dead released, with the ship still sailing,_  
 _Out of our hands and into the swallowing sea_  
 _I felt the crossfire stitching up soldiers_  
 _Into a blanket of_ dead _, and as the night grows colder_  
 _In a window back home, a Blue Star is traded for Gold.  
_

October 26th, 2006

Lorelai,

This is God-damned ridiculous. I got my new laptop today, and I can't use the damn thing because we're still offline. I wish I could get you a note. I'm okay … We're okay. God, I hope what happened the other day didn't go to press. I hope you didn't hear it. I hate to think that I'm causing you to worry. Sean and I were on that escort mission, and a soldier walking next to one of the caravans stepped on an ICB - a land mine.

You don't need to worry. I'm fine; we're both fine. I had seen one person die in my life before that day. I was at school when my mom had the stroke, but I watched my dad wither away in the hospital. This was different. The soldier was gone the second he stepped on it, and the force threw the RangeRover next to it into the brush in the desert. When Sean and I saw it happen, I think we sort of went to a primitive place in our brains where we didn't think, we just reacted. It was … God, Lorelai, I don't think I can go into details. I wish so much that I could just see your face right now. I just want to bury my face in your lap and close my eyes. We lost two of our guys in the truck, and the other two were air-lifted to a hospital.

I had blood on my face, I guess. I didn't realize until a medic pulled me aside. I guess a piece of shrapnel hit me on my forehead so I have a few stitches. I hope you get this letter before our next Skype thing so I don't scare you when you see me. I'm a little black and blue, but they said it wasn't bad. Heads just bleed and bruise more than other places on your body. Sean, the damn kid, didn't have a single scrape on him.

It did mean that we got to sit in an air-conditioned medic unit for a day while they checked us out. I hadn't felt air conditioning since I left the US, so it was a nice break, but definitely not worth the price we had to pay.

I'm never gonna forget those guys. They were just kids, hardly out of high school.

I still don't know why we're here.

Love,

Luke

_Where to begin? Let's start with the end_   
_This black and white photo doesn't capture the skin_   
_When metal is churned. And bodies are burned_   
_Victory earned_   
_The War was in color_

October 30th, 2006

Lorelai,

If all goes as planned, I can send this letter out today. I got your letters, I'm glad to hear that Rory is doing well at Yale and that she's excited about the baby. She sent me a package with granola bars and protein powder. Tell her I say 'Ha ha.' I also got a package from Jess and his buddies at the book shop. They sent a set of body armor, which I am now, more than before, extremely relieved to have.

I am really glad to hear that everything with the baby is looking good. You asked me if I would want to know if it were a boy or a girl. I think I do. I have to confess that I have already started to think about baby names.

You're three months along now … The first trimester is over? You said that you wanted to start telling people then. How do you think you're going to tell the town? I think I'm going to tell Jess and Liz in my next letter to them, if that's okay?

God, Lorelai, I can't wait to hear your voice again.

I love you and I miss you,

Luke

_Now I lay in my grave at age 21_   
_Long before you were born_   
_Before I bore a son_   
_What good did it do?_   
_Well hopefully for you_   
_A world without war_   
_A life full of color  
_

Luke,

I received your letter today. It was a God-send. You were right; I was out of my mind with worry because I did see the news. I've been a faithful watcher of CNN these days, I have it on constantly in my office. Anderson Cooper doesn't bring a lot of comfort to your pregnant fiancee, but I don't think I can turn it off. You're constantly on my mind, and it's scary to hear about the things you've encountered over there, but I'm relieved that you feel you can tell me. I'm here for you. I know it's hard for you to be a part of this war.

So tell me whatever you need to. My arms ache to reach out to you. It's like you're still here, but I can't touch you. Some days I go into the diner and the minute I cross the threshold, my heart skips a beat, and I think, for some reason, that you'll be standing there behind the counter. I know you aren't, that you won't be there, but for some reason my heart doesn't want to believe it. It does hurt - this weird ache in my heart and the pit of my stomach. I would give almost anything to get you back here so I don't have to feel it anymore. While you are gone, I've decided that I'm going to cherish that feeling, because I know it still means you're alive and loving me back, even if it's from three thousand miles away. That maybe sounded a little crazy, but you've gotten pretty good at interpreting my crazy thoughts.

Here's a not-so-subtle segue ... I love hearing about your family, Luke! I can't believe I knew so little. Today, after reading your letters, I was in the diner missing your coffee (don't worry, I wasn't drinking Caesar's), and somehow got to talking with Patty and Babette about your grandparents and their exploits. I think I almost lost bladder control! I was in pain from laughing so much. It was the first time I'd really laughed like that in over three months.

That was a really good day.

And it just kept getting better. I got some exciting news that afternoon, and I have been trying to come up with a special way to tell you. So I think I'm going to do it like this:

Two heartbeats.

Skype me now, baby!

Love you and miss you,

Lorelai

_Where to begin? Let's start with the end_   
_This black and white photo never captured my skin_   
_Once it was torn from an enemy thorn_   
_Straight through the core_   
_The war was in color_


	6. The Longest Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is The Longest Timeby Billy Joel. I had my friend Cameron beta this one for me :D

_If you said goodbye to me tonight_

_There would still be music left to write_

_What else could I do_

_I'm so inspired by you_

_That hasn't happened for the longest time_

 

"Lorelai!" Luke's voice came husky, happy and loud through the computer speakers.

"Luke," Lorelai responded softly, an ecstatic smile upon her face.

"Two, is it true? Two? Twins?" Luke asked with laughter in his voice.

Too happy for words, Lorelai merely nodded excitedly, her smiling eyes filling with tears.

"You're happy about this?" he asked, grinning.

Lorelai continued her fierce nodding, " _So_  happy."

"A two-fer."

Once Lorelai was able to clear her vision, a shocked gasp escaped her lips. "Oh, Luke, your face."

Luke's ears flushed red and his heart rate picked up. Through the grainy video feed, Lorelai could see that his left eye was still swollen and yellow from partially faded bruises. There was a small scab on his puffy cheek bone where the skin had broken and an obvious line of ten stitches above his left eyebrow. "Oh, yeah, well... it doesn't hurt so much, and the stitches come out tomorrow. And I can see out my eye now."

With the last statement, Luke tried to wink from that eye, causing him to wince instead. Lorelai could hear him swallow and made a conscious effort to focus on his eyes and not that gruesome gash on his forehead.

"They thought I might have broken my cheek bone," Luke admitted. "It didn't hurt, but I guess I was in shock, too."

"That's why you were in the med-bay-place?"

"Yeah," Luke said, swallowing again. "I had to get an x-ray."

"Would they have..." Lorelai began, squeezing her eyes shut. "Would they have sent you home?"

"I don't know, but I felt a little morbid, I was kinda hoping it was broken. I mean, I know some guys get sent back when they're hurt, but they also send a lot of them to a military hospital in Germany until they get better."

"Oh, God," Lorelai said, feeling a little faint. "I don't want to hope that you get hurt, but I want you home. I want you home  _now_."

"I know, Lorelai, I know," Luke softly agreed, swallowing again. "I feel the same way."

 

_Once I thought my innocence was gone_

_Now I know that happiness goes on_

_That's where you found me_

_When you put your arms around me_

_I haven't been there for the longest time_

 

The crunch of gravel could be heard over the heavy roar of an engine, the thick tires guiding them along the road behind another vehicle. Luke sat in the back seat of the humvee next to Sean McCann, bouncing his knee to the roar of Queen's  _Bohemian Rhapsody_  playing over the stereo. Both Luke and Sean were enjoying the trip across the desert as it provided them with a temporary reprieve - sitting in an air conditioned vehicle for a few hours at a time. Sean regarded Luke with a cocky grin, Sean's eyes were shielded with mirrored Oakley sunglasses that Luke could see his own reflection in. Behind Sean's head, Luke could see the blazing desert, crystal clear blue sky and bright shining sun that was almost blinding.

"Scaramouch, Scaramouch!" one of the soldiers in the front seat, Larry, belted out in a high pitched voice.

"Will you do the Fandango?" the driver, Mac, joined in.

Luke, Sean, Larry and Mac all shared a chuckle and Larry reached forward to turn the music down.

"Did you guys ever see  _Wayne's World_? I always think of that scene they're in the ca-"

There was a loud concussive noise that suddenly moved through their humvee with such force that it would have felt like the first drop of a roller coaster, had anyone in the truck been paying attention. They were distracted by the explosive force of an ICB throwing the truck in front of them into the air with a billowing cloud of fire, smoke and sand. The second the vehicle in front of them hit the ground, the men in Luke's truck realized that their windshield was broken. Luke noticed blood on Larry's arm, but didn't waste a moment before flinging the door open and bounding towards the flames of the toppled humvee.

He thought fleetingly that that kid, Charlie? Chuck? had been walking next to the other truck when the explosion happened. He'd tell Sean to look for him, if he saw him. There was movement in the downed vehicle and nothing was going to stop him before he got those men out. Something was dripping into his eye, but he brushed it away as he ran.

One of the doors was forced open from the pressure of the upturned truck and Luke pulled it farther back with every ounce of himself. He suddenly noticed that it didn't make any noise when he pulled and realized he was almost deaf from the blast. No matter, he'd worry about that later. In the truck, Matty, the ginger kid from the south, was blinking wearily at him, upside down, still safely tucked away with his seatbelt jammed. Luke pulled at it until he noticed Sean over his shoulder with his KA-Bar knife, cutting the thick material of the belt.

"Chuck?" Luke shouted to Sean, as he hauled the soldier from the truck. Sean merely shook his head and ran around to the other side of the burning wreck.

There was a hand, colored red and black, sitting lazily with its palm up, attached to a wrist coming from out of the shattered passenger side window. Luke noticed it, breathed deeply in preparation for what he'd soon see, and crouched to look in the window. That blonde kid, Michaels? He was laying on the roof of the truck, completely still. Luke had to turn around and eject the scant contents of his stomach before he could drag Michaels out.

Kevin, it was definitely Kevin, Kevin Michaels, opened his emerald green eyes when Luke settled him against a rock a few feet away. Luke sent up a quick prayer of thanks and smiled at the kid.

"Danes, right?" Michaels croaked, before losing his breath in a coughing fit. The teen grimaced and moved his disturbingly limp hand against his abdomen. He looked at the hand and casually remarked, "well that doesn't work anymore."

"Just sit still, kid, help is on the way," Luke said, nervously looking around at the other men who were tending to the rest of the wounded.

"Tell Lucy, just tell her I'm sorry," Kevin said to Luke, eerily calm and collected.

"I'm not gonna have to," Luke shouted, before he winced and realized his hearing was almost completely recovered.

"Just tell her Kev's sorry, man," the soldier implored through another cough. His head drooped and his breathing stopped.

"No," Luke half-sobbed, leaning over his fallen comrade, shaking his shoulders. "No, you're gonna tell Lucy yourself! You bastard!"

Luke sat back as if his energy had all but drained away. That dripping in his eye blurred his vision again, and he swiped at it, finally noticing that his hand was covered in blood.

Suddenly, darkness encompassed him, and two tearful, bloodshot eyes snapped open. There he was, on a cot in a musty military issue canvas tent, dripping with sweat, veins throbbing from anxiety. The dregs of the dream were still pulsing through his system and he wondered if that was what Hell was like.

 

_Maybe this won't last very long_

_But you feel so right_

_And I could be wrong_

_Maybe I've been hoping too hard_

_But I've gone this far_

_And it's more than I hoped for_

 

Luke was there, standing tall with his white hat behind a crowd of reuniting families. He spotted her and grinned so wide that his smile almost left his face. Lorelai pushed through the crowd to get to him. She didn't want to waste a single second more outside the security of his arms. He was close, she could smell him, like melted cheese, coffee and burgers, mixed with that spicy musk that was just him. He just stood there unmoving, with his cocky grin, waiting for her to come to him.

Well, she'd let him have it later,  _after_  she'd had him naked in bed for a few hours. She let her eyes drift down his body for a moment, felt a shiver go through her system and locked her eyes back on his beautiful blue eyes. He chuckled and opened his arms, ready for her to fall into them. The rest of the crowd was gone and she was laughing and crying, almost hysterical.

He must have been a foot in front of her, those outstretched arms beckoning her forward. But he stayed there, she was running now, not willing to stop and lose him again. He opened his mouth to say something and an annoying ringing noise escape his lips.

She stopped, gaping at his mouth, it sounded a lot like her cell phone. She thought to herself,  _Luke's mouth rings just like my phone_... And then she woke up with a start.

Heart pounding, as it always seemed to do when she was jostled from a dream, she reached for her phone and flipped it open before checking to see who called.

"Hello?" she asked groggily.

"Lorelai?" Luke's voice came through the receiver, it was choked and breathless.

"Luke, are you okay?" she asked, sitting up, suddenly in a panic.

"I'm sorry," he gasped. "Did I wake you up?"

Lorelai could hear him swallow across the line and gripped her phone tighter. "It's okay, it was just a nap, I was-Luke, hon, what's wrong?"

"Just an awful dre-... I was, I was... I was there again, after the ex-explosion," he told her, his voice rasping, choked with tears.

"Oh, babe," she said softly. "From when you got hurt?"

"Yeah," he said with a great exhale. "When it happened I, it was so loud that we, uh, I mean, me, I couldn't hear. The-the windshield br-broke and we were okay, I thought, I mean, the first thing I thought, we were okay."

"I know, I'm so glad," Lorelai reassured him, her own tears falling softly now.

"L-Larry h-had a um, he got some shrapnel in his, his arm. And I j-jumped out of the truck, I-I don't think there was... Chuck, he was gone. And, this kid from Sa-Savannah," here he stopped and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Lorelai. I don't want to upset you."

"It's okay, Luke," she responded, sniffling. "Tell me, Luke. It's okay, tell me."

"Matty was from Savannah and he reminded me of that... that movie you made me watch a dozen times, with that guy, Ron Butler-"

"Rhett.  _Gone with the Wind_."

"Yeah, he talked like them. And, I just, I wasn't thinking. I just tried to yank him out but then Sean cut the seatbelt and we dragged him out. And saw—I mean," he swallowed. "The kid in the front seat, I thought he was d—he looked like he was . . . but then I got him out and he opened his eyes. And I thought, thank you God, I don't have to watch this kid die, he's not dead, thank God he's not dead!"

"Babe..." Lorelai whispered, trying to stop him, her own heart breaking along with his.

"And he—Kevin, his name is— _was_ , he tried to smile and said that I had to tell Lucy he was sorry. He was just a kid, Lorelai. He had a mom and a dad, his sister, Lucy, and probably grandparents, a girlfriend, friends. They don't get to see him anymore. Nobody does." At 'nobody' Luke let out a last sob and settled down a bit, just breathing into the phone.

"Babe," Lorelai said again, gasping with him. "I'm sorry, I wish I was there with you, to hold you. I'm sorry."

"I just needed to hear your voice," he told her, his voice a little clearer. "I guess I was still a little in shock. I didn't think . . . dreaming about it, I didn't think that would happen to me. I get it now though, Grandad Lochlan used to shout out in his sleep sometimes. My dad said the war never really left him. I get it now."

"We'll get through it, we've got each other. Um, I'm Cher, you're Sonny, you know:  _I've Got you Babe_." When she mentioned the song name she sung it out with perfect pitch.

Luke exhaled, emitting a Luke-Danes-grunt that still had a bit of weariness at the edges. "Isn't that the woman that sounds like a guy?"

Lorelai laughed. "Fine, I'll be Sonny."

"I think I'm goin' back to bed. Love you," Luke said softly, letting out a jaw-cracking yawn.

"I love  _you_  babe!" Lorelai said a moment later, singing to the same tune as before.

"Lorelai?" he asked, after a beat.

"Hmm?"

"Just... thanks," Luke said smiling, the light almost reaching his eyes.

"I'll always be here," she explained, echoing his own words from the years before. Luke settled himself down in his cot, with the cell phone still pressed to his ear. He listened to her breathing for a minute, taking comfort in its steady consistency before drifting off.

 

_Who knows how much further we'll go on_

_Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone_

_I'll take my chances_

_I forgot how nice romance is_

_I haven't been there for the longest time_

 

"So... Romance novels?" Sookie asked incredulously, as she tossed chopped off bits of celery into a bowl.

"Yeah, it's the only thing that can—you know, I  _hate_  the women in those novels." In a high pitched voice, Lorelai continued, " _Lucinda was desperate to get L-Lucious back, regardless of his shady past as a-a horse-murderer-strangler-um-person-man! O-Only their love can save them!_

"It's so-UGH!" she said, making gagging faces with the last word. "But for some reason, my brain refuses to concentrate on anything else. And I swear to God, Andrew didn't say anything when I bought my last stack of tawdry novels, but I could see the look on his face!"

"I'm sure Andrew reads them in his spare time. His last girlfriend was like, two months ago. You know, at the last Dance Marathon," Sookie explained, still bustling around the busy Dragonfly Inn kitchen, barely paying attention to her current task at hand.

"Oh right, sometimes I think he just gets a new girlfriend so he can have a public breakup at the marathon."

"It  _has_  happened almost every year," Sookie added with a chuckle.

"Except for that one year when he didn't have a girlfriend!" Lorelai said, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Oh," Sookie sighed, slumping her shoulders. "Poor Andrew."

"Poor Andrew," Lorelai agreed with a frown.

"But, romance novels?" Sookie asked. Theatrically, she continued, "Like you mean, the  _Sheikh_  took the young stable girl and taught her the ways of sensuality and - and woman _hood_! In the hay of the... barn!"

"Well," Lorelai said softly, a blush creeping up her neck. "Some of them involve, you know," she whispered close to Sookie's ear and then emitted a small noise that sounded like  _hmmanahum_.

"Ahhh," Sookie said with a sly smiling. " _Hmmanahum_!"

"Shh!" Lorelai warned, the blush creeping onto her cheeks.

"It's more though, the gallant knight saving the damsel in distress, who is too busy crying to save herself.  _That's_  what really gets me, I think."

"Aw, your knight in shining armor..."

"Isn't here," Lorelai admitted with some distress.

"Is he, is Luke doing okay over there?" Sookie asked with concern.

"I told you about the bo—the thing, the accident," Lorelai began, concentrating now on the contents of the mug grasped tightly in her hands. Unconsciously, one hand went to her barely showing belly. "He uh, he called me, the other day."

"When you talked about the twins?" Sookie asked, nodding to Lorelai's midsection.

"No, this was, this was after that."

"What happened?"

"Nothing, I mean, nothing  _happened_  over there since, I don't think. It's just, he was a mess."

"Oh, sweetie."

"I talked him down, and I think he feels better now, but—I just hate it, Sook."

"I know, sweetie, I hate it too."

Lorelai exhaled forcefully and sagged forward a few inches.

Sookie caught onto the slump of her friend's shoulders, and hastily moved to change the subject. "Well, you know, Jackson's sister Colleen, she's really into romance novels, as well. She told me there's a really great used bookstore in Avon that has a huge cheesy romance section, and they do trade-ins. So, you could get rid of the tawdry evidence, avoid Andrew and probably get some new ones. It's called um...  _As The Page Turns_."

"Huh, great name. But Avon, that's pretty close to Hartford..."

"I think a used book store spilling over with romance novels is the last place you'll find Emily Gilmore."

Lorelai snorted. "With the last few months I've been having, I wouldn't be so surprised."

"We both have tomorrow morning off, we'll go together."

"Sook, do you really want to take your pregnant and depressed friend to a random cheesy romance novel store to indulge her insane habit, which she admits to being completely insane, just to make her feel better?"

"Well when you put it that way, I can't think of anything I'd rather do."

 

_I had second thoughts at the start_

_I said to myself_

_Hold on to your heart_

_Now I know the woman that you are_

_You're wonderful so far_

_And it's more than I hoped for_

 

"Ooh, here's one about a Sheikh!" Sookie exclaimed with a giggle. In  _sotto voce_ , she continued, " _The Sheikh's Command_ :  _Aid worker Nikki Hunt only wanted to ask Sheik Zakir Al Arif for safe passage across his war-torn country. She never expected to be taken prisoner by the handsome, secretive sheik. Or to be attracted by the lust his dark stare set off in her—a lust as hot as the Sahara._ "

Lorelai was almost beside herself. "I don't know if I could resist a lust as hot as the Sahara!"

With a small whoop of excitement, Sookie tossed the novel onto the quickly growing pile in their shopping basket. "At fifty cents a paperback," Lorelai commented, "it's hard not to."

"Ooh, dirty!" Sookie called excitedly, moving onto the next book in front of her. "Hey, Lorelai! This one has a man in a kilt on the cover! You know, easy access!"

"Ha!" Lorelai squeaked, before grabbing her abdomen. "Ooh! Full bladder, don't make me laugh!"

"No, but look," Sookie managed to say between giggles. " _Devil in a Kilt! Linnet MacDonnell, bartered as a bride to her father's long-sworn enemy, Highlander Duncan MacKenzie, had no choice but to enter a marriage with a man rumored to have murdered his first wife and said to possess neither heart nor soul!_   _How dare she defy him, and tempt a devil like him to feel what he feared most of all-love!_ And-and look! He doesn't wear a shirt!"

Lorelai, standing before her convulsing friend with wide eyes, swung the already full shopping basket against her knees. "Toss it in, please," she said primly.

"I get that one first," Sookie said, sobering.

"Okay, Mrs. MacKenzie," Lorelai laughed at her friend, before swinging her arm around Sookie's shoulder and walking her to the checkout counter.

"W-wait," Sookie said seriously, stopping.

"Huh?" Lorelai asked, spinning around.

" _D-Diner Girl_ ," Sookie sputtered, pointing to her right.

Lorelai gasped, her breath caught in her throat when she saw the book in question. A pregnant woman graced the cover, with the father of her child kneeling before her, kissing her swelling womb.

"We'll get this one too," Sookie whispered as she grabbed for it and tossed it in with the rest.

 

_I don't care what consequence it brings_

_I have been a fool for lesser things_

_I want you so bad_

_I think you ought to know that_

_I intend to hold you for the longest time_

 

"I'm sorry that I haven't been able to talk to you," Luke said, looking into his lap, before meeting Lorelai's eyes through the screen. "Things have been a little crazy here since the—well, the, you know."

"Yeah," Lorelai said softly, picking at a stain on her jeans. "So," she continued, "I have something to show you."

Luke grinned when he saw her stand and pull her shirt up. A small bulge was visible, which Lorelai proudly ran her hand over. "Twins make you pretty big, pretty fast," she told him, smiling.

"Wow," Luke said in exhale. "That's incredible, Lorelai."

"How's your forehead?" Lorelai asked, lowering her shirt and sitting down again. She leaned closer to the screen to see the scar above his eyebrow. Obligingly, Luke leaned forward to display the puckered scar tissue, two inches long with dots along the edges where the sutures had been placed.

"It feels fine, just a little itchy. The doc said I'd probably have a scar but that it'd fade, so it isn't so noticeable. I'm glad all the bruises are gone though," he told her, smiling. "I looked like my fiancee beat me up."

"I wanted to," Lorelai admitted, laughing. "Mmm. So, Luke, I've been thinking."

"Try not to hurt yourself," Luke said teasingly.

"Ha, funny man. Anyway, seriously, before we know it, it's gonna be two babies, Rory, me and you. In this two-bedroom house. I mean, I love this house, but-"

"It's small," Luke said, cutting her off.

"Yeah, for these two and then any others that might come along..."

"I know how much you love that house, maybe we could expand again."

"Not without you here to supervise the work," Lorelai told him, shaking her head, her gaze focused back to the stain on her jeans. "Plus, I can't be around the paint fumes."

With a huff, she sat back, body slumped in defeat. "Maybe we just have to wait until you come back. If we bought another house, we'd just have to do a ton of work on it anyway."

"Well," Luke said, desperate to ease the tension he could see in her shoulders. "There's Big House..." he confessed, drifting off.

"Big House?" Lorelai inquired, leaning closer to the screen.

"Yeah, where I grew up, Granddad Williams' house."

"You  _own_  a house, Luke?" Lorelai asked incredulously.

"Technically, I guess, they left it to me. It was just—I couldn't deal with things after my dad died. So, a realtor manages it for me and takes a cut of the rent. I just, I tried pretty hard to forget about it. I don't make a lot of money on it, after taxes and repairs, but I couldn't let it go."

"Oh, Luke," Lorelai whispered. "Where—which house is it?"

"It's the big blue one on Pear St, it's got a large white deck in the front with latticework along the top. Three stories, with a sort of large bay window protrusion, a little like a tower, on the right side on all three floors. And like I wrote, it's got a giant back yard with a screened in back porch."

"That..." Lorelai said, drifting off into memory. "Pear St, Luke, that house is next door to Sookie and Jackson! That house is beautiful!"

"It's actually a lot like their house, but bigger. It  _would_  be perfect for us," he admitted, a catch in his throat. "I'm sorry I didn't mention it before, I kinda told Liz I sold it after dad died..." he told her, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's got something like five bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms, a giant basement, we used to have a pool table down there..."

"Hon, would you be okay with this?"

Luke sat back, sighing. "Before my dad died, I always thought I'd raise a family there too. That or the Twickham house," he admitted with a blush and a smile. "I didn't think I would be able to, to move back there, but now that I've had a chance to think about it, yeah, I think I'd be proud to raise my family there."

"I want to see it."

"It still needs a lot of work, there's an old couple there now I think, the bathrooms at least needs to be updated."

"Luke," Lorelai said, cutting off his rambling. She met his eyes with an encouraging smile. "I think this is it. I actually chose the blue for this house based off of the blue on that one."

"My mom's eyes," Luke said, looking into his lap blushing, his own lips mirroring her smile. "That's how my grandfather chose that color, so we always kept it that same blue."

"Your eyes must be the same blue as your mom's," Lorelai whispered from across the ocean.

"I'll call the realtor tomorrow, we'll figure it out."

 

_I don't care what consequence it brings_

_I have been a fool for lesser things_

_I want you so bad_

_I think you ought to know that_

_I intend to hold you for the longest time_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The romance novels are all real! I read a few of them--the Highlander one was excellent.


	7. After The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am afraid I have some bad news. First, I need to credit the Little_Details community on LiveJournal for providing me with information in the Marine Corps. Basically, a lot of the things I needed to happen in this story, well, they don't happen with the Marines. So Luke is now Army, and I hope it doesn't cause too much confusion!
> 
> Song is After the Storm by Mumford & Sons. I recommend you buy their entire Sigh No More album, it's so awesome.
> 
> And as always, Jewel is an amazing Beta and I cannot live without her!

_And after the storm,_

_I run and run as the rains come_

_And I look up, I look up,_

_on my knees and out of luck,_

_I look up._

 

"I cannot believe you are insisting that I participate in this vile activity," Michel Gerard snarled, a swollen foot clasped firmly in his lap. With a look of extreme disgust on his face, he continued to apply pressure to the sole of the appendage.

"Oh, come on Michel, you're so good at it! Gaah, that feels  _so_  good. Uuuhhh..."

"You will not make sex noises while I do this!" he demanded with a stubborn tilt of his chin. He removed his hands from her foot and crossed his arms defiantly.

"Fine, fine! We'll listen to Celine in quiet, just don't stop!" Lorelai begged with a desparate, pleading smile playing across her face.

"Fine, but we must play 'I Love You, Goodbye'again because you interrupted it."

"Gah, fine, but you have to do both feet!"

"Deal," Michel conceded, returning his hands to the job of massaging Lorelai's aching arches. "I cannot believe you fit yourself through the door today..."

"Nice segue there, bub ... And thanks for the compliment. I don't already feel like an elephant."

"Sookie told me the gestational period for an elephant is tw-"

"Twenty-two months, I  _know_ ," Lorelai grumbled before leaning back in relaxation from Michel's bone-crushing pressure on her soles. "Sookie informed me of that gem as well."

"Will your nursery be filled with tartan patterns if it is boys?"

"What tar-? Oh, haha, funny, Michel."

 

_Night has always pushed up day_

_You must know life to see decay_

_But I won't rot, I won't rot_

_Not this mind and not this heart,_

_I won't rot._

 

"My God, Mom, this house is beautiful!"

"Isn't it? It's going to need some work, and the Thortons have  _just_  started to move their things out. It probably won't be ready until after the babies are born," Lorelai explained in the large parlor of Big House, her hands resting on her eighteen-week-sized stomach.

"Yeah, but it'll be worth it.  _And_  now you don't have to buy a house, plus you won't have a mortgage payment anymore."

"Yeah," Lorelai agreed, smiling. "I just love these latticed archways down here. Luke said his grandfather was a carpenter and carved all these little details himself."

"Wow, really?" Rory asked her mother, moving closer to one of the archways to inspect the intricate detail. "Mom, this is … This looks like-"

"My chuppah."

"Wow," Rory whispered in awe. "Luke copied the goat exactly! Didn't you say Luke hadn't even stepped in here in like twenty years?"

"Yeah," Lorelai said softly.

"He's so dreamy!" Rory said in a high-pitched voice, pretending to swoon.

"Oh, stop!" Lorelai told her daughter, laughing. "Come see the rest of it!"

Lorelai led Rory through the parlor into the large kitchen, wall papered with giant fruits and vegetables. The counter tops were all old, worn, and stained granite, but the appliances were fairly up-to-date.

"The wallpaper will need to go, of course. Luke already warned me about this. His grandparents really liked theming rooms with gaudy wallpaper. And the appliances belong to the Thortons, so we'll have to get some new stuff. Luke was pretty excited about it, though. He's been an online super-shopper."

"He is getting to be quite the computer nerd," Rory commented, running her hand across the old countertop. "This is so cool."

"Apparently," Lorelai said, continuing in a macho voice, "they don't make 'em like this anymore."

"Oh, boys and their countertops!" Rory said cheerily. "I can't believe we never knew he owned this house!"

"Yeah, of course, once I found out and asked Patty about it, it was like  _Luke's Dark Day_  all over again."

"Luke's Dark Day all over again?"

"Yeah, just the fact that I never knew about it until it happened. Patty was all, 'Of course he owns that house, dear. We knew he could  _never_  sell it.'"

"So weird ... So where's my room?"

"Oh! Lets go upstairs!"

Big House had three stories, as Luke had described. Four of the five bedrooms were on the second floor and a third bedroom was nestled snuggly in the remodeled attic next to a large storage space. When Lorelai and Rory found themselves on this remodeled third floor, Rory couldn't contain her excitement.

"I had no idea there was a little kitchenette up here! And a full bathroom! Mom, this is amazing."

"Yeah, Luke's parents had set this up for his granddad, Lucas, when they moved in with him. So I was thinking this could be your space, if you want. You could also take one of the rooms downstairs, but we thought you'd like this."

Rory was perusing a large shelf of old books near the tiny attic window that sat before a padded window seat. At her mother's words she plopped down onto the window seat. "Wow, Mom, I would love this! I could fit all my books up here!"

"These," Lorelai told her, gesturing towards the antique novels that lined the left wall, "are your future great-grandfather Lucas', and Luke said he wanted you to have them."

"What?" Rory asked, her jaw dropping. "Mom ... there's a first edition  _Moby Dick_  in there."

"Yeah, and apparently a super old  _Robinson Crusoe_  that Luke used to love as a kid. Lucas Williams went to UConn for Literature before he opened the hardware store. Interesting man."

"Mom, is Luke sure about this?" Rory asked, fingering the gold leaf of one of the books. "These books are ... These should stay in the family."

"Sweets," Lorelai said, moving to sit next to her daughter. " _You're_  part of the family. When Luke gets back, he's not just going to have two toddlers waiting for him. He's going to have a daughter."

"Mom," Rory whispered, her eyes filled with tears. "I'm  _so_  happy it's Luke."

Lorelai moved to wrap her arms around Rory. "I know, hon, I know," she soothed while smoothing down Rory's hair.

"He better come home in one piece."

Lorelai nodded in agreement, struggling to keep her own tears at bay.

"You miss him?" Rory asked, turning towards her mother.

" _So_  much," Lorelai managed to whisper before losing her words in the tears that slid down her cheeks.

 

_And I took you by the hand_

_And we stood tall,_

_And remembered our own land,_

_What we lived for._

 

"I didn't think it was possible, but I think it might be even hotter in this damn desert today than it was yesterday," Luke grumbled, pulling the collar of his fatigues off of his neck.

"Good thing we get to ride  _Betty_  today!" Sean exclaimed, shoving Luke with his shoulder.

"Would you stop calling the truck that?" Luke asked, shaking his head.

"Have you got a problem riding a  _Betty_?" Sean laughed. "Oh, you only want to ride  _Lorelai_ ," At Lorelai, he raised the pitch of his voice.

"Jeez, would you stop?"

"We could name it  _Lorelai_ , but then I'd also be riding he-"

"McCann!" Luke practically shouted, swinging the driver's side door open forcefully. "Get in the damn truck before I drive off without you!" he added with a slam of the door.

"Heh, sorry, man. You're too easy," McCann said as he climbed into the passenger seat. "So who is this guy we're picking up again?"

"Just some politician, I guess," Luke explained, reaching into his breast pocket to pull out a small sheet of paper. "Here," he said, handing the form over to Sean.

"Man,  _Khowst_? That's like an eight-hour drive from Kandahar. And they want us to turn right around once we pick him up?"

"Yup," Luke said succinctly, starting the engine. "You're driving back, by the way."

"Great," Sean groaned, fiddling with the disc player. "Jimmy Buffet?" he asked, pulling a disc out. "How the heck did this thing get in here?"

Luke laughed before ripping the disk out of his hand. "Driver chooses the music."  _If Lorelai isn't your passenger_ , he thought as he pulled out.

"Eight hours just got a lot longer," Sean muttered under his breath to Luke's amused chuckles.

 

_And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears._

_And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears._

_Get over your hill and see what you find there,_

_With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair._

 

Four hours outside of Kandahar, it was just past noon and the road heading north had been completely empty. Sean had been lulled to sleep by the soft thump of the truck riding over gravel and poorly paved roads. The Jimmy Buffet CD sat quiet, having ended three hours prior. Luke welcomed the silence (save for Sean's occasional snores in his sleep), happy to have the time to think.

His thoughts strayed to the discussion he'd had with his realtor about Big House. Making lists of all the renovations they'd need to do, coming up with plans on how to make sure everything worked out perfectly without him there. And  _damn_  those stainless steel appliances looked nice. He'd love to cook every meal for his family on a real Viking. He wouldn't place any of the burdens of the remodel of Big House on Lorelai. He knew she was already tired and uncomfortable, hardly able to handle everything she was used to doing on a daily basis.

A small flame a jealousy lit in his belly when he thought of Lorelai telling him about convincing Michel to massage her feet. He wanted to be the one to do that. He wanted to feel her belly, feel the twins kicking, hold her in his arms at night, to be there for her when she needed him. He had ideas in his mind as to how those things would go, what they'd feel like, how he'd react, but nothing would be as sweet as actually being there.

At least he didn't have to worry about Michel trying to steal his five months pregnant fiancee away from him.  _Fiancee_. He should have married her before he left.

His thoughts wandered to the diner and the last conversation he'd had with Caesar. Damn the cold bananas. He was never going to be able to keep them outside of his fridge now. He should promote Caesar to Manager now, though. It'd cost him more, but the kid had already proven himself. He hoped Caesar wasn't giving Lorelai real coffee, but he trusted Lorelai to not try to take advantage of his Assistant Manager (soon to be Manager). Hopefully, she was eating well. He tried to encourage his staff to make sure they gave her a side of vegetables with all of her meals after he'd found out she was expecting. Who was he kidding, though? The woman could talk herself out of Fort Knox if she wanted to. He'd talk to her about that the next time they Skyped.

It  _would_  cost more to promote Caesar; he'd have to give him a raise. With all the renovations and changes, maybe he could rent out his old apartment to someone he trusted. He wondered if he even knew where Caesar lived. Well, they  _were_  selling Lorelai's house, he reminded himself. That'd help, and they'd already bought a lot of new furniture after the last remodel of it. That had certainly cost him, but it had been worth it when he'd seen Lorelai's reaction.  _Dammit_ , he thought, realizing he'd miss her reaction to the new house when it was done. Maybe he could get Rory or Sookie to videotape it.

He chuckled to himself, thinking about how he'd become fast friends with technology since he'd left America.  _That house is going to look amazing again_ , he thought. Small goosebumps formed on his forearms when he imagined how proud his dad would be.

"Dammit," he muttered under his breath. He had told Liz he'd sold Big House, mostly to keep her out of it, knowing she'd probably destroy it at the time if he'd allowed her to live there with her beau of the week. She was going to be mad – that was for sure. At least his father had left the house and business specifically to Luke in his will. Maybe Lorelai would know what to say to her. He guessed that there was a chance Liz would understand if she knew Luke wanted to live in that house with his family. But really, after their dad had died, he'd been closer to wanting to burn it more than anything else. The only thing that had stopped him from selling it or destroying it was all the hard work that his family had put into it over the years.

 _Well_ , he mused,  _it might be the one thing I can impress Emily Gilmore with_. It didn't have as many rooms as her mansion, but at least she'd know he was taking care of her daughter. He hadn't spoken to Richard or Emily since an uncomfortable Friday Night Dinner five months prior, but he'd received a few items in the mail from them. The first item was a pair of premium military issue boots that fit him like a glove. He still wondered how they knew what size his feet were and that he had high arches. The second had been an incredibly expensive diver's watch, and although Luke still hadn't stepped foot in water deeper than an inch, he wore the watch every day and was glad to have it. The last item was a pair of Ray-Ban aviator sunglasses with chrome frames that he was currently sporting. He had to admit, everything he had received from the Gilmores had come in handy, and he was grateful for them. He'd probably even use the boots, watch, and sunglasses when he finally got back home.

He made a mental note to ask Lorelai if she knew about any of it. They were certainly items he'd needed, having not even thought of bringing a pair of sunglasses or a watch rated for the high temperatures of the desert (his own watch had died two weeks after he'd arrived due to condensation under the glass face). He made another mental note to not mention to Lorelai how expensive everything probably was.

When he got home, he'd take Lorelai and the twins on a vacation to Death Valley in California. He wanted to show her what it was like in the desert and that he was proud of what he had accomplished. His heart swelled when he thought of how proud she'd be of him.

 

_And now I cling to what I knew_

_I saw exactly what was true_

_But oh no more._

_That's why I hold,_

_That's why I hold with all I have._

_That's why I hold._

 

There she was, a tall beautiful goddess with flowing raven hair. It was as if she was a pinnacle of light that he could find with his eyes closed, always drawing him towards her. She was clad in a sun dress covered in pink and yellow daisies with her skirt fluttering behind her long legs in the wind. And dear God in Heaven, she was so sexy and so beautiful in something so simple. In one of her arms was a two-year-old girl who was wearing a sun dress matching her mother's and white patent leather Mary Jane's over perfectly white socks with lace frills at the top. The little girl's hair was the same color and curl as her mother's, but pulled back with plastic yellow barrettes. At Lorelai's feet, hand clasped in hers, was a small boy with sandy blond wavy hair in a sailor suit and blue forward facing ball cap with a Boston 'B'. His other hand was firmly gripped in his mouth. Lorelai was smiling at Luke as he came towards her, her eyes beaming with love and overflowing with tears.

Luke approached them in his blue dress uniform, beret on his head, crying and laughing himself, itching to take that woman and those babies into his arms. He couldn't believe how much their daughter looked like Lorelai and how much their son looked like him. The toddlers were shy; the boy was hiding his head in his mother's skirt and the girl soon had her face buried in her mother's neck.

His lips made for Lorelai's cheek.  _God!_ he thought _. I_ _t's so soft! I haven't felt something so soft on my lips in three years!_  Unable to speak, he wrapped his arms around his fiancee, nestling his daughter's head in his right hand, reaching down with his left to touch his son's capped head. Having his family in his arms was the most amazing feeling.

He stepped back and brushed his lips over the girl's forehead, smoothing her hair back. Crying, he said her name, and Lorelai told her he was her daddy. Luke bent forward to draw the boy into his arms and introduce himself as his daddy, saying he was sorry that he had been gone for so long. He promised to make them breakfast every morning and take them fishing at the lake whenever they wanted.

His son started to cry for his mother, and Luke's heart broke for a moment. Lorelai just smiled at him, cooed to the boy, and swapped babies. His daughter was more brazen. She grabbed his scruffy cheeks and looked him in the eyes. Luke gasped when he saw his mother's powder-blue eyes shining back at him through his daughter and kissed her chubby cheek. She giggled when his beard rasped against her skin and immediately blushed before burying her face in her father's neck.

Broken heart healed, he smiled at his Lorelai again, grabbing her hand tightly and leading her out of the military base.  _Take me home,_  he'd said, inhaling the scent of freshly cleaned baby from his son and daughter and lilacs wafting from his fiancee's hair.  _Ahh, the smell of home,_  he thought smiling. _And now we've got a wedding to go to._

 

_I will die alone and be left there._

Well _I guess I'll just go home,_

_Oh God knows where._

_Because death is just so full and mine so small._

Well _I'm scared of what's behind and what's before._

 

Boots, polished to a reflective sheen, marching in tandem across the poorly cared for grass of the front lawn. Perfectly hemmed, ironed and pleated pants hung at the proper distance in relation to the ankle and the boots. Morning dew, recently condensed upon the unruly blades of grass, attached small droplets of themselves to the hemisphere of leather and black boot polish. Blue berets, bobbing in slow motion, both of them in unison, moving closer and closer. Like her heart beat, no matter how much she begged it to slow down, the advancing Army officers refused to listen to her silent, desperate pleas.

Not today, not this morning, not now! She begged. Her heart breaking slowly as they made the short march towards her door. That small jaunt was almost a hop, ski and jump from the driveway. She had made that short journey a million times herself and had never paid any mind to the distance or time it took her to reach the front porch stairs. And now she stared at it, awaiting her own fate, her own judgement day, wishing that the distance between the driveway and the door was a mile long.

One perfectly polished boot landed upon the paint-chipped boards of the porch. _I should have let Luke paint the porch_ , she thought. Then two feet stood upon the step, then three, then four – up the few small wooden steps made by a craftsmen in what seemed forever ago.  _Were the termites back?_  she wondered.  _D_ _id_ _the termites know why those Army officers were there?_  The boots reached the landing and she could see the blurred and terrifying forms of two Army Officers through the chipped glass of her arched front doorway.  _Not just my_ doorway _,_  she thought desperately.  _Mine and Luke's! Mine and Luke's! See,_ she shouted at fate _. S_ _ee_ _,_ _I can share. It's not mine anymore! It's Luke's to_ _o_ _! He can't be gone if it's his too!_

The fateful fist pounded on the door like it was an executioner's axe having already completed its task.  _Bu-bump, bu-bump, bu-bump_ , the knocks came, like her racing heart pushing blood through its restricted chambers.  _Breath,_  she told herself _._ _If you delay it, if you pause here, he's still alive for that minute. For that moment_ _. L_ _et him live for another moment._

She made them wait on the opposite side of the door and took a moment of solace in her own imagined ignorance with her hands upon Luke's two growing babies wiggling restlessly in her womb, as if they already knew.

 

_And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears._

_And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears._

_Get over your hill and see what you find there,_

_With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair._

 

"God dammit, you idiot! Open your fucking eyes!" Luke heard, although all he could see was black. There was a pounding on his chest and he could feel his carotid artery pumping madly in his throat.

 _Open my eyes?_  he thought _. D_ _on't I already have them open?_  After a short internal struggle, he managed to crack his eyelids, fighting the gunk and sand that had glued them shut.

"Thank you, Jesus!" he heard Sean shout.

 _Damn_ , he thought, _the sky is bright._ Immediately, he squeezed his eyes shut and raised his hand to shield his vision. "Sunglasses?" Luke croaked, envisioning Emily Gilmore garroting him for losing those precious Ray-Bans. He felt the warm frames placed on his face and opened his eyes again.

He next tried to sit up, but felt hands pushing him back down onto the warm sand of the desert. "You really don't want to do that yet," Sean told him matter-of-factly.

"And why the hell not?" Luke asked, getting irate.

"You've got a bit of bleeding down here. Just relax for a little while longer."

"Bleeding where? The hell, Sean!" Luke sat up forcefully this time and almost lost his lunch when he saw his blood soaked abdomen and bloodied left leg with his pants-leg torn away to the knee. A sharp pain shot up his spine and Luke slowly laid back, cursing whoever he could think to curse at the moment.

"Yeah,  _smarticus_ , as you can see, you've got some shrapnel in your gut and I think your leg is busted," Sean informed him snarkily.

"Dammit," Luke moaned. "What about you?"

"Hit my head pretty damn hard and got knocked out. Came around a few hours ago. Otherwise, I think I'm okay."

"You're the fucking invincible man, McCann. How did we end up like this? Last thing I remember is driving along the road right after we stopped for lunch."

"Much as I can tell - since I got knocked out – is we probably hit an IED on the road. The north route is supposed to be safe, but you never can tell these days."

Looking to his left and right, all Luke could see was the expanse of the desert. "Where the hell is the truck?"

"About a mile or two back. I dragged your fat ass out here. Figured it wasn't safe to hang around the road in case anyone came looking."

"Jeez, I weigh over two hundred pounds."

"I  _know_. Feels like a thousand after ten minutes with your deadweight on my shoulders."

"We're gonna have to walk back, aren't we?"

"About a hundred miles to Kandahar is my guess. We were something like four or five hours out," Sean explained, working on bandaging Luke's abdomen. "But there's another small camp, probably fifty miles up the road from here. I'm thinking we can do ten miles tonight. If we can keep up that pace we could get there in maybe a week. Hopefully we'll come across a stream or something in the meantime. I took the canteens from the truck, but we're gonna run out even if we really ration the water walking  _that_  far."

"I'm not sure I can do ten miles with my leg like this," Luke confessed, his heart dropping into his stomach.

"I'm gonna splint your leg in a second. It'll feel better then, although you're gonna want to die before I'm done. Danes, you're lucky I have some field medic training..." he explained, only stopping to cough the words  _failed_  and  _out_. Clearing his throat, he continued, "We'll start the hike at sun down. It'll be better to travel at night, just in case anyone comes along. I figure we'll loop back to the road in a few miles and hope a search party finds us sooner than that. And Danes, I'm not fucking leaving you behind, so don't even fucking say it. You've got more to go home to than I do, and I'm not gonna let you miss out on that. Plus, after this shit, you're going to make me a Godfather, and hope to God the Godmother is hot  _and_  slutty."

"You get me out of this, kid, you get a room in our new house ... Did any of the flares make it?" Luke asked, gritting his teeth as Sean tied a tight knot on the bandage around his abdomen.

"One," Sean admitted grimly, setting about to find a splint for Luke's leg. "We'll use it if we see one of our guys or get within a mile or so of the base."

A few minutes later, Sean came back to Luke's side and stuck a stick in his mouth. "Bite down," he instructed. "This is gonna fucking hurt."

 

_And after the storm,_

_I run and run as the rains come_

_And I look up, I look up,_

_on my knees and out of luck,_

_I look up._


	8. Travelin' Soldier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jewels is the most amazing beta ever! Zombie kisses and hugs for her!

_Two days past eighteen_

_He was waiting for the bus in his army green_

_Sat down in a booth, in a cafe there_

_Gave his order to a girl with a bow in her hair_

_He's a little shy so she gives him a smile_

_And he said, 'would you mind sittin' down for a while_

_And talking to me,_

_I'm feeling a little low'_

_She said, 'I'm off in an hour and I know where we can go'_

"We're gonna be okay," Lorelai said numbly, rubbing soap bubbles into her bulging abdomen. "We're…." She swallowed, "We're going to be-" A sob escaped from her throat "Okay. Okay?"

She dropped her arms into the bathwater as if they weighed a ton, let her head fall back against a towel, and clenched her eyes tightly shut. "We're going to be okay," she said again with more strength this time.

Lifting her head to look down at her womb, she rubbed her hands over it once more. "We'll hold each other up," she told her babies. "I'll tell you all about him. You'll love him and make him _so proud_."

 _Luke left everything in his will to you, Lorelai_ , Liz's raspy voice played in her head.  _Even the Big House, which I figured he'd never really be able to sell. He'd have wanted you and his kids to live there. It's way too big for just me and TJ._

"He wanted us to live in the house he grew up in," she explained to her belly, struggling to keep a fresh round of tears at bay. "You guys will run around in the backyard at night amongst the fireflies in summer, like your Daddy did. You'll love it so much. I'll watch you from the kitchen, and we'll ... we'll hold each other up. We'll be okay."

"Mom?" Rory's voice came through the bathroom door. "You okay in there?"

Lorelai sniffed and wiped her eyes with a washcloth. "Yeah, hon, I'll just be a minute, okay?"

"Okay, Mom, just shout if you need me. I'll be here."

"Okay ... hon," came Lorelai's reply, laced with forced sincerity. Lorelai heard how hollow her words were and squeezed her eyes shut again.

Time traveling, that's what it was. She had somehow moved from the tub, gotten dressed in her new purple cotton maternity top and sweats, and arrived in the kitchen. She found herself standing there in front of Rory, her hands on her 20 weeks pregnant belly, explaining how she needed at least a few hours to herself. She was sorry that Rory had journeyed all that way for her, only to be asked to leave, but she was unable to handle the looks everybody had been giving her.  _Just a few hours_ , she begged. She needed some time alone; they needed to give her that. It was hard enough as it was.

 _Mom_ , Rory had pleaded with her.  _I lost him too_ , she'd said, tears falling fast now.

Lorelai knew that everyone lost Luke, that everyone was sad, not just his fiancee – not just  _her_. But something was gone – missing – from her heart, from her brain, from her body, and she didn't know what. She couldn't hold her daughter up, she couldn't be the stronger one. Whatever it was that had made her so tenacious had vanished. Maybe she'd find it again, but for that day, at the very least, she needed to not be anyone's mother. She needed to not be their grieving friend or daughter. She needed to be alone and only Luke's. Simply Luke's.

She couldn't explain that to her daughter. There was no way Rory would ever understand, not unless something like this happened to her. And she hoped to God it never happened to her.

She shot through time again and realized that she was sitting in Luke's old apartment, waking up on a pile of his shirts, just enveloping herself in the smell of him. How could he be gone? He was still here, all around her, his smell, his things, his world. She realized that she  _was_  sad, more sad than before she heard the news, but ... What was it? Something wasn't right. She had thought about this moment, more than she cared to admit. She thought she'd not be able to stand or function, not be able to dress or eat. Not be able to see color or be able think ahead to the next day. The very thought of the next day without him, well, that  _had_  to be indescribable. But she thought of the next day, and the day after that, and she wasn't scared, as if he was still going to eventually come home to her.

The two lives inside her were the same. They would have known for sure, before she even did. But they were still happily doing summersaults inside of her, kicking away, mercilessly hammering at her liver and bladder. Didn't she read in the baby book that they'd know? They could sense things, right?

She must have just been delusional, she surmised. Something inside of her brain must have broken when she heard the news. She wanted to believe so badly that he was alive. Wouldn't she feel him there with her,  _in spirit_ , if he were truly gone? Or was that just a bunch of spiritual mumbo-jumbo that people just told each other to feel better about losing a loved one?

She  _did_  feel him in that apartment, but more like in a way that he'd walk through the door in his flannel shirt and blue ball cap any minute, asking her if she wanted a burger for lunch. At the thought of this, her stomach rumbled and she could almost smell that burger. Was  _that_  Luke?  _No_ , she almost laughed,  _that's probably the diner downstairs._

Well, if she was losing her mind, she had good reason for it at least. Five months pregnant with twins, unmarried and having just lost her fiance ... She'd ponder it further over one of Caesar's burgers. She wondered if he'd still push Luke's veggies on her. She resolved that she'd take advantage of her perceived state and try for a real cup of coffee. She stopped short. That was cold, too cold. He couldn't be dead, so she was most definitely crazy, or living in a  _Lifetime_  movie.

_So they went down and they sat on the pier_

_He said I bet you got a boyfriend, but I don't care_

_I got no one to send a letter to_

_Would you mind if I sent one back here to you_

"Fucking God," Sean McCann muttered, struggling to take a step. "And fucking Angels in fucking Heaven."

"That's a pretty one," Luke snarked, his voice strained.

"Shut your fucking mouth," Sean grumbled, bouncing his shoulders to adjust his grip on Luke. "Jesus Christ, not only do I have to carry your fat ass across the entire fucking Sahara, I get your fucking commentary in addition to your God-damned blood all over me!"

"Thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain," Luke responded dryly, trying to hold back a chuckle for fear of the pain it would cause in his gut. He settled for a subtle shaking of his shoulders.

"Should've left your fat ass behind at the pond."

"Mud pit."

"Stop being a back seat driver, Danes!"

"Top seat ... driver."

"Ass. You know, the room in your house sounded nice, but you better fucking give me an entire suite. And a God-damned butler, a lava lamp, and a saltwater fish tank. And a Juke-box with a disco ball and fucking John Travolta in a polyester suit."

"And a blow up doll?" Luke asked, his voice fainter.

"I've already got the hot, slutty Godmother, remember?" Sean asked, stopping by a boulder that came up to his waist. "I think we're gonna take a break here, then have you try walking again."

He swung Luke off his back, propping his body against the boulder, Luke slumped disturbingly like a rag doll. "Hows your leg feel?" Sean asked.

Luke's head was sagging forward, his hands limp at his sides.

"Christ," Sean muttered under his breath, reaching to find a pulse on Luke's neck. "Just fainted again," Sean said to himself with relief before falling to his knees beside the boulder.

"If we don't find help soon," he explained to an unconscious Luke, "not sure you're gonna make it."

"If that happens," Luke rasped, before succumbing to a coughing fit, "I've been writing a letter..."

Sean, too tired to protest this time, just let his head fall back to rest again the rock.

Luke swallowed and wrapped an arm around his waist. "I don't want Lorelai to think-"

"She won't," Sean cut him off. "Get some sleep."

"Hear that?" Luke asked, his head still sagging forward.

"Those are just the voices in your head. Ignore 'em," Sean joked.

"No, I hear something..." Luke tried to explain, contorting his face in pain. "A chopper, I think."

_I cried_

_Never gonna hold the hand of another guy_

_Too young for him, they told her_

_Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier_

_Our love will never end,_

_Waitin' for the soldier to come back again_

_Never more to be alone, when the letter said:_

_A soldier's coming home_

_Lorelai,_

_I've been assigned another last minute mission, so I can't make our Skype thing tonight. I figured I'd write you a quick letter instead and have them send it along before the mail gets flown out today._

_I think we'll probably end up talking before you get this_ _._ _I think I'll only be gone for two days. I talked to Meghan Reinholdt, the realtor, and Tom this morning_ _. L_ _ooks like everything is set in motion. Tom is going to start as soon as the tenants move out, and he's already ordered the new kitchen appliances. I was thinking we'll probably want a desk for the office, some baby furniture_ _,_ _and probably a new big table for the dining room. If Tom orders everything for us he can guarantee it all, so returns and replacements are easier. He told me he'd give you a catalog the next time he sees you, so just pick out whatever you want. I keep thinking we're going to need two cribs! I really love that._

_I'm sure you've already been shopping a lot lately, and your mother has probably been going crazy. I saw these really manly hats online the other da_ _y –_ _blue with Boston Red Sox_ _'_ _B's on them, so keep an eye out for a package. You'll probably already have it when you get this. I couldn't help it_ _. T_ _hey're going to need hats_ _,_ _right?_

_I love you and miss you,_

Luke

_PS: Tell the twins I love and miss them too._

The letter lay opened on the coffee table next to two miniature Boston Red Sox hats. Lorelai sat staring at the three items before her, rubbing her belly in soothing circles. Her eyes were blinking rapidly, and she was trying to breath steadily. She didn't want to panic, and she didn't want to start shaking again. It suddenly felt too real for her to bear. Maybe she had finally gained her senses.

The letter was so casual, so comfortable, so succinct, and  _so Luke_. The thought of being a single mother again started to creep into her mind – that searing panic she'd experienced when Luke had first left and she found she was with child. She knew she was too old to do it again, especially with two babies. Maybe it was that burning anxiety that kept her from believing he was gone, from giving into what had to be the truth. Once she admitted it was really true, she'd most definitely lose it.

"Your daddy," she told her womb, still smoothing her hands over it again and again, "he really misses you," she managed to get out before gasping sobs overtook her. She had finally allowed herself to drift down into that nearly bottomless pit of sadness when a knock at the door jarred her from her thoughts.

_So the letters came from an army camp_

_In California, then Vietnam_

_And he told her of his heart_

_It might be love and all of the things he was so scared of_

_He said, 'When it's getting kinda rough over here_

_I think of that day sittin' down at the pier_

_And I close my eyes and see your pretty smile_

_Don't worry, but I won't be able to write for_ awhile _'_

His body eventually succumbed to the extreme exhaustion that had been tearing his strength away at the edges, and Luke barely noticed as two field medics checked him out on a metal stretcher. He saw Sean on the edge of his vision, talking to someone and gesturing towards his forehead. One of the medics said something to Luke, shouted it a second time very close to his ear, but Luke could hardly ascertain what it was. He was floating very closely to the line between consciousness and unconsciousness, barely fighting any longer to pull himself to the surface. The medic shouted again and Luke blinked, still unable to make out the words over the roar of helicopter blades and the blurring of the world around him.

He fell into blackness. The last thing he was aware of was Sean McCann cursing at him, those being the only sounds following him into a darkening oblivion. He was so tired and that darkness so inviting that soon nothing existed in the world that was his dreamless sleep.

 _This is what time traveling is_ , he thought, when he woke up a few hours later in a stuffy green tent. He tried to turn his head to look around, but his neck twinged in pain and he settled back down with a groan. His mouth was drier than the Sahara and his eyes were crusted over with goop. He raised a sore arm to wipe his eyes and gasped at his sun burned and peeling skin. He ran his fingers slowly over his face and imagined it looked worse than his hand.

All he could see above him was the blurred green canvas of the tent, an IV bag to his right, and an empty cot across the way. The IV bag was making a comforting dripping noise, and he allowed himself to be lulled into unconsciousness by the quiet consistency of its slow  _drip-drip-drip_. His dreams were consumed mostly of Lorelai, her soft breathing in his ear, as if she was sleeping snuggled next to him. He didn't know how he knew it was  _her_ in the dream, but somehow he was sure it was.

He was roused again some time later, he wasn't sure how long as he had lost all track of time. He was being moved by a few soldiers. One of them caught his cracked eyelids and told him they were flying to a military hospital in Germany. He had stabilized, as much as he could in the desert, and they'd operate on his leg over there and remove the rest of the shrapnel from his belly.

Luke struggled with the words but managed to say, "Sean McCann," to the soldier that had been explaining these things to him. He was told that Sean was being sent with him. He'd had a seizure earlier in the day and he also needed further testing.

"My wife?" Luke asked last, before being loaded up. He didn't even realize he'd said it, instead of Lorelai or his fiancee. The medic told him that his family would be informed that he was alive and being moved. They'd know soon.

That he was alive? Did they think he was dead? The plane took off and the increased weight of his body at liftoff caused him to drift into a fretful world of uncomfortable and feverish dreams.

_One Friday night at a football game_

_The Lord's Prayer said and the Anthem sang_

_A man said, 'Folks would you bow your heads,_

_For a list of local Vietnam dead'_

_Crying all alone under the stands_

_Was a piccolo player in the marching band_

_And one name read, but nobody really cared_

_But a pretty little girl with a bow in her hair_

"We've found your fiance, Sergeant Danes, ma'am," the soldier told her. "He's alive and being air lifted to a hospital in Germany."

Luckily for Lorelai the Army officer was quick on his feet and caught her as she collapsed in front of him. When she was placed on the couch with a glass of water in her hands, the officer sat next to her. He apologized for the pain that had been caused to her family, and he told her that as soon as Sergeant Danes was up for it, they would have him call her. Luke had some serious injuries. There was shrapnel lodged in his abdomen and his lower left leg had been broken in several places. They would operate on him in Germany, where he had been air lifted as soon as his vitals were stable, which had been that very morning.

The doctors treating Luke had all been very confident that he would recover. The soldier couldn't comment on if Luke would be discharged or not, but in cases like this they likely were. The man that had been with Luke during the whole ordeal in the desert, Sean McCann, had carried Luke partway across the desert to get him to safety. Sean himself was in critical condition, having passed into a coma only a few hours before the both of them were air lifted to the military hospital in Germany.

Because of the confusion, most of Sergeant Danes' belongings had been shipped back to the states. Lorelai noticed a trunk sitting in the front hall and almost fainted again. This time, the soldier noticed her face grow pale and instructed her to place her head between her knees – as best as a pregnant woman could. The weightless, blackening feeling passed, and Lorelai shakily accepted a packet of information with a pained smile.

"Can I go to Germany to see him?" she asked as the soldier stood.

He gave her a kind smile and nodded. "If you can fly in your condition, ma'am, we encourage friends and family to visit. You'll find more information in that folder."

Lorelai thanked him profusely, finally feeling as though bits and pieces of herself were coming back. After she closed the door, she fell back against it, slid to the floor, and cried. He was alive, he'd be okay, and soon, he would come home.

_I cried_

_Never gonna hold the hand of another guy_

_Too young for him, they told her_

_Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier_

_Our love will never end,_

_Waitin' for the soldier to come back again_

_Never more to be alone, when the letter said:_

_A soldier's coming home_

Getting to Luke would be Lorelai's biggest challenge. He was in Landstuhl, Germany at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center. She tried to figure out how to possibly fly there from the United States but was soon overwhelmed with how to manage her travel arrangements. Without thinking, she picked up the phone and dialed Emily Gilmore.

As soon as her mother's voice came on the line, Lorelai squeezed her eyes closed and explained that Luke was alive, in a hospital in Germany, and that she was trying to get over there. Her mother expressed her relief for Luke before scolding Lorelai about traveling in her condition.

Lorelai, exhausted and weary from the roller coaster of emotions she'd gone through that day already, broke down on the phone to her mother. She told Emily that she needed to see Luke, after being away from him and thinking he was dead. She needed to be with him, just in case something else happened. She knew he needed to see her, she knew he needed to touch her. She was asking her mother for help because she couldn't handle it anymore. She begged hoarsely, again and again until her mother told her to be calm.

"I'll take care of it," Emily said soothingly. "You won't need to worry anymore, Lorelai. Your father and I will take care of it."

"Mom," Lorelai said before hanging up, a small tired smile playing on her lips as she thought of Luke alive again. "I haven't told anyone yet."

"You needn't worry about that, Lorelai. We'll take care of everything. Rest now."

When Lorelai hung up the phone she fell to her bed and wasn't aware of the outside world until the enticing smell of a  _Luke's_  dinner wafted up into her bedroom. Lorelai rose to her feet and made her way towards the kitchen as if she were a cartoon character, her feet hardly touching the ground as she followed the trail of the enticing aroma.

"Mom!" she said, startled, when she finally emerged from the dark hallway into the lighted kitchen.

"Lorelai," Emily responded matter-of-fact. "I couldn't get a hold of your obstetrician. This is Doctor Blackwell; she'll be doing your exam."

"Mom, why is there an obstetrician in my kitchen at eight o'clock at night?" Lorelai asked, trying not to drool at the smell of french fries and cheeseburgers, wafting up from the kitchen counter.

"Your flight leaves at 6 am and you'll need a physician's release in order to be allowed on the plane at twenty-two weeks.  _Lufthansa_  outright refuses to allow women pregnant with twins beyond twenty-four weeks to fly, so you will not be able to stay long. I couldn't book a second seat on the flight so you will be going alone. I have already made contact with an obstetrician at that military hospital,  _Landstuhl_. Once you arrive, he will make sure the babies are all right. Now, Lorelai, if you could please speak to Dr. Blackwell, then you can have the dinner I've brought."

Lorelai, baffled and at a loss for words, allowed the good doctor to shuffle her into the living room where a few instruments sat waiting upon the coffee table.

"I hope you weren't dragged out of your home during dinner by my mother's DAR goons," Lorelai joked to the doctor as they made their way to the couch.

"It's not a problem," the woman responded warmly. "I've worked with Mrs. Gilmore in the past, on a few hospital fundraisers. I owed her a favor."

"Wow, well, when Emily Gilmore calls in a favor, she  _calls in a favor_ ," Lorelai said, moving to drop down onto the couch. "I warn you," she said dryly, "once I've reached the cushion, I might not be able to get back up."

Dr. Blackwell let out a chuckle and sat opposite Lorelai on the coffee table. "Actually, your mother chaired a fundraiser for a new wing in my hospital and she really made a huge difference," she explained as she started to mark off a few notes on a clipboard. "I don't think I'd be working in this state any longer if it weren't for her. Well, anyway, I happened to have a portable ultrasound in my trunk-"

"I never leave home without mine!" Lorelai quipped, hands resting comfortably on her womb.

"It's actually my husband's; he's a veterinarian. I'll just do a quick exam, and we can do the ultrasound if you're comfortable with that. It's sterilized."

Dr. Blackwell kept to her word and the exam went by smoothly. Lorelai, aside from an incessantly growling stomach, passed with flying colors. When the doctor poured the jelly onto Lorelai's belly to administer the ultrasound, Lorelai stopped her with a hand on the doctor's wrist.

"Do you mind if my mother comes in for this?" Lorelai asked softly.

"Of course not!" Blackwell responded happily, and Lorelai immediately called for her mother.

"Do you know the sex of the babies, Lorelai?" the doctor asked as Emily came in and Lorelai took her mother's hand. Emily masked the shocked expression on her face after a moment and tightened her grip.

"I don't … Things have been a little … I wasn't sure I wanted to know," Lorelai explained quickly before she got choked up. "But I-I want to know. I want to be able to tell Luke," she finished saying with a shining smile at the thought of seeing Luke.

"All right, let's see if they want to show us then, shall we?" the doctor said with a smile as she placed the ultrasound wand on Lorelai's belly and the machine began making a soft whirring noise.

Some time later, Lorelai was sitting opposite Emily in the kitchen, chowing down on her burger as if she hadn't eaten in days.

"Lorelai, really, you'll choke if you don't slow down," Emily commented, seated primly in one of the yellow kitchen chairs. There was an array of travel papers resting in front of her on the table and she was checking off a list of information on a yellow notepad.

"Mom," Lorelai said with mouth full of food. She swallowed before continuing. "Thank you. For everything. Getting the doctor here to sign a release, helping me pack, making the travel arrangements, having the driver to pick up Rory, going to  _Luke's_  to get dinner … For everything."

"Oh, it was nothing," Emily told her, a slight blush flushing her cheeks.

"This wasn't nothing. It was huge, Mom. Thank you  _so much_ ," Lorelai said, shaking her head, blinking rapidly to keep a fresh round of tears from drifting down her cheeks. "I don't know what I would have done..."

"You're a survivor. You would have been fine," Emily insisted, her eyes locked on her notepad. "I have always admired that about you," she said quietly, finally lifting her eyes to meet her daughter's. "Thank you for letting me be there tonight, when you found out."

Lorelai set her burger down so she could wipe her eyes. "W-when," she paused, squeezing her eyes closed. "When does the driver get here?"

"It should be any minute now. I'll accompany you and Rory to the airport if you'd like."

"I'd like that."


	9. Better Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Better Together by Jack Johnson. My beta Jewels, once again, rocks!

_There's no combination of words_

_I could put on the back of a postcard_

_No song that I could sing_

_But I can try for your heart_

_Our dreams, and they are made out of real things_

_Like a shoebox of photographs_

_With_ sepiatone _loving_

_Love is the answer,_

_At least for most of the questions in my heart_

_Like why are we here? And where do we go?_

_And how come it's so hard?_

_It's not always easy and_

_Sometimes life can be deceiving_

_I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together_

Two hours spent in a car with Rory and Emily, from Star's Hollow to JFK in New York City. Four hours waiting at the airport. An eight hour flight from New York to Frankfurt, Germany. Four more hours of transit to Landstuhl. All in all, Lorelai had been traveling for eighteen hours and arrived in Landstuhl at midnight, technically a whole day after she'd left. She had originally planned to go straight to Luke when she landed, but her 22 weeks belly disagreed with that notion and demanded rest. The moment she reached her hotel room – what looked like the honeymoon suite, thanks to Emily Gilmore – she collapsed on the bed and was dead to the world for the next six hours.

Lorelai arrived at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center at promptly 7:30 that morning. Bundled up to counteract the January chill, she stood outside for a moment to gather her thoughts. She hadn't seen Luke in five months, hadn't spoken to him in two weeks, and he had no idea she was on her way to see him. She took some joy in the excited nervousness that roiled in her belly, rested a hand on the twins as if to get them ready to meet their father, and pushed through glass doors into the vestibule of the medical center.

When she discovered the morning receptionist did not speak a word of English, she reigned in her momentary surge of exhausted-uncomfortable-pregnant-crazy-mother and smiled politely. After a few minutes of frustrated sign language and repeating words, she was pointed in a general direction with a few Deutsch words she was sure were not in her English-to-German dictionary.

She felt it, though, as she got closer, that ball of excited nervousness spinning faster and the babies starting to squirm. "We're almost there," she told the twins with a radiant smile. "You're about to meet your daddy!"

After turning the same corner four times, she ran into an Army nurse and was walked personally to room four hundred and fifty-two. The door was closed and the nurse left, leaving Lorelai the task of opening the door to see what was behind it. She took a deep breath, exhaled forcefully, and raised a shaky hand to the knob to turn it.

There he was. Oh,  _thank God_ , there he was, nestled comfortably under a blue knit blanket, his left leg propped up and his face and hands an angry red. He had occasional scrapes across his face and arms, but none so bad as to need stitches. His eyes were closed and his breathing steady, accompanied by the soft blip of the machines to his left and right. Lorelai was standing at the foot of his hospital bed, taking in his appearance. She felt her knees buckle and made her way to a chair at the side of his bed as fast as her pregnant body would allow.

Luke always slept like the dead, and she smiled at the thought.  _Not dead, alive._  She reached out to grab his hand but hesitated for a moment when she took in the ugly sunburn again. With a fierce scowl, she grabbed the hand quickly and looked at his face to see his reaction. He seemed to lift one corner of his mouth in a smile before drifting back into a deep sleep.

Holding his hand relieved almost all the pressure off of Lorelai's shoulders and she very nearly broke down with relief. Instead of an onslaght of tears, she allowed that overwhelming relief to lull her back to sleep, with Luke's hand still clasped tightly in hers. His steady breathing was the most soothing noise she'd heard in five long months.

_It's always better when we're together_

_We'll look at them stars when we're together_

_Yeah, it's always better when we're together_

Luke was dreaming. Not all of it made much sense – there were pastel colors and comforting noises. It was better than those nightmares from the plane ride and the crazy feeling of falling when they put him under before his surgery. Earlier, when he had woken up in the recovery room after his operation, he'd forgotten briefly that he was on the other side of the globe and had a moment of panic when a German nurse asked him how he felt. His recovery was apparently going well, the hospital food wasn't too bad, and when the grogginess from the anesthesia wore off, he'd be able to call home.

That was all that really mattered. He wanted to call Lorelai. He figured he needed to hear her voice as much as she needed to hear his. They'd told her he was missing, presumed dead. He worried for her and hoped she didn't take the news too badly, meanwhile knowing she would have. He hated that he put her through that, especially with her current condition.

Through most of the night after his operation, he just dreamt of soothing colors and sounds. He thought he might have been in a sea of foam with slowly changing colors and far off churning ocean waves. The foam felt like a soft blanket on his skin, cool to the touch but almost spongy in his hands. He let it take his anxieties, fears, and pain, and carry it off in waves of foam and light. He drifted without a body, deeper and deeper into that strange world until he felt something anchor him. It was the good kind of anchor, as if all of a sudden he had a body again and his hand was firmly clasped in another. He couldn't see it, only feel it, but he was sure it was Lorelai. He was still floating lazy and naked in the soft breeze of foam. His hand was anchored, but his legs could sink up and down, left and right.

Then he heard her breathing to his side and wondered if it was possible to share a dream with her. When he wondered if the babies had dreams, he slowly started to feel the bed supporting his body and soft beeping noises began making their way into his consciousness. He could still sense the breathing to his side and the hand holding his. The hand was warm and soft in his stinging palm. His eyes fluttered open for a moment and he saw the door standing ajar. Those strange colored lights shining through an ocean of foam played over his eyes again, and he struggled to bring himself fully back to reality. With his eyes completely open now, his gaze drifted naturally to his right and that soft breathing sound.

Lorelai was sitting there, slumped backwards, her hair tucked behind her ears. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing steadily, her left hand holding onto his. Luke blinked a couple times, not sure if she was real. He took in her very pregnant belly, and his heart started to pound in his ears. He ran a thumb over her hand, causing goosebumps to rise on his forearms from the absolute realness of her.

"Lorelai?" he whispered, tightening his fingers around her hand. "Is that really you?" he asked, his voice cracking. He swallowed as he watched her blink her eyes rapidly. She yawned and stretched catlike, resulting in her hand moving from his.

After rubbing her eyes, she finally caught sight of Luke and quickly returned her hand back to his. "Luke!" she said loudly, almost crying. "Hey," she said softly a moment later, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.

"Lorelai," he said again, swallowing. "You're here?" he asked her, struggling to keep his own composure, almost crushing her hand in his.

Lorelai nodded furiously in response before leaning on him to kiss him. Luke encircled her with his arms and held on, regardless of the pain he felt in his abdomen. They both cried as they reunited with a sloppy kiss, only really caring that they could hold each other again.

When Lorelai pulled back, she sat on the side of his bed with his forearm clasped tightly against her belly. "Luke," she said, still sniffling. "Meet your babies."

Luke moved his free hand that was now shaking slightly to her womb, and an ecstatic smile appeared on his face.

"You have a son, Luke," Lorelai told him happily, to which he was completely speechless. "We couldn't tell what the other one is, but one of them is definitely a boy."

"R-really?" Luke asked, completely stunned.

"Yeah, I was . . . I was thinking," Lorelai said, looking down at his hand on her. "Maybe we could name him Sean? I-I heard what happened."

Luke met Lorelai's watery gaze and nodded. "He - They don't know if he'll make it." He watched as a few tears fell from her eyes and lifted his hand to wipe them away.

"God, Lorelai," he cried. "I missed you so much."

_And all of these moments_

_Just might find their way into my dreams tonight_

_But I know that they'll be gone_

_When the morning light sings_

_And brings new things_

_For tomorrow night you see_

_That they'll be gone too_

_Too many things I have to do_

_But if all of these dreams might find their way_

_Into my day to day scene_

_I'd be under the impression_

_I was somewhere in between_

_With only two_

_Just me and you_

_Not so many things we got to do_

_Or places we got to be_

_We'll sit beneath the mango tree now_

"So, we just need to think of a name for little no-name here?" Luke asked, grinning goofily with his hand on Lorelai's exposed belly.

"Hmm, yeah," she said, seated upon the side of Luke's hospital bed with her shirt hiked up just below her bust. She moved her hand to rest on top of Luke's on her womb. "Did you have any ideas?"

"Well, I was thinking maybe Jane or Janey, like my mom?" he said, a blush barely showing through the burns on his face.

"You think it'll be a girl?" Lorelai asked him, her eyes smiling.

"Well, I mean ... I'm happy with either, but I thought ... a daughter would be nice," Luke tried to explain, his ears now as red as his face.

"When I thought you'd-" Lorelai said quickly, stopping short to swallow. "When you were missing, I thought I might name one Luke, if we had a boy."

Luke placed his free hand on Lorelai's thigh and squeezed it. "Least we don't need to worry about naming either of them Luke now, then," he joked, trying to prevent the pooling tears in her eyes from falling.

Lorelai looked away for a moment and wiped her eyes before returning her gaze to him. "I also really like your dad's name, Micajah-Cage."

"Mmm." Luke chuckled, then cringed from the pain in his gut. "Don't make me laugh, Lorelai."

"Why is that so funny?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"Grandma Bonnie got it from some taudry romance novel she really liked, about some southern Confederate soldier. My dad always said he liked his name but didn't appreciate it when his mother told people who she named him after."

"Wow, really?" Lorelai asked him, returning his smile.

"Yeah, well, I guess the author based her character off of a real guy, Micajah Autrey, but it didn't stop us from teasing Dad about his ... love larger than Texas, or his intense flames of agony, that sort of thing."

"Well, I still like it," Lorelai said petulantly, unable to hide an amused smile from blooming on her face.

"I do too," Luke said with a chuckle.

"I also thought that Agnes - Nessa, your Danes family name, was really unique."

"Mmmm," Luke agreed happily, his hand still caressing Lorelai's bare belly. "Who's the one that keeps kicking me?"

"That's Sean, pretty sure," Lorelai informed him, moving her hand next to his to feel the rumbling. "Quite the kicker. Maybe he'll be a soccer player?"

"Nah, field goal kicker," Luke said before lowering his eyes. "When we were out there, Sean and I, I told him he could be a Godfather."

"Okay," Lorelai agreed easily, moving her hand over his. "We owe him a lot more than that. I hope to God he makes it..."

"Yeah, Lorelai, would you..." Luke began, drifting off. He took a deep breath and continued, "would you go visit him? They won't let me go over to where he is, but he doesn't have anyone."

"I had planned to. Do you want me to go now?"

"I was just thinkin' about him, laying there all alone. He deserves better than that."

"I'll go now."

_It's always better when we're together_

_We're somewhere in between together_

_Yeah, it's always better when we're together_

Luke was asleep when Lorelai came back from Sean's room. His breathing was a little more labored than earlier, she figured from pain, and hit the button on his morphine drip as his nurse had recommended. She waited by his side until his breathing returned to normal, kissed him on the cheek, and went in search of food. No matter how dire the circumstances, the twins would not allow her to forget to eat.

When she reentered the room, Luke was still asleep and she smiled at the new patient residing to his left. Lorelai returned to her perch upon the side of Luke's bed, this time knitting a small blue baby cap with her hands resting on the top of her belly. Lost in the world of knitting, Lorelai only really heard the soft tap of her metal knitting needles until a hand on her side stirred her from her focused thoughts.

She smiled at the rousing Luke before her, drowsy and extremely happy to wake up to her by his side. "Good nap, baby?" Lorelai asked him softly.

He nodded, looking at the cap she was making. His smile grew wider. "It's so small," he rasped, clearing his throat.

Lorelai grinned, her eyes lighting up. "Twins are usually born earlier," she informed him. "They're smaller."

"Read that in the book you sent me," Luke said, placing his free hand on her womb. "You comfortable sitting like that?"

"I'll be fine for a little while," she told him, reaching a hand around to her back to rub it.

"I was so happy to see you, I didn't - When did you get here?"

"Last night, around midnight. I'd left the house in the Hollow at midnight, the day before."

"Twenty-four hours? Jeez, Lorelai, what were you thinking, traveling in your condition?" Luke said, suddenly incensed.

"What was I thinking?" she scoffed. "I was thinking that they told me my fiance was presumed dead! I was thinking that you might not make it!" she said loudly, growing irate. She rose to her feet before continuing, red in the face, "I was thinking that you're an idiot who marches through a fucking desert with a broken leg, a hundred miles from anything!"

"Jesus Christ, you two could raise the dead," a hoarse voice said through the curtain to the left. "And he didn't march, I carried the fat bastard on my shoulders."

Luke, who had been listening to Lorelai's remonstrations with a clenched jaw, blinked when he heard the male voice. "Sean?" he asked, stunned.

"So I take it this enraged fury of a woman is Lorelai," Sean snarked as Lorelai moved to pull the curtain back.

"Sean, how did you get in the ICU?" Luke asked. "They said you were in neuro in a coma..."

"No idea, just woke up, thanks to you two. From what I can tell, it was a pretty damn nice coma too!"

"That would be me," Lorelai said with some annoyance. "I convinced them he needed to be in the ICU," she explained, softer now, starting to come down from her rage. She plopped into the chair by Luke's bed and dropped her head to the back.

"Lorelai," Luke said apologetically, taking in her suddenly exhausted demeanor.

"Don't," she cut him off. "It's okay, I have to go back to the hotel. It's getting late."

"Dude, you're so in the dog house," Sean joked feebly, snickering.

"I don't want to hear anything from either of you," Lorelai grumbled, cutting off Sean's laughing as she struggled to stand again.

"Sorry," Sean said quickly, a blush evident across his own sunburned cheeks.

"Lorelai," Luke said again, raising his hand to her. Lorelai sighed and took it, leaning down to kiss him.

"We'll talk tomorrow, Luke," she said softly. "It's okay."

"Get some rest."

Lorelai walked to the door and turned towards the two men with her hand on the light switch. "Sean, it's nice to finally meet you. Now, you two stay out of trouble while I'm gone," she told them firmly before switching off the lights and closing the door behind her.

"What a woman," Sean whispered, awe-struck in the dark.

Luke grunted in response, smiled, and closed his eyes to dream of little babies with blue knit caps on their heads.

_I believe in memories_

_They look so, so pretty when I sleep_

_Hey now, and when I wake up,_

_You look so pretty sleeping next to me_

_But there is not enough time,_

_And there is no, no song I could sing_

_And there is no,_ combination _of words I could say_

_But I will still tell you one thing_

_We're better together_

Sleep did not come easily to Lorelai that night, regardless of how exhausted she had felt before leaving the hospital. Her giant honeymoon sweet seemed to loom over her, and in the dark, all the gaudy furniture pieces looked like evil men lurking in the moonlight. She wanted desperately to go back to the hospital and sleep in that orange chair next to Luke. She reminisced about how easily she fell asleep after holding Luke's hand in hers and thought that if she went back it might be the same way. She wanted so desperately to sleep that when she did finally fall into the world of dreams, she was constantly greeted with fretful scenarios about missing alarms and Luke's bed being suddenly empty. In the worst nightmare that evening, she dreamt she had to run around the entire hospital searching for Luke with a full bladder. All the beds were empty and that annoying German nurse seemed to be waiting for her in every corner. The dream was so disturbing that she was convinced she'd been tricked into coming to Germany and Luke had never really been found.

When she awoke, her heart was pounding furiously, she was drenched in sweat, and her bladder was about to explode. To add to her discomfort, one of the twins was awake and kicking at her full bladder, making it so she almost missed getting to the bathroom in time. It was six am, and she returned to her bed to ease her weight for an hour more of restless, worrying thoughts. She wanted to get up, to head to the hospital, to see Luke, but something stopped her from moving. So she laid there for an hour, consumed with constant negative thoughts.

It was eight when Lorelai arrived at the hospital, feeling even more anxious than she did the day before. She tried to brush it off, knowing that Luke was fine up there on the fourth floor. He was alive; she'd  _seen_  him. But she couldn't shake the feeling and resolved to see his face as soon as her feet could take her to him. That at least would loosen that ball of anxiety coiled tightly in her gut. Hopefully, it would also calm the restless babies inside of her who were currently engaged in a kickboxing match.

When she got to four-hundred and fifty-two, she found the door ajar and knew she had been right. In that moment she hated being right. She took a steadying breath and pushed through the door. The second grim sign was the fact that Luke's bed was gone from the room, and the third: Sean was awake and rubbing a shaky hand across his forehead.

"Sean," Lorelai said with a waver in her voice. "Where's Luke?"

Sean McCann met her worried gaze, as if seeing her for the first time, and exhaled forcefully. "He wasn't here when I woke up."

"Did they—"

"Mrs. Danes?" a man said from behind her, cutting off her question. Lorelai spun around and looked at the doctor with some relief. She didn't even notice that the doctor had assumed she was Luke's wife.

"Where's Luke?" she asked, her voice still tremoring. She placed both of her shaky hands on her womb and noticed the room had started to spin.

"Why don't you sit down?" the doctor said as he grabbed her arm to help her to the ugly orange chair before she fainted. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I think … just … a minute?" Lorelai asked him, strained. The doctor nodded and pulled up a second chair across from her. "Actually, please just tell me … Is he okay?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, your husband!" the doctor said, rising. He walked brisky to the doorway and pulled Luke's chart from a cubby on the wall. "He's fine," he told her as he read. "He was brought up to x-ray this morning. His orthopedist wanted to check out his leg again. He should be back any minute."

Lorelai sagged back in the chair and let out an enormous breath of air. "Okay, Doctor, you really need to lead with that next time," she groused, almost laughing.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Danes. I'm actually not here for Sergeant Danes."

"Lorelai. You can call me Lorelai if you'd like. Doctor…?"

"Fonzeratti."

"Fonzeratti? Sounds an awful lot like..." Lorelai said, unable to prevent a smile from lighting her face.

"It's  _all_  been done, believe me," the doctor told her dryly. "The soldiers in particular like to shout, 'Aaaayyy!' to me whenever I walk by their beds."

Lorelai chuckled, trying to shake away the dregs of anxiety that had settled around her that morning.

"I spoke to your mother, Mrs. Gilmore, a few days ago over the phone. She had asked that I give you an exam when you arrived. I'm sorry I couldn't make it over yesterday."

" _You're_  the obstetrician?"

"Well, the closest thing to an OB that a military hospital can have. I have an appointment in a few minutes, but would you be able to stop by my office later today?"

"Oh, right, of course," Lorelai agreed easily, resting her hands on her womb. Both Lorelai and Dr. Fonzeratti turned their heads when Luke was wheeled back into the room, looking irate and uncomfortable.

"Two o'clock?" The doctor asked, then slipped out of the room at Lorelai's nod.

Lorelai struggled to stand from the chair and moved over to Luke's newly restored bedside. Luke was rubbing a hand over his forehead, trying to regulate his breathing.

"All right, babe?" Lorelai asked him, petting his other arm.

"Yeah, fine," Luke told her succinctly, forcing a smile for her benefit. Lorelai just rose her eyebrows in question.

"Just, the damn x-ray tech. Idiot almost broke my leg again. It was  _not_  pleasant."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Your leg hurts?" Lorelai asked with a frown.

"It's starting to feel better," he grumbled. "I'm sorry," he exhaled. "Good morning," he continued, this time with a genuine smile and a tug on her arm. Lorelai bent to peck him on the lips and plopped back down into the orange chair.

It was Luke's turn to raise his eyebrows in question, and Lorelai sighed. "You weren't here this morning when I got in. I may have freaked a little."

" _A lot-_ a-mundo," Sean piped in, in a sotto voice, startling both Luke and Lorelai as they had forgotten he was there. When Lorelai glared at him, he shrugged and said, "Aaaayyy..." with a goofy grin on his face.

"I'll have what he's having," Luke said to the room with a confused look on his face.

_Love is the answer,_

_At least for most of the questions in my heart_

_Like why are we here? And where do we go?_

_And how come it's so hard?_

_It's not always easy and_

_Sometimes life can be deceiving_

_I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together_

"Was your blood pressure high before you left the states?" Dr. Fonzeratti asked Lorelai who was seated upon an exam table in a hospital gown.

"Dr. Blackwell had mentioned that it was slightly elevated, but not enough to worry," Lorelai told him, almost despondently, trying to force a smile. "It's higher?"

"It's cause for some concern, especially with a multiple pregnancy at twenty-two weeks since you're at risk for preeclampsia. Have you had any other children?"

"My daughter, Rory, but it was twenty years ago," she told him, her feet swinging nervously back and fourth below the table.

"And you're thirty-six?"

"Yeah, thirty-seven in April," Lorelai responded slowly, her heart rate increasing.

"Okay, I can still clear you to fly back home, for now. But come to see me again tomorrow and we'll keep an eye on it. We might have to cut your trip short to ensure that you and the twins can arrive back home safely."

"Oh," Lorelai said, stunned. "Okay."

"Make sure to take it easy while you're here. Don't push yourself or lift anything and make sure to leave every evening so you can get about ten hours in bed at night. I'll have one of my nurses send a more comfortable chair up to Sergeant Danes' room, and you call me immediately if you experience any discomfort. I'd also like a urine sample to check your protein levels, but Jean can help you with that before you head back downstairs."

_It's always better when we're together_

_We'll look at them stars when we're together_

_Yeah, it's always better when we're together_

"He was just worried because my blood pressure is elevated," Lorelai explained to Luke. She was seated on the side of his hospital bed and had his hand clasped tightly in her own.

"Are you worried, Lorelai?" Luke asked her, curious to know what she thought.

Lorelai was only able to nod in response, then she crumbled before him. The tears she had been holding at bay all morning fell swiftly from her eyes, and she leaned towards Luke to place her head on his shoulder.

"Hey, hey," he soothed. "We made it this far," he told her. "We can do anything now."

"I think … I think I hurt them," she told him softly. "When we thought … When they told us … It was awful, I wasn't supposed to get … I couldn't help it," she cried.

"Hey, come on, if anyone hurt them, it wasn't you," Luke insisted, rubbing her back, his own muscles going tense.

"No." Lorelai shook her head forcefully as she pulled back. "You didn't do anything wrong, Luke!"

"Lorelai," Luke said softly before swallowing and wiping the tears from her cheeks. "If anything happened to you or those babies, I ... I'd never forgive myself."

"Luke," came Lorelai's barely audible response.

Taking in a giant lungful of air, Luke continued, unable to meet her eyes. "I know you were supposed to stay for a week ... Maybe it's best if you go home sooner, just to be on the safe side."

"You know I'd much rather stay with you," Lorelai said, looking down at her hands clasped in his.

"You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that," Luke responded huskily.

A corner of Lorelai's mouth quirked up, and she raised an eyebrow at him.

"Some days, I wake up from a dream about ... about buying your basket and having a picnic in the gazebo and you walking away," he explained, almost in an awed whisper. "And I wake up and think, 'Wow, she really loves me. That girl is mine.'" Luke finished, the corners of his own lips lifting upwards.

Lorelai looked down coyly before her eyes met his. Her grip tightened. "I'll call my mother," she said sadly. Luke merely nodded, gulping as he squeezed his fingers around hers.


	10. Faithfully

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure you all know it, Faithfully by Journey.
> 
> 3/26/2019 - I wrote this chapter back in 2011 and then never posted it! I am so sorry to have kept everyone waiting. I want to wrap this up this week!

_Highway run_

_Into the midnight sun_

_Wheels go round and round_

_You're on my mind_

_Restless hearts_

_Sleep alone tonight_

_Sending all my love_

_Along the wire_

Brushing her fingers across his sweating brow, she could almost feel the thin layer of him holding his worst nightmares at bay. There was a strange energy emanating from the gentlest man she'd ever known, a small thing had changed and she wished that her mere contact would force that new thing to leave him. When he slept, he looked so innocent and peaceful, that was until his dreams would begin to take hold. By sheer force of will, she resolved, to smother him with so much love that he would have no other choice but to return to the happy - if yet a bit grumpy - Luke she knew before he left.

He knew something had changed, Lorelai could see it in his faltering gaze, his inability to hold eye contact for just a moment longer. While in the hospital, Luke could succumb to pain medication, giving him an easy pathway to sleep and temporary oblivion. Lorelai knew that when it was time for him to come home to her, his demons would likely be greater.

A surge of anger shot through her. The Army took the man she loved from her, kept him away when she needed him, put him through hell and broke him. And then when they finally returned Luke to her, they sent a broken man that she would have to fix. To fix Luke, it was ironic in a way, she'd need to repair the man that was always trying to fix things for everyone else.

Soft words startled Lorelai, shaking her from her reverie. "He keeps a lot of it inside."

Lorelai turned to glance at Sean, who was comfortably reclined in bed and blinking drowsily. When she focused her attention back on Luke, Sean continued. "Took me forever to get the bastard to open up."

"I know it won't be easy," Lorelai replied softly, brushing the hair from Luke's forehead. She turned to face Sean again. "Why did you push him to open up?"

"I don't know... he seemed, sad and angry, I guess. I felt the same way."

"Why did you enlist, Sean?" Lorelai asked, realizing Luke had never spoken much about Sean's family or history.

"My sister was killed," he told her candidly. "She was in the Army, five years older than me. It was enemy weapon fire in Afghanistan. She was passionate about this life, wanted to change things..." he paused, rubbing his forehead. The IV taped to his hand stood out in stark contrast to the blue veins and deeply tanned skin. "I wanted to finish what she started. Parents didn't like it much, but they understood."

"With this war," Lorelai began, knowing that it was a touchy subject. "It's-"

"It's difficult to know if you're doing the right thing? Really fighting for freedom and not oil? Yeah, that complicates it."

"Are you going to try to go back out there," Lorelai asked him quietly, her hand on Luke's shoulder as she pivoted her body towards Sean's bed.

"No," he told her. "I think I'm done. I got lucky, luckier than Macy did. Maybe I can do something good on the other side of the pond."

"I'm leaving tomorrow," Lorelai confessed. She had just gotten off the phone with her mother, the best time to go was too soon but she didn't have a choice. She rubbed her belly, thinking about the sacrifices she'd already had to make.

"Shit," Sean cursed under his breath. "He's gonna miss you."

"Me too," Lorelai responded, turning to look at Luke. "He'll be home soon though.

"Sean," she said as she turned back to look at him. "We you to come home with him, to us, to Star's Hollow. He doesn't think you have much to go home to, but you're a part of our family now."

"Lorelai, you really don't have to do that, I underst-"

"You'll come home with Luke, Sean," Lorelai firmly emphasized, clearly showing Sean that she didn't have the energy to deal with an argument. "We're having twins, we're going to need another hand around the house anyway."

"Yes, ma'am," Sean told her, a sudden grin blossoming on his face. "I guess I've got to show little Sean the ropes."

Lorelai wiped a tear away as she nodded along. Why did she have to cry to so much? She wondered, as she petted Luke's shoulder and took comfort in his even breathing.

_They say that the road_

_Ain't no place to start a family_

_Right down the line_

_It's been you and me_

_And lovin' a music man_

_Ain't always what it's supposed to be_

_Oh, girl, you stand by me_

_I'm forever yours_

_Faithfully_

"Hey, baby," Lorelai said quietly into the phone of her hotel room, having just left Luke in his hospital room. It was after eight pm in Germany, 2pm in the States, and she was exhausted beyond reason.

"Mom!" Rory shouted with excitement. "I have been trying to get a hold of you for days now!"

"I know, I'm sorry, I've been busy with Luke," Lorelai explained to her daughter, laying back on the bed.

"How is he? I miss him so much!"

"I know, kid. He's doing well, in pain, but well, and he's going to be fine. They're-they're worried about his leg, but we're just glad he's alive. It's a small price to pay... We'll have him home soon."

"That's good, that's where he belongs," Rory said with a matter-of-fact tone. "I'd give him my leg if I could!"

Lorelai laughed, a little of her exhaustion dissolving away at the mental image presented by her daughter. "That would look very interesting, daughter mine, to see Luke walking around awkwardly with a scrawny Rory leg attached to him."

"I'm not scrawny!" Rory squeaked with mock objection.

"Kid, there's just one thing," Lorelai said, sobering. "I'm sure you've spoken to your grandmother, so you know I'll be back to the Hollow soon. I'm having Luke bring Sean home with him, the soldier that saved his life. When I get home I think I'm going to need to take it easy, with the twins and the stress... I need you to do me a favor."

"That's good that he's coming to Star's Hollow, he's family now. And yeah, anything Mom."

_Circus life_

_Under the big top world_

_We all need the clowns_

_To make us smile_

_Through space and time_

_Always another show_

_Wondering where I am_

_Lost without you_

"I'm trying to be brave about this, Luke," Lorelai wept and blew her nose loudly into a tissue, hiccuping a few times before she could speak again. "But I don't think it's possible with all the hormones."

"Lorelai," Luke said roughly, clasping her hand tightly in his. He was sitting in a wheelchair near the hospital's entrance, and Lorelai was perched on a bench next to him. The muscles in his jaw tensed as he bit down. "I'm gonna be home soon," he forced out, knowing he was going to lose it at any minute.

"It doesn't make it feel any easier," Lorelai cried, laying her head on his shoulder. "Why does this feel worse than when you left?"

"You have to keep calm," he tried to sooth, running his free hand over her shoulder, knowing he was failing at staying calm himself.

"You're hurt in a hospital, I should be with you!"

"We don't want to have the babies in Germany, Lorelai, you have to go," he told her, running his palm along her hair, trying to memorize how it felt. "You got me through the worst of it," he gritted out before a tear fell. "I'm not even pregnant..."

Laughing sadly, Lorelai lifted her head. She kissed the tear on his cheek away, which was a messy operation as her own face was wet and puffy and her whole body was shaking.

"You've gotta go," he said, trying to help her stand by grabbing her arms and pushing her up. He belly hurt from the effort, but he didn't care. "Your ride's here, you'll feel better when you're home."

Lorelai nodded and kissed him one last time, both savoring the touches and smells of one another, to be thought of later and in their dreams. Luke watched Lorelai pass through the front doors of the hospital, wondering why the idea of her leaving felt so ridiculous. He wanted to chase after her, bum leg be damned, and every instinct in his body shouted at him to do it.

He should have married her, he thought, while she was here with him yesterday. Suddenly the hoops to jump through for a marriage license didn't seem too daunting. Why the hell didn't he do it? Oh yeah, he couldn't walk, he couldn't stay awake for more than a few hours from all the medications and his wife was five months pregnant with twins. His wife? He realized he thought of her that way already.

He signalled a nurse to wheel him back to his room, where he found Sean sitting up in bed reading a Playboy magazine. Probably for the articles.

Luke told the nurse he'd like to stay sitting for a while, if that was okay, and watched the guy leave, shutting the door behind him.

"Will you be my best man," Luke asked Sean without any hesitation, before he even realized the thought had been there in his mind.

"Of course," Sean replied, not looking up from his magazine. Luke realized how bad he probably looked from trying so hard not to cry, and letting a few tears eek out. He rubbed his face vigorously and repositioned the blanket in his lap.

"Got any more of those?" he asked Sean, nodding at the magazine.

"I don't think Lorelai would approve," Sean told him, tossing another magazine over from his bedside table.

"You kidding me? Lorelai loves that show, the  _Bunny Bunch_  or something. She'll be thrilled I know what she's talking about," he explained as he caught the magazine.

"It's  _The Girls Next Door_. They aren't usually in this. Not in the way you think, at least."

Luke opened the magazine at a random spot and immediately blushed when he saw a dark haired women laying sprawled on an old truck, her hair wavy and spread about on the hood. She only wore a red ribbon tied around her waist and looked solemnly out from the photo.

Sean burst out laughing when he finally looked up and took in Luke's reaction to the magazine. "Luke! Dude, stop making' me laugh, it hurts!"

Luke grumbled and wheeled himself over to the other side of his bed, trying to hide his blush from Sean. He looked down at the woman again, knowing it was wrong when he felt so strongly about Lorelai, but she looked so much like this woman on the page.  _Christ_ , he cursed, he hadn't thought about sex in months. What the hell was wrong with him? He wondered, suddenly getting hard from a Playboy. Pathetic. He flipped the page quickly and tried to concentrate on an article, trying not to feel bad that he was mentally getting off to a picture when his woman just left him for the other side of the planet.

"It's okay, ya know," Sean told him, grunting as he moved to lay on his side.

"What is?" Luke asked, staring intently at an article but not actually seeing it.

"To look at another woman in a magazine, to think she's hot," Sean explained. He put his magazine down on the bed and crossed his arms.

"She just left." Luke rubbed his face vigorously, it felt like a part of him was missing. He wasn't sure if it was because Lorelai left or something else.

"Sometimes when a guy gets mad or frustrated, he gets hard, Luke, it's a fucking fact of life," Sean said roughly, not even pausing or flinching at the word "hard". Luke flinched. "Let me guess, you were looking at the brunette with the ribbon on the '65 F-100," Sean continued, obviously having studied Luke's magazine thoroughly. "Look like anyone you know?"

"Fuck you, Sean," Luke said angrily, his hands shaking as he tried to spin his wheelchair around.

Sean sat up, suddenly just as angry. "You just want something to feel angry about, something to feel guilty about? Guess what, you didn't do a fucking thing wrong, stop acting like a idiot and accept that!" he shouted, rage turning his face red and making the veins in his neck stand out. "You didn't call yourself back into the God-damned Army, you didn't blow us up with a fucking bomb and you didn't force her to stay with you, to have those babies! Shit happens, asshole, deal with it! And for fuck's sake, stop trying to ruin what you have!" he finished, sitting back against his pillows. Softly and under his breath, he murmured, "you're a lucky bastard."

"You don't have any idea what you're talking about," Luke told him, his voice shaking, he felt himself losing control.

A German nurse popped her head into their room and Luke took the opportunity to wheel himself out, the magazine still sitting in his lap.

_And being apart_

_Ain't easy on this love affair_

_Two strangers learn to fall in love again_

_I get the joy of rediscovering you_

_Oh, girl, you stand by me_

_I'm forever yours_

_Faithfully_

"How's our boy doing, sugar?" Babbette called out as she speed walked across Lorelai's lawn, less than a minute after the limo driver had dropped her off and carried her bag into the house. Babbette huffed as she marched up Lorelai's porch, to meet an exhausted pregnant woman in the door jamb.

"Babbette," Lorelai said, leaning against the door jamb. She rubbed her belly for a moment for continuing into the house. "I'm-"

"Oh sugar, go lay down, I'll call Emily and Rory, tell 'em you're home. Want some tea? I'll make ya some tea, go lay down, they've been playing  _Gray's Anatomy_  all day on ten."

Lorelai smiled as she waddled over to the couch. She listened to Babbette close the door and go into the kitchen, then removed her coat and all but collapsed onto her couch, not having the energy to turn the tv on. She huffed out a short laugh when she heard Babbette conversing with Emily Gilmore, letting her know that she put her daughter to bed and was going to keep an eye on her. Rory came next, who was apparently already on the road to Star's Hollow.

She must have passed out for a moment, because all of a sudden the TV was on, there was a mug of tea on the coffee table and Babbette was sipping another cup in the armchair.

"I was idle for most of the day," Lorelai told her as she sat up. "And I feel like I ran a marathon."

"Travelin' with two babies will do that to ya, born or not."

"Luke's doing well," Lorelai said, remembering her neighbor's earlier question. "The damage from the shrapnel in his abdomen is healing up nicely, there shouldn't be much scarring. The doctor's worried about his leg," she paused and swallowed. "We'll see how it goes, they're playing it by ear, it was pretty bad. Luke's just happy he still has it."

"Poor guy's been through the mill with this," Babbette groused, sipping her tea.

"Mmhm," Lorelai commiserated. After trying a sip of her tea, to be polite, she set the mug down and dropped her head on a pillow. She woke up some time later to see that she was covered in a blanket, the tv was off and Babbette had left. She wondered where Rory was until she fell back under the tide of exhaustion once more.

_Faithfully_

_I'm still yours_

_It was Lorelai, on his truck. He couldn't believe his eyes. There she was, red fingernails and toenails, on his green truck, leaning back on her hands, her knees held together and bent slightly. The only thing she wore was a bright blue ribbon that brightened her eyes. He caught a glimpse of the thatch of hair between her legs and quickly looked away on exhale._

_There was something about this that was odd, and he tried to hold on to what it was, but then he caught sight of her once one more out of the corner of his eye and he was a goner. God, her legs went on forever, and the way she looked at him from up there, he never stood a chance at resisting her._

_He walked over, the gravel of her driveway crunching under his feet. It was broad daylight, and it should have been wrong and risky, but he didn't care. As soon as he got close enough she reached toward him and grabbed his hat. She placed it on her head at a jaunty angle and smiled down at him. "Come and get it," she said as she leaned back, watching him rove his eyes over her body._

_He planned to kiss every inch of her body and drive her mad for a change._

Luke woke up with a jolt. He realized he was in his hospital room and groaned. He was as hard as a rock and there was no way he was going to take care of it with Sean in the other bed. Besides, his leg hurt and his belly ached, and he wasn't sure it would such be a great idea even if he had his own room. He grabbed his laptop from the nightstand to check the time.  _Great, 3am,_ he thought. Lorelai would have been home for a few hours by then. On a whim, know it was 9pm in Star's Hollow, he signed onto the instant messenger account she had set up, and looked for her name in his list.

There she was, Sephoralai, staring up at him. Without hesitating he pulled up an IM window and started to type.

_LDanesSH: Lorelai, are you there?_

He waited a few minutes, hoping to God she was.

_Sephorlai: Luke! Yes, sorry, I fell asleep._

_LDanesSH: I'm sorry, I don't want to wake you._

_S: Babe, S'okay, been in and out all day & night. Had to go to the little girl's room. :)_

_L: Made it home okay?_

_S: Yeah, glad to be home, but missing you. Sorry I didn't call, went straight to bed._

_S: I think Rory was here, but must've slept straight through her visit._

_L: Missing you too. Don't worry, rest is important. I was asleep, too._

_L: Tell Rory I miss her, too._

_S: Mmmkay :)_

_S: Can we video chat?_

_L: Sean's asleep._

_S: Luke, it's 3am there!_

_L: Yeah, had a dream, it woke me up._

_S: A bad dream?_

_L: No, definitely a good one._

_S: Was I in it?_

_L: Yes._

_S: What'd I do? Wear? Say?_

_L: It's bad._

_S: I thought it was a good dream?_

_L: It was._

_S: Ohhhhh! I was_ in  _it. ;)_

_L: Shit._

_S: What was I doing?_

_L: Should we really be talking about this?_

_S: Yes._

_S: What was I doing?_

_S: Luke?_

_L: You were sitting on my truck._

_S: You mean Oscar?_

_L: Stop calling my truck that, it's Truck, not Oscar._

_S: Was I naked?_

_L: Mostly._

_S: Ooooh!_

_L: There was a red ribbon around your waist & you stole my hat._

_S: Sounds like me! I always wear nothing but a ribbon._

_L: I miss you._

_S: Me too._

_L: In all ways._

_S: Same. *wink*_

"What the fuck are you doing, Danes?" Sean called from the other side of the room. "I'm trying to sleep here."

"Shit, sorry," Luke said quietly, trying to type a few last sentences.

_L: I woke Sean up, gotta go._

_S: :(_

_L: I love you._

_S: I love you too!_

_L: Sean agreed to be my best man. Night!_

And with that, he shut his laptop, shoved it amongst the detritus of his nightstand and plopped back onto his pillows.

_I'm forever yours_

_Ever yours_

_Faithfully_


	11. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Home by Machine Gun Kelly, X Ambassadors & Bebe Rexha
> 
> I haven’t written fiction in ages (outside of a little Mass Effect fanfic on AO3 as katelai), so please excuse me for the writing quality. This was probably my most popular series back in the day so I really wanted to come back and make sure our couple is all settled in their life. There will also be one more chapter before it’s concluded! :D
> 
> Anyway, thanks so much for sticking with me, it really means a lot!

 

 

_ A place where I can go _

_ To take this off my shoulders _

_ Someone take me home _

_ Home _

Knives. That’s what it felt like. Knives, in his knee, trying to fight their way out. Luke tried to sit back and concentrate on something else, but all he could focus on was the pain. When Lorelai was by his side he was content to let the morphine continue to drip, and to lay back and sleep knowing she was beside him. However, the odd waking morphine dream state he’d been experiencing was starting to disturb him and all he wanted was reality. Some semblance of one at least, if he could distract himself from what his knee was telling him.

He’d be in surgery in the morning. They’d do what they could in Germany, give him a few days of recovery, and then send him back to the US with Sean. They were both tentatively booked to the same transport flight to New York. As excited as he was about going home, he was also more than a little worried. In a few months he’d be the father to not one but two screaming infants and he knew he wouldn’t be able to give them the attention they needed. Lorelai would be saddled with two babies and one husband with a busted knee and multiple surgeries in his future.

Lorelai had assured him several times that they could do it. They were not going to be alone, that he’d have support and she’d have support. But all Luke could think of was the long nights, knowing he couldn’t get up out of bed as quickly as her, worrying about her having to take care of two babies on her own. He didn’t want her to resent him for piling this all on her shoulders. 

Moreover, there was real fear in him, and not just about their future life together. A fear of violence that made his heart pound and his palms sweaty. Fear that made his hands shake, that turned the world a little gray and made his ears ring. Earlier that day an orderly had dropped a metal tray of hospital food outside his room, and when he heard it, that fear took hold of his entire body. He was terrified. Luke knew rationally that the clanging noise was inconsequential, it was nothing, it wouldn’t hurt him. Regardless, he felt in his heart and in a panicked part of his brain, like he was under attack. His anxiety would have gone into overdrive if it hadn’t been for the morphine drip that lulled him back into his eerie numb daze.

PTSD was nothing new in that place. He saw several women and men--hardened soldiers--cower in fear, cry, hide, scream, and panic. There was a whole department for mental health in that place, and everyone talked about PTSD. Every single day they asked him how he was doing, how he was feeling, did he feel anxiety? Did he suffer from depression? Hell yeah, he suffered from depression, depression was a constant in life for so long, he was shocked the day he realized he was happy. But he wasn’t going to tell some white jacket about that, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to put his feelings about the attack on the table. Especially not to some MD who just got his degree two years ago, who was barely older than Rory.

The best part? His mentality, his ‘hide it from them until it goes away’ strategy, was how most hardened soldiers were. So, they continued to chip away at his resolve. They continued to ask him the questions.

Luke scraped his hands down his face hard and sighed. He wasn’t going to sleep with these thoughts circling through his mind and his knee throbbing. Reluctantly, he hit the button on his morphine drip and let the fugue state drag him down into those warm waters and colorful mists. 

 

_ Look, I didn't power through the struggle _

_ Just to let a little trouble, knock me out of my position _

_ And interrupt the vision _

_ After everything I witnessed, after all of these decisions _

_ All these miles, feets, inches _

_ They can't add up to the distance _

_ That I have been through, just to get to _

_ A place where even if there's no closure, I'm still safe _

_ I still ache from trying to keep pace _

_ Somebody give me a sign, I'm starting to lose faith _

 

_ Home,  _ Lorelai thought to herself.  _ This place was starting to feel like home _ . She stood in the entrance of the old Danes big house, a VOC mask on her face to keep her from inhaling any paint fumes. She wasn’t technically supposed to be at the new house while the rooms were being painted, but she couldn’t resist checking on the progress. When Tom, their contractor, realized she wasn’t going to actually stay away, he gave her the mask to give them all peace of mind.

Luke had been right, the bathrooms were in serious need of updating--the third floor bath had a hunter green toilet.  _ Who even makes a hunter green toilet? _ she wondered. The master bath was in the process of being completed, but the others would have to wait until after the babies were born and Luke came home. The bill for the renovations was starting to climb high, and even Luke’s financial reserves from years of saving were getting scarily low. The cost of the appliances alone--Lorelai shuddered at the thought. She would never tell Luke that, he was the one that had always wanted those big shiny Viking appliances that Sookie liked. Lorelai wanted him to have any and all of the things that would make him smile. She hoped to the fiber of her being that this house would make him smile. That it would bring him some of the happiness he so deserved. 

Lorelai wasn’t a fool. She’d seen the shadows under his eyes, she knew he slept fitfully, and she knew about the risks of war. She also knew about the suicide rates, the risks of PTSD, opioid abuse, all of it. She had spent about as much time researching veterans issues as she did researching babies. She also knew that she’d have a hard time getting him to talk. It wasn’t easy and she hated having to press him, but she didn’t know of any other way to get through.

Resolved. That’s what she was. She would get him the help he’d need, whether he liked it or not. Even if he hated her for it. Lorelai knew she’d rather have him angry with her than talk to a hole in the ground. Anything was better than a hole in the ground.

“So?” Tom interrupted her internal musings. “This the color you wanted?”

Lorelai smiled at the pale yellow walls in the large front family room. “I love it, Tom.”

It was still morning and the east facing windows were filled with sunlight. The golden rays and the wall color made the room light up and Lorelai thought that it might be the cheeriest place in Star’s Hollow.

Tom nodded with satisfaction as he moved to inspect the room. “This place has good bones. The walls and ceiling didn’t need much work. The first floor should be done this week. Got a floor guy coming this weekend.”

Lorelai followed him, inspecting the walls as she went by. She could envision framed photos displaying their smiling children, depicting future family events, and cheesy special holiday photo shoots. She’d never been one for studio photos or taking photos in general, but after almost losing Luke like she did, she knew she wanted all of those memories saved in hard copy.

“You won’t be able to move in until the second floor is done, though. We’ve gotta do some major work on the stairs on the second story, and the hardwood floors up there aren’t in as good of condition,” Tom informed her, walking through the open archway into what was once a formal dining room. 

At the thought of a having a formal dining room, Lorelai chuckled to herself. This would probably get turned into a kids playroom or a craft room or something else fun. They could eat in the big kitchen, the table would be big enough, and she’d never have to miss a chance watching Luke cook.

“Tom, I’m loving you like a five dollar whore,” Lorelai told him laughingly. Tom cracked an almost undetectable smile and waved her into the kitchen.

“I sent Luke a video of the what we have so far, in here” he told her, gesturing to the half finished custom cabinets and large island. 

“This is all him,” Lorelai responded, touching her baby bump. “Well, except for the colors, that’s all me.”

“That’s what he said.”

The cabinets would all be off-white, like Lorelai’s kitchen at her old house, and the walls would also be that same pale yellow color. The kitchen had west and north facing windows, and would light up in the early afternoon. Lorelai imagined her two babies coming home from school and doing their homework in the kitchen while Luke prepared dinner. She could already imagine him at the counter chopping vegetables, asking about everyone’s day.

A week previous Lorelai had found an old heavy wooden dining table and chairs set at Mrs. Kim’s, one that she imagined Norse Vikings would have have approved of, and had purchased it on the spot. Tom, aftering giving her some flack about not ordering through him, agreed to have one of his guys clean it up back at his workshop. 

Tom soon left her to continue his work and Lorelai happily wandered until her feet and knees insisted that she sit, so she found her way to her Jeep and blasted the heat. It was January, after all. 

After experiencing the horror of thinking she had lost Luke, Christmas celebrations had completely fallen to the wayside. She had plans to meet up with Rory over the weekend and treat her to some belated Christmas traditions. She felt bad for depriving Rory of that, but she also knew Rory hadn’t been experiencing much Christmas spirit, either.

Her phone rang.

“My spawn?” she chirped into her mobile.

“What did I tell you about calling me that,” Rory chimed back dryly.

“That you are my spawn and love me,” Lorelai responded.

“Only half of that statement is true.”

“That you don’t love me?” Lorelai asked, faking complete astonishment. “I guess I’ll have to finally cancel your National Geographic subscription.”

“That’s  _ your _ subscription, mom.”

“Shh, don’t expose me like that!”

“Mom,” Rory said, clearly trying to reign the conversation back in.

“Yeah, sweets?” Lorelai asked, moving to take her Jeep out of park and back out of the driveway.

“Is it okay if I bail on the second half of our belated Christmas celebration? I need to prep for an exam.” 

“Oh, hon,” Lorelai responded, feigning shock. “But you’ll miss the tap dancing christmas stripper elves. I just put down the deposit.”

“Ha,” Rory intoned. “I am so disappointed that you didn’t book them for Saturday.”

“Of course it’s fine, my spawn. I have like five million Netflix DVDs I need to catch up on  _ and _ my belly is large enough to balance a bowl of popcorn on. I’ll be fine.”

“Oh, what tv show are you working on now?” 

“Desperate Housewives.”

“Seriously?” Rory asked, surprised.

“Don’t judge me, this is a judgment free zone.”

 

_ Look, I been through so much pain _

_ And it's hard to maintain, any smile on my face _

_ 'Cause there's madness on my brain _

_ So I gotta make it back, but my home ain't on the map _

_ Gotta follow what I'm feeling to discover where it's at _

_ I need the memory _

_ In case this fate is forever, just to be sure these last days are better _

_ And if I have any enemies _

_ To give me the strength to look the devil in the face and make it home safe _

 

“Sergeant?”

Luke felt like he’d been slumbering for a hundred years and struggled to surface. He’d slept enough for the last few weeks.

“Sergeant Danes, you with us?” a voice asked.

“Mmm,” Luke managed to respond, wondering if he was actually ‘with us’.

“Can you open your eyes?” the voice asked gently.

“Oh,” Luke responded, blinking, trying to remember what he was doing before he fell asleep.

“You’re out of surgery,” a nurse told him.

“Oh.” He rubbed his eyes.

“You’re in recovery now. We’ll move you back to your room in a little while. How are you feeling?” The nurse asked, checking her watch and noting down his vitals.

“Like Rip Van Winkle,” he informed her, his voice sleep roughened.

“Everyone’s a comedian,” she responded, rolling her eyes. “How’s the pain on a scale of one to ten?”

_ The pain? _ He wondered. There was a little throbbing coming from his knee, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been the night before. 

“Three,” he told her brusquely. 

“A meal is being brought up. Try to eat if you can. Let me know if the pain gets worse or if you’re feeling nauseous.”

Luke nodded. The nurse, seemingly satisfied, moved onto her next patient. 

After struggling to eat some sub-par hospital food, Luke was wheeled back to his room, where Sean was sitting up in his bed playing a game of solitaire on a rolling tabletop. 

“How’s the knee?” Sean asked without looking up.

Luke adjusted his bed into an upright position as the nurse with him helped to prop his leg on a spare pillow. “I think good?” he said to himself, wondering why he didn’t think to ask the nurse in recovery.

The nurse with him now, a young man with a military buzz cut, informed him that his doctor would be by in a bit to fill him in.

“How’s your head?” Luke asked Sean, feeling the need to talk but not knowing what else to say.

“Hard as a rock,” Sean told him, smiling. “Want in on this?”

“In your game of solitaire?” 

“Cards, jerk. War, poker, I don’t know, we could play Go Fish if you’re into that.” Sean’s teasing manner was back and the thought made Luke smile. 

“I’d play war,” Luke said as Sean rose from his bed and wheeled the tabletop over. He relaxed into Lorelai’s old chair and started to shuffle the cards. 

Eventually the doctor stopped by with good news, interrupting their game. He’d still need another reconstructive procedure in a few months, but Luke was happy to hear that they’d be heading home in a few days, and was content to spend the rest of the afternoon playing cards with Sean.

At some point a few hours later Sean tossed down his deck and fell back into his chair. He sighed deeply and Luke could tell that he was clearly wrestling with something. Luke waited patiently. He knew Sean well enough by now that it took him some time to gather his thoughts--that is when he wasn’t being a sarcastic jackass.

“I’m gay,” Sean confessed Luke quietly while looking down at his hands clasped tightly in his lap.

Luke cleared his throat, caught off guard. “Okay?” he asked, not sure of what else to say.

“Just wanted you to know,” Sean told him. His ears were flushed red. “I know I’m not supposed to talk about it here,  _ Don’t Ask Don’t Tell  _ bullshit and everything. But I think of you like family now. I just wanted you to know."

Luke met his eyes. “Thank you for telling me. What about the hot godmother thing you kept going on about?”

“I’ve been pretending that I don’t like men for most of my life. Well, until my parents found out and kicked me out of their house. That’s why I joined the Army.” 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Luke responded. “That’s not right. I’m sorry, man.”

“It means a lot to have you and Lorelai in my life,” Sean confessed. “I don’t think I could ever go back to Wisconsin. Not after losing my sister. After being kicked out.”

“You’ll always have a home with us. You’re my brother,” Luke said, matter-of-fact. “Family isn’t about blood to me and Lorelai. It’s what you make of it.”

Sean inhaled a shaky breath and covertly wiped away a tear from the corner of his eye. “Love you,” he said quietly and coughed. Luke laughed and reached for his hand.

“Me too, man,” was Luke’s quiet response. He turned red from how awkward it felt, he’d never told a friend he loved them before. Sean must have been feeling awkward as well because he jolted up and turned to the door. 

“Gonna go find out what’s for supper!” he said cheerily as he stalked out into the hall.

 

_ Now tell me, how did all my dreams turn to nightmares? _

_ How did I lose it when I was right there? _

_ Now I'm so far that it feels like it's all gone to pieces _

_ Tell me why the world never fights fair _

_ I'm trying to find _

_ Home _

 

“I’m a thirty-six year old lady,” Lorelai sang to herself, falsetto, as she attempted to assemble one of two tiny baby bassinets. 

Luke was coming home in only a few days, and it looked like his first assignment as husband might be to assemble baby furniture. That is if his knee would allow it. What were they going to do about the stairs? She could have Sookie and Jackson over to help move their bed back downstairs.

Maybe that would work. She and Luke could live in the living room again, they could put the babies in Rory’s room, and Rory could sleep upstairs.  _ Does that make sense? _ She wondered.

What about when they moved into the Danes crib? She wondered where Luke’s knee would be at that point. The nursery they had planned was on the second floor and where they hell were they going to put Sean in the meantime?

“Luke’s Diner,” Lorelai said to herself, holding two metal bars that didn’t seem to be included in the instruction manual. “He can stay in the old apartment.”

A blush overtook her features as she realized it was still probably a mess, from the day she’d gone up there and fallen asleep in his shirts. Maybe she should be there now cleaning it up, not struggling over a project she was never sure she’d be able to complete on her own. 

“I need to hire a life coach,” she muttered to herself, tossing the poles down. “And I have to pee.”

Calculating the effort to stand vs holding it, Lorelai pulled out her phone and dialed Sookie.

“How do you hire a life coach?” she asked into the phone as she struggled to stand.

“Why are you grunting? And why do you need a life coach?” Sookie asked her. Lorelai could hear pots and plates clanging in the background.

“So much to do, so little time,” Lorelai responded. “I’m five months pregnant. I have to clean up Luke’s apartment, put baby things together, get the house rearranged for when Luke comes home, get things at the new house settled. I think I still run an Inn, too.”

“You need a personal assistant, that or a nanny,” Sookie told her, sounding distracted. “You can leave the baby stuff to Jackson and I, we can put it all together. Why do you need to rearrange your house?”

“Luke isn’t going to be able to go up the stairs.” Lorelai made it to her bathroom and sat on the toilet seat.

“But you don’t have a downstairs bathroom.” Sookie, with the logic.

Lorelai cursed. She was literally sitting in the one bathroom in her house.

“You have pregnancy brain,” Sookie informed her, chuckling.

“What am I going to do?” Lorelai asked her. “I don’t want to make Luke go up and down the stairs all day.”

“He’ll be fine. He won’t want you to overextend yourself for him like this. He’ll want you to focus on the babies. Did you talk to him about this crazy idea?”

“No,” she said, frowning. “I should probably do that.”

Sookie chuckled again. Lorelai could hear a loud crash in the background and Sookie yelping in response. “Uh,” Sookie intoned. “Gotta go! I’ll be by later, sweetie!”

 

_ I found no cure for the loneliness _

_ I found no cure for the sickness _

_ Nothing here feels like home _

_ Crowded streets, but I'm all alone _

 

Armed with a wheelchair, Luke has some personal autonomy back and jumped at the opportunity to explore the recreational areas at the Landstuhl military hospital. They had enough ping pong tables to cover an entire football field and Luke navigated his way between them. Next he wheeled his way over to a lounge where several gaming tables were set up and a tv droned softly in the corner. This is where the other wheelchair riding patients mostly resided. 

If Luke was being honest with himself he knew he didn’t particularly want to talk to any of the other soldiers, or join in their games. What he wanted to was to go home, marry Lorelai, and get back to his diner. He knew things were never going to go back to the way they were before, but he knew he wouldn’t be happy until he was at least in it. He was also sick of wearing pajamas for every minute of every day--he was itching to get his jeans and flannel shirts back. His blue baseball cap. His head never felt right without it.

An angry shout roused him from his musings and he watched as a game board flew through the air. Two soldiers, clearly mid-argument, started to scream at each-other and wrestle on the floor, knocking the table and folding chairs over with a clang. Luke was completely frozen, gripping the arm rests of his chair so hard his hands turned white. The fight eventually broke up but Luke’s heart didn’t stop pounding and he didn’t let go of the wheelchair handles. He’d sweated through his t-shirt and only vaguely heard his phone ringing in the distance, as if he was at the end of a long tunnel. 

“Hello?” he asked, vaguely wondering when he’d picked up the device and accepted the call.

“Luke, babe,” Lorelai said cheerily on the other end.

“Hey,” Luke responded, trying desperately to come back down from the panic that still held him so tightly in its grip.

“I was just figuring out what we’re going to do when you get home. Do you have some time to talk through everything?”

“Uh, yeah,” Luke told her quietly, not really registering what she’d said.

“Everything okay, babe?” Lorelai had picked up on his tone and had clear concern in her voice.

“I don’t know,” he told her honestly. He drew in a deep breath and gripped the phone hard.

“I love you,” she said softly. “I’m here for you, if you want to talk.” 

“I know,” he responded. A tear slipped down his cheek. “It’s hard.” He was desperately trying to not break down right there in the middle of the rec room. 

“What’s going through your head?” she probed. 

“I don’t know,” he responded, suddenly aggigated.

“Okay, baby, I’m here if you need me. Any time, day or night. I love you.”

“Love you,” he told her. “I have to go.” Before she could protest he hung up the phone and wheeled himself back to his room.


	12. Leave A Light On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Leave a Light On by Tom Walker
> 
> Welp, I was hoping to wrap it up in 12 chapters, but Luke and Lorelai won't listen to me. I'll wrap it up in the next one!

  _The second someone mentioned you were all alone_

_I could feel the trouble coursing through your veins_

_Now I know, it's got a hold_

_Just a phone called left unanswered, had me sparking up_

_These cigarettes won't stop me wondering where you are_

_Don't let go, keep a hold_

"Mom, what are you doing here?"

Emily Gilmore stood on the front stoop of Lorelai's home in Stars Hollow, prim in a woven suit with her purse slung evenly over her shoulder. She had a look of cold dispassion on her face, which was to say that she was looking quite like herself that afternoon. Lorelai stood in the doorway, wondering why her mother's impromptu visits still managed to surprise her.

Emily gestured at Lorelai with a manila envelope in her hand.

"Lorelai, what's wrong?" Emily asked. She must have noticed the dark cloud following her daughter.

Lorelai inhaled and blinked a few times, before sighing and motioning her mother into the house. "I'm just worried about Luke. I spoke to him a little while ago. He's having a rough go."

Emily followed Lorelai into the kitchen and sat down, setting the envelope on the table. Lorelai, sitting opposite her mother, was happy to be off of her feet.

"Was there a complication with his surgery?" The concern seemed genuine in Emily's voice. Lorelai wondered when the other shoe would drop and her mother would inevitably explode or condescend to her.

"No, I spoke with his doctors, they said it went well. Luke... he just seems sad. Angry. Not himself," she tried to explain. She rested her face in her hands. "I don't know what to do."

"Oh," Emily said quietly. "He'll need to talk to someone. When he gets home. Your grandfather-my father-suffered from PTSD after he came home from the war. We called it shell shock."

"He did?" Lorelai asked, surprised. "I never knew that."

"Well, we didn't want you to know. It was so hard on him. He didn't like appearing weak."

Speaking about her father, Emily was quieter than usual. Lorelai could tell she was sorting through her memories.

"There were no resources back then. Even for our family. They just said he needed to be strong and it would eventually get better. It never really got better. But things are different now."

Lorelai nodded, and stared at the table, noticing the folder. "What's this?"

"Oh, these are a few candidates for your new nanny."

"My new-"

"Lorelai don't be ridiculous," Emily cut her off, fired up. "You can't do this alone, two babies, and Luke with his medical problems. Your father and I are paying for it and we won't take no for an answer."

"Mom," Lorelai griped while rubbing her belly. "We can't accept that. It's too much."

"Well, get used to it," Emily told her before standing. "All of their resumes and references are there, plus my notes. Tell me your three favorites and then I'll set up interviews. I like the look of the one at the top, the West girl."

"Mom," Lorelai complained, rubbing her face. "What-"

"These are my grandchildren we're talking about, Lorelai. I don't know how you could possibly think that I'd let you do this alone. Think of it as my shower gift. I'll call you tomorrow."

And with that Emily Gilmore made her exit.

_If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill_

_Guiding like a lighthouse to a place where you'll be_

_Safe to feel at grace 'cause we've all made mistakes_

_If you've lost your way_

_I will leave the light on_

"How are you feeling today, Sergeant?"

There it was again, that annoying question.

"I'm fine," Luke groused, tapping his fingers on his thigh. He was sitting in the office of Dr. Janet Martinez, one of the shrinks in the Landstuhl psychiatric ward.

Luke had been told that he needed to get a psychiatric release before heading home. They said it was routine. However, Luke had a feeling that there was more to it. The fact of the matter was that Luke didn't like discussing his feelings. Especially not with a person he'd never met before. He had a hard enough time opening up to Lorelai.

"It might sound like a strange request, but could you describe how you're feeling without using the words fine, okay, alright, or good?" Dr. Martinez pressed.

Luke sighed and dropped his head back. Where there other synonyms for fine? He felt like being difficult.

"I'm tired," he gave in. "And I just want to go home."

"Okay, what's waiting for you at home?"

"My fiance, Lorelai. She's pregnant" he explained brusquely. He wasn't sure how much he wanted to share-he didn't really want to answer any questions about how he was going to help care for  _two_  babies while sporting a busted knee.  _He_  knew it was an issue. He didn't need some smart-ass doctor to tell him that.

"You don't sound happy about it," Dr. Martinez responded.

"I'm unhappy about being here answering these questions."

 _Why exactly am I angry_ , Luke wondered. Sure, he didn't want to talk about feelings, but this doctor was only trying to do her job. The anger was almost outside of his control. Luke knew, logically, that she probably knew what she was talking about, but he didn't want to admit that her help was what he needed. What Luke needed was to be home with his family. Everything would be better the moment he got home.

Except that he was crippled. And he had two babies on the way. And Lorelai wouldn't be able to take care of all three of them by herself. They didn't have a plan. Why didn't they have a plan?

Dr. Martinez sat back in her chair. "I'm here to help you, Luke. Something is clearly on your mind."

Luke sighed. He could give an inch. She was only trying to help. Right?

"I guess I'm a little worried about being a burden on Lorelai. Are you going to prevent me from going home because I'm worried about my fiance?"

Ramirez smiled at him and crossed her arms. "Of course not, but I can help you figure out a plan. And I can help you find veteran support services for when you get home. However, besides that, I do want you to tell me about the first IED attack when the men in your unit were killed."

Luke's pulse raced. She wasn't beating around the bush. "I don't want to talk about that."

"Sergeant," she began. "I'm not just here to sign a psych evaluation, I'm here to help you. You experienced a trauma. Someone reported seeing you suffering from a panic attack in the rec room yesterday and was concerned you're dealing with more than physical injuries."

Not really knowing where this was going, Luke stayed quiet. He focused his attention outside the window behind the doctor.

"I'm not going to stop you from going home. But I do want to put you into a psychiatric program when you get there."

"A program?" Luke asked, wondering what that meant exactly. He started to bounce his healthy leg. He was afraid of that word,  _psychiatric_.

"Group therapy. It'll help you work through your trauma."

"No," Luke responded immediately and crossed his arms. His heart started to pound faster. "I'm not spilling my guts in front of a bunch of strangers."

"If you don't make a good faith agreement to attend I can't release you."

More than anything, at that moment, Luke wanted to stand up and walk away. Not be chained to a wheelchair. He was suddenly intensely angry and wanted to go and yell at someone. All he could manage at the moment was to clamp his mouth closed, flex his jaw, clench his fists, and breath heavily through his nostrils.

"There's an intensive veterans support group in Hartford with an open seat. They meet five days a week, although you'll be able to reduce your time as you pass through the program." Ramirez stood and handed a clipboard and pen to Luke.

"I can tell that whatever happened over there has you twisted up, Sergeant. If you can't tell me, that's fine, but you'll need to work through it with someone. If you don't want to do this for yourself, at least do it for your family. Do you really want to bring this anger home to them?"

Luke felt tears burning his eyes and signed the form blindly. Dr. Ramirez handed him his release paperwork, information about the therapy program, and wished him well on his journey.

_Tell me what's been happening, what's been on your mind_

_Lately you've been searching for a darker place_

_To hide, that's alright_

_But if you carry on abusing, you'll be robbed from us_

_I refuse to lose another friend to drugs_

_Just come home, don't let go_

"My god, Emily did what now?" Sookie asked Lorelai, shock evident on her face.

Lorelai laughed. "She wants me to hire a nanny. She already had a staffing agency find candidates. The part that surprised me the most was that I wasn't really surprised."

Sookie was sitting on the floor of Lorelai's bedroom assembling the second cradle. Lorelai could hear Jackson downstairs still working on the changing table.

"Will you take her up on it?"

Lorelai shrugged. "If I am being honest, we will need help. I won't make a call until after Luke gets home and can process the idea. I think in the end we might."

"Wow, this is new for you," Sookie joked.

"I'm not 16 years old anymore," Lorelai explained. "I'm not as proud as I used to be. I'm not as stubborn. I'm also very pregnant. And very overwhelmed. This is one thing I am going to choose to not over-analyze. Although, I am sure my mother will make me regret my choice-on multiple occasions-but I have a lifetime of experience when it comes to disapproving Emily Gilmore."

"You do, it's true." Sookie concentrated on turning a tiny screw into a hole she had to squint to see.

"Besides, Emily Gilmore's wrath is the least of my worries. I'm worried about Luke," Lorelai said to her friend. Her tone was serious and concern was clear in her voice. "I think I called him during a full blown panic attack the other day."

"Do you think it's PTSD?"

"I don't know," Lorelai told her. "Luke doesn't want to talk to me about it. He says he's uncomfortable doing it over the phone. But I just spoke to his counselor over there, and she said they're enrolling him in a group therapy program in Hartford five nights a week. She also said she he can't get a diagnosis until he's been fully analyzed by a therapist."

"Aren't there like HIPAA laws that prevent you from getting that information? I mean you guys aren't technically married yet," Sookie asked, genuinely curious.

"Luke gave me power of attorney before he left," Lorelai explained. At the time she thought it had all been rather morbid, but it had given her a view into his medical journey that she greatly appreciated now. Especially with Luke closing off as he was known to do.

"Oh, that was smart."

"Mmm," Lorelai agreed. "I just want him home. I can't sleep I'm so worried. I'll feel better when he's here."

"Tomorrow's the big day!" Sookie said cheerily. Finished with the second tiny crib she stood, groaning.

Lorelai nodded, concentrating on folding a little newborn onesie over her belly. It was light green with a big yellow duck on the front. Lorelai wondered how was it possible that this was her life now.

"I never could have imagined I'd be here. Not even two years ago."

Sookie smiled at her friend and moved to sit beside her, before picking up more baby clothing to fold.

"I have a new house," Lorelai continued. "I own my own inn, my daughter is way smarter than I am, I'm engaged, and I'm expecting. I honestly wasn't sure I'd ever get married or have more kids."

"It's amazing how one day you blink and realize it all just sort of happened."

Lorelai wiped away a tear. "I'm so torn between actually feeling happy about my life and being worried out of my mind. I've been hitting the Ben & Jerry's hard."

"Ben  _and_  Jerry are always there to listen. I bet Luke is anxious to get home so he can cook you some real food," Sookie responded, chuckling. "Besides, you  _are_  lucky and you  _should_  be happy. You and Luke both deserve to be."

"He's a good one." Lorelai cracked a smile and rubbed her baby bump. "And he'll be home tomorrow."

"He is. You guys will be okay."

_If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill_

_Guiding like a lighthouse to a place where you'll be_

_Safe to feel at grace 'cause we've all made mistakes_

_If you've lost your way_

_I will leave the light on_

Nervous couldn't even begin to describe how Luke was feeling. His stomach felt like it was doing somersaults and he thought he might to hurl at any given moment. He was about to see Lorelai again and all he could feel were the nerves and anxiety. He knew the moment he saw her it would all melt away, but until then the waiting felt like an eternity.

The military families were all waiting in an aircraft hanger nearby. Sean was pushing Luke in a wheelchair, following their fellow soldiers as they made their way across the tarmac. The group of soldiers returning home was part of a contingent that had received medical releases. All of which were buzzing with excitement.

Luke scratched at his beard stubble. He had stopped shaving a few days ago at the hospital and regretted the decision. He wasn't sure how much Lorelai would like it, especially if she allowed him to kiss her.  _God_ , he thought,  _I really need to kiss her._

"You ready, Sarge?" Sean asked, leaning over Luke's shoulder.

"You have no idea," Luke told him. He took a deep breath and held it as Sean pushed them through the big hangar doors. Luke kept an eye out for Lorelai. He knew he should have called her before he left, asked her what she was going to wear so he could find her easily, but he had been too ashamed to call. She was about to marry a complete basketcase. He didn't want her to suddenly change her mind about him.

He really wanted to be walking right now, not pushed in a wheelchair. Regardless, Luke was determined to stand on his one good leg as soon as he saw his fiance. Nothing was going to stop him from holding her in his arms. He'd only been away for a few months and had seen her a few weeks prior, but it had felt like an eternity.

He scanned the crowd looking for that dark head of curly hair. She was probably wearing a bright color and one of those wrap-around dresses. He'd always liked untying those dresses. They were like little presents.

 _Concentrate, Danes_ , he schooled himself. Where was she? Luke started to worry as he saw and heard soldiers reuniting with their families. Had Lorelai decided not to come? Was she okay? Were the babies okay?

Before Luke could work up a really good worry, he heard her call his name. She was crying. And then there she was standing in front of him in a blue dress that made her eyes shine. Luke was up on his good leg in one swift motion and had enveloped her in his arms in no time. He couldn't talk, he just held her and cried.

He wasn't quite sure how long they stood like that, but at one point Lorelai pulled back and wiped the tears from his face.

"I saw you two weeks ago," she cried, resting her forehead against his. "It feels like two years ago."

Luke just smiled, closed his eyes, and kissed her. All of his nerves were gone.

_If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill_

_Guiding like a lighthouse, it's a place where you'll be_

_Safe to feel at grace and if you've lost your way_

_If you've lost your way_

_I will leave the light on_

"One pillow okay?" Lorelai asked, holding up the pillow in question. Luke smiled at her and moved his injured knee so she could brace it with the pillow. He was wearing boxers and a green military tee and was content to sit and watch Lorelai get ready for bed.

The journey up the stairs had been a bit trying. It was tricky with the crutches but Luke was confident that he'd have the hang of it in no time. He'd also let Lorelai help him get undressed and ready for bed, which was an ordeal because he became erect embarrassingly fast when she unzipped his pants. Luke had just laughed it off and pulled his t-shirt down, but Lorelai just smiled and kissed him. Nothing had progressed from there, but Luke was glad that things weren't too awkward between them.

Luke laid back and admired Lorelai's body. When he was in the hospital he hadn't really had the chance to see just how much her physique had changed since she became pregnant. They hadn't exactly been in a private place at the time. He was so glad he got to see her like this before the babies were born and that he wasn't missing out on all of the milestones.

"You enjoying the show?" Lorelai asked him as she removed her top. Luke cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably on the bed. He did notice earlier that her breasts were larger but didn't realize just how much bigger. And in an instant, his little predicament was back. Or rather, his big predicament. Lorelai noticed and sat next to him on the bed. She put her hand on his lower abdomen.

"Is it safe?" Luke asked, clearly concerned. "I wouldn't want to, you know, hurt the babies."

"Mmmhmm," Lorelai mumbled, smiling. She kissed him, this time with tongue. It was a little awkward, trying to make out around her belly, but they managed.

"I don't want to hurt your knee," she said quietly as she pulled back.

"We can figure something out," Luke said. His voice was an octave deeper.

"Can I take this off?" he asked, touching her bra.

Lorelai nodded. Luke sat up to kiss her again and unlatched it with one hand.

"They're tender," she told quietly him between kisses. Luke pulled back to take her in, bare breasts and pregnant belly.

"Beautiful," he muttered, roaming her body with his eyes and softly caressing her with his fingertips. "I need you."

"Me too," she whispered.

_Hiding from the truth ain't gonna make this all okay_

_I'll see your pain if you don't feel our grace_

_And if you've lost your way_

_I will leave the light on_

"That was…" Luke began. Lorelai could feel his voice rumble from under her ear. She was laying on her side, with her head on Luke's chest, and her belly pressed tightly to his side. Luke had one hand on her shoulder and the other touching her womb with the tips of his fingers. She knew she'd soon be too sweaty and uncomfortable to be in that position for long, but for the moment it felt amazing. Laying naked with him again felt amazing.

"Wonderful?" she asked, smiling into his chest.

"Yeah," he said quietly as he caressed her arm. "God, I missed you."

"Me too. Is your leg okay? Does it hurt?"

"It's fine," he assured her before leaning forward to kiss the top of her head. They had propped his knee back up on the spare pillow when they were done.

"I love you so much," he confessed. Lorelai hugged him with her free arm.

"I love  _you_  so much," she responded, her voice barely audible.

_If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill_

_Guiding like a lighthouse to a place where you'll be_

_Safe to feel at grace 'cause we've all made mistakes_

_If you've lost your way_

_I will leave the light on_

"You ready to do this?"

Rory stood by the door of Luke's diner holding the doorknob. She wearing a short sleeve knee length pink floral dress and a white blazer.

"How do I look?" Lorelai asked. She was wearing an ivory floor length empire waist maternity gown with flutter sleeves and a garland of little pink satin flowers in her loose hair. Rory wore a matching garland.

"So beautiful," Rory cried. She let go of the doorknob to hug her mother. Soon after she was escorting Lorelai to the Stars Hollow gazebo.

Luke stood up by Miss Patty, their officiant, his smile going from ear to ear. Luke was wearing dark wash jeans-at Lorelai's insistence-held up by a thick leather belt, with a light blue collared shirt tucked into them. His brace, which was unavoidable, was strapped on over his jeans. He also sported a dark purple tie, blue blazer, a fresh shave, and haircut. No baseball cap, but Lorelai had one with "Just Married" embroidered on the front waiting for him in the diner.

Next to Luke stood his best man, Sean McCann, and along the rails of the gazebo was Emily and Richard, Sookie, Jackson, Babbette, Liz, TJ, and Jess. Luke wasn't supposed to be on his feet yet but had gotten clearance from his doctor to stand up at the ceremony, as long as he had his crutches. All of their friends in town had shown up on the lawn to witness the ceremony. None seeming to care that it was the coldest month of the year.

Lorelai was a bit chilled but refused to wear a coat to cover up the perfect gown that she'd ordered off of Etsy.  _To be fair,_  she thought,  _I am wearing long underwear_.

Because of Lorelai's condition, Luke had originally objected to having an outdoor ceremony. However, he gave in when it had become clear that Lorelai was not going to take no for an answer.

When Lorelai and Rory reached the gazebo, Rory handed her mother's arm to Luke and stepped into her place as Maid of Honor. Luke immediately reached for Lorelai's hands and began to rub them to chase away the cold.

Miss Patty began the ceremony.

"I know everyone is close to freezing their privates off, so I'll just get started. I've known Luke since he was just a baby, and Lorelai I met a when she was a young woman with an infant daughter.

"If I am being honest, which I always am, I was absolutely delighted when I heard Lorelai and Luke were finally dating. It was clear they fit together like two interlocking puzzle pieces. Lorelai, our deal ethereal child, has a tendency to float above us in the clouds and bounce about like a spark of electricity. Luke, on the other hand, is made of solid stone and has a habit of burying himself deep below the Earth. Together, when they're holding hands, they find a balance that brings them both to the surface."

Several people in the crowd smiled. Others looked confused. Emily Gilmore lifted an eyebrow.

"Luke and Lorelai have always had a great deal of chemistry. Their love is palpable. It has survived hardship and sacrifice. It has survived war and passion. Their love has helped them grow, change, and see the world differently.

"I, for one, am very excited to see where this marriage leads. To see how their family continues to grow-although hopefully Lorelai doesn't have twins a second time."

Chuckles were heard throughout the crowd. Luke cleared his throat.

"I know dear, you're cold," Miss Patty joked, patting Luke on the arm. "I'll get on to the vows so you can kiss her and drag her inside. Our couple has written vows they'd like to exchange. Luke, you may go first."

Luke cleared his throat and swallowed. He tightened his grip on Lorelai's hands and smiled.

"Lorelai," he began. "I realized recently that I have loved you since the day we first met. I've heard people say things along those lines before and I always thought it was sentimental nonsense. But I get it now. I would do anything for you. You bring light into my life. You managed to open up my heart-something I didn't know was even possible. When I was overseas, you were the light in the darkness. You were what got me through every single day. Lorelai, I promise you, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy."

Lorelai, up until this point, had been struggling to keep her tears at bay but they finally broke loose when Luke began to recite his vows.

"Luke," Lorelai said, looking down at their hands for a moment before meeting his eyes. "I thought that I needed to be alone in order to be a successful mother, in order to succeed in life. But after I moved to Stars Hollow, I was never doing anything alone because you were always there. Even before we were together, you were always there. Supporting me, helping me, counseling me. Even before I realized I was completely in love with you, you were already ingrained in my life. I don't want it any other way. I love you so much Luke, and I can't wait to start the next chapter of our lives together."

Luke sniffled. Lorelai laughed and wiped his tears away with her thumbs before joining hands again.

Miss Patty looked away and wiped her nose with her sleeve.

"Okay, my dears, it's time to exchange rings. Luke, repeat after me. I, Luke Danes, take thee, Lorelai Gilmore..."

"I, Luke Danes, take thee, Lorelai Gilmore. To have and to hold, from this day forth, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for as long as we both shall live."

Luke slipped a silver wedding band onto Lorelai's finger and gripped her hand hard.

"And Lorelai, your turn dear…"


	13. Growing Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Growing Up by Macklemore (feat. Ed Sheeran)
> 
> Here it is! Thank you so much for reading! It means a lot that people are still interested in GG/JavaJunkie fic. I'm also really satisfied with where this story went and the writing quality in the end. Thanks again for your support. :)
> 
> Also, I'm going to start writing some Arrow fanfic here and on FFnet. Feel free to follow me into that fandom if that's your thing.

_They say boys don't cry_

_But your dad has shed a lot of tears_

_They say I should be a strong man_

_But baby, I'm still filled with fear_

_Sometimes I don't know who I am_

_Sometimes I question why I'm here_

_I just wanna be a good dad_

_Will I be I have no idea_

Luke was deliriously happy. After the ceremony, they had retreated to the diner for a casual lunch. Lorelai refused to allow Luke to cook or help in any way which resulted in him sitting at a table in his wheelchair with his braced leg propped up. He wore the cap Lorelai had made for him, that read "Just Married" on the back, and a new silver wedding ring on his finger. Just knowing that it linked him to Lorelai, that he always carried that small part of their wedding day with him, made him smile.

He loved Lorelai so much. He was still unsure what he'd done to make her love him, but it didn't matter anymore. They'd just stood up in front of their friends and family and committed to a lifetime together. He had never felt such joy in his life. Moreover, all of a sudden, Luke was a father. Rory had called him 'stepdad' playfully earlier, and although he knew she was joking, it had touched him deep in his heart. He knew if Rory loved him and looked at him as a father figure, he could be a good father to the twins.

How could he be unhappy on this wonderful day? So many of the townsfolk had shown up for him and Lorelai. They were like family and it meant so much to him that they were all there. Sean was also fitting in well, he'd gotten into a pointed argument with Taylor Doose earlier and held his own without flinching. Luke couldn't have been more pleased. At the moment, Sean was sitting between Miss Patty and Babette, blushing as they chatted with him. Luke thought he probably should have warned Sean about getting stuck between those two, considering the pair thought no topic was too indelicate, but Sean seemed to be happy to have the attention.

Lorelai walked out of the kitchen holding a dish filled with chicken tenders balanced partially on her belly and stopped briefly to set them on the counter. Luke had told her going into the kitchen might get her pretty dress dirty, but she just laughed and asked him when she was going to have occasion to wear a maternity wedding gown again. She looked so beautiful standing there with her hands on the counter, her hair framing her face, and her cheeks rosy.

Grabbing his crutches, Luke rose from his wheelchair and hobbled over to Lorelai. He set the crutches aside and pressed himself into her back, wrapping his arms around her belly.

"Mmm," Lorelai murmured. "That's nice."

"Love you," Luke whispered into her ear.

"Me too," Lorelai responded, leaning her head to the side against his. They stood together for a few minutes, watching their friends and family enjoy each others company.

"This is the perfect day," Lorelai said to him. "I wouldn't change a thing."

Behind them, in the kitchen, Caesar dropped a metal tray. As it fell it must have bounced off of another metal surface because it clanged a few times before settling to the ground. Lorelai and most of the people in attendance didn't flinch, but Luke froze. Sean, still situated between Miss Patty and Babette, rose to his feet.

Luke was still wrapped around Lorelai and the babies. He had an intense desire to tighten his grip, to protect them, but he stopped himself from squeezing her. His heart was racing and he started to sweat. Lorelai turned in his arms and put a hand on his cheek.

"Babe?" she asked, clearly concerned. Luke blinked away tears and pressed a fist to his heart. Sean appeared behind him with his wheelchair and put his hand on Luke's shoulder, pushing him down into the seat. Lorelai crouched in front of him.

"Breath, Luke," Sean said quietly. "Just take a few deep breaths."

Luke put his head down and concentrated on breathing. He wished the shaking would stop. He didn't want Lorelai to look at him like that.

"Just need a minute," he told his wife. Sean wheeled him back towards the storage room as Lorelai watched, still crouched down, her face strained with worry.

_They say girls shouldn't be tough_

_And moms should raise their kids at home_

_But baby, I know that that isn't true_

_'Cause your momma's the toughest person I know_

_I wanna raise you to be like her_

_And watch you show the world how to do it on your own_

"You're having a panic attack," Sean told him. They were currently huddled in the storage room and Sean was crouched in front of Luke.

"We can leave if you want," Sean continued. "But there's nothing here to be afraid of."

Luke nodded and continued to concentrate on his breathing.

"This is only temporary, it'll go away soon, okay?"

Luke nodded again, rubbing his hands on his thighs.

"I think Lorelai is pretty worried, is it okay if I get her?" Sean asked him quietly. Luke bobbed his head and Sean disappeared for a minute.

Luke was looking at his hands in his lap and breathing deeply when they returned.

"He's having a panic attack," Sean explained to Lorelai. She moved to kneel in front of Luke as Sean crouched next to her.

"I was just telling Luke that we can leave the diner if he thinks it'll make him feel better. Also, that he's safe here, and that the panic is only temporary."

Lorelai nodded and put her hand on Luke's. "It's safe here, Babe, but we'll do whatever you want."

He gripped her hand hard.

"Let's talk about something," Sean said. He sat back on the floor and crossed his legs. Lorelai followed his cue and sat back as well while still holding Luke's hand.

"Sean, do you like to fish?" Lorelai asked him calmly. Sean nodded and motioned for her to continue. "Luke tried to teach me how to fish once. I had gotten roped into going on a fishing date with a guy because I'd told him that I knew how to fish."

"That guy owned a coffee shop. Lorelai has a type," Luke groused between deep breaths. He squeezed her hand. Lorelai laughed.

"I used to go fly fishing with my old man," Sean told them. "But I was way more interested in casting the fly through the air than catching anything."

"I love fly fishing," Luke cut in. "We could go when the weather warms up. The Farmington River is great for fly fishing. And beer drinking."

"I'd love that," Sean responded.

Luke sat back in his wheelchair and let his head hang back. The shaking has stopped and his heart rate was returning to normal. Sean smiled, stood, and gave Lorelai a hand up.

"I'll let you wheel him out," Sean told her before slipping out the door.

"Okay, babe?" Lorelai asked him.

Luke nodded, gathering his thoughts. "I'm exhausted. I'm sorry for scaring you."

"Luke, I vowed to stand by your side in sickness and in health. I'm here for you no matter what."

Luke reached for her hand and nodded, blinking away tears.

"I didn't expect to cry so much today," he confessed, wiping under his eyes.

"Crying is good, baby," she responded quietly. "It helps relieve stress."

Luke closed his eyes and took a calming breath.

"Sean's a good one," Lorelai continued, squeezing his hand. "I'm so grateful to him, not just for saving your life."

"I am, too."

_I'm still tryna figure out who I am_

_I don't wanna mess this up or do this wrong_

_I'm gonna be there for your first breath_

_I don't know if I'll be there for your first step_

_I can promise you that I'll try to work less_

Lorelai walked beside Sean as he wheeled Luke back to the house from the diner that night. Lorelai had wanted to do it, but Sean explained pushing him through slush, gravel, and snow was a lot different from pushing him across the diner floor. Lorelai was wearing a white wool jacket, a large fluffy white winter hat, and a giant fluffy white muffler. She loved dressing up in cute winter gear, but let Luke think that she was only wearing a hat at his insistence.

Luke himself was wearing a wool peacoat and a tartan scarf wrapped around his neck and held his crutches flat across his lap. As they approached the steps of their home a few lazy snowflakes began to fall from the sky. Lorelai gasped and looked up.

Smiling to himself, Luke quietly told Sean that they were all set, and sat back to watch his wife. She was smiling up at the sky and spinning in slow lazy circles.

"Beautiful," Luke murmured to himself. He wanted to stand and hold her in the snow but was content to sit back and allow her to enjoy the moment. Besides the one episode, it really had been a perfect day.

_I won't spoil you, you can trust that_

_For your sweet sixteen, you get a bus pass_

_Had your heart broken, been there, done that_

_I love you and I can't give you enough of that_

"February 21st," Lorelai asked, agitation clear in her voice.

"I know," Luke groused. "It's not the best timing."

"It's the day after we move into the new house, Luke!" Lorelai complained. "We're going to be up to our eyeballs in boxes."

Lorelai was seated cross-legged on the floor in their family room, working on wrapping items in bubble wrap and placing them in boxes. Luke was sitting on the couch, his leg propped up on a chair, folding clothing on his lap before putting everything into another box.

"That's the only date they can do the surgery."

"I know," Lorelai responded. "We have not had the best luck when it comes to these things."

"We'll be okay," Luke reassured her. "I'm sure Sookie will fire up a flare as soon as she finds out."

The Danes crib, which is what Lorelai had taken to calling it over 'the big house', was almost complete. Most of the work that was needed on the third floor would have to wait until Luke was fully healed. To save money, he planned to finish the rest of the renovations himself. Lorelai had originally hoped to move Sean into the third floor apartment, which Rory had graciously agreed to, but in the end he seemed happier with the idea of living above the diner. Sean was also helping Caesar manage Luke's Diner, which came as a great relief to Luke due to him being off his feet.

Lorelai, if she was being honest with herself, was more than happy to receive the news that the house would be ready before the babies came. Her home, which she loved so dearly, was too small for their family. She also knew that it was possible one day down the road that they could decide to have a fourth child. Luke agreed to not sell it, knowing how much her first house meant to her, and instead to rent it out for the time being.

"At least the Danes crib has a full first-floor bathroom so we can set up our bed downstairs for the time being. You won't have to use the stairs after your knee replacement."

"Okay. But would you stop calling the house that?" Luke groused, tossing another folded shirt into his box.

"It's too late, love," Lorelai told him, smiling. "Everyone in town is calling it that now."

Luke sighed and looked at his watch. "Sean will be here soon."

"Oh!" Lorelai put her packing down and struggled to stand. When she finally got up to her feet she heard a car pull into the gravel driveway. "I completely lost track of time, babe."

Lorelai helped Luke rise to his good leg, which was comical in and of itself and handed him his crutches. Sean walked through the front door just as Lorelai was grabbing Luke's army jacket.

"Ready to go, Sarge?" Sean asked, taking in the packing and boxes strewn across the floor. "Want me to help you pack, Lorelai? I've got some time this weekend."

"That would be amazing, Sean," Lorelai told him, smiling. Once Luke got his coat on she kissed him loudly on his stubbled cheek.

"Do I get a kiss, too?" Sean asked flirtatiously.

"Don't hit on my wife," Luke groused to Sean as he hobbled out the door.

"If I was straight you wouldn't stand a chance," Sean responded laughing. "Now let's go get your head shrunk."

 _Get back to_ community _that raised you up_

_Read Langston Hughes, I suggest A Raisin in the Sun_

_Listen to Sam Cooke, a change gon' come_

_You put the work in, don't worry about the praise, my love_

Hospital waiting rooms were probably Lorelai's least favorite place on the entire planet, even more than her parent's dining room. The chairs were always uncomfortable, which was expounded by the fact that Lorelai was six months pregnant and her back was almost constantly aching. It didn't help that the day before they had moved all of their worldly possessions into a new home. Lorelai hadn't been allowed to carry anything but she still managed to exhaust herself in the process. Because Luke hadn't been allowed to help, either, they'd hired movers.

After the movers left all they'd managed to do was set up a temporary bedroom in the family room. Sookie had made the bed for Lorelai just in time for her to lay down in it and take a nap. She'd fallen asleep to the sounds of Luke hobbling around in the kitchen as he unpacked and unloaded things into the cabinets. He wasn't technically supposed to be doing that work, but she'd given up on reminding him of that. They were both pretty stubborn when they dug their heels in. And to be fair, if Sookie or she unpacked the kitchen, Luke would just spend a few hours after he recovered rearranging the entire thing.

I love that man so much, Lorelai thought to herself, rubbing her belly. If anything happens to him… No, she stopped herself. She knew she couldn't go down that train of thought. That way lies madness. She rose to her feet and started to pace in front of the seats, rubbing her lower back.

"You okay, mom?" Rory asked. She'd been sitting to the right of her mother. Sean, sitting to Lorelai's left, was currently leaning back in his seat snoring.

No, she thought, I'm definitely not. She wasn't about to tell Rory that.

"I'll be okay, sweets. I'm going to head over to the vending machines. Want anything?"

Rory shook her head.

After finding a stash of red vines in Lorelai's night side table before the move, Luke had basically banned her from eating any sweets. Which, to be fair, her doctor had also warned her against. But she needed her sugary companions tonight. When she finally reached the vending machine area all they had for licorice was Twizzlers. Disappointed, she grabbed a Twix and ate it before Rory or Sean could come down the hall and catch her. Luke had recruited allies to make sure his wife was eating proper meals.

Since Luke had been back he'd jumped into the role of prospective father with alacrity. He'd consulted on the arrangement of the nursery, discussed further baby names at great length, and read that entire 'What To Expect When You're Expecting' cover to cover. Multiple times. Lorelai herself hadn't bothered to read it. She'd already brought one baby into this word. I'm old hat at this, she thought to herself. Even if all of her knowledge was outdated, Rory had survived into her 20s, her mother had to have done a few things right.

Luke was also attending his group therapy meetings in Hartford five nights a week, Monday through Friday, from 6 to 7:30 pm. Lorelai drove him for the first week, but couldn't stand to be in the car for that long, so Sean took up the mantle. Because Luke couldn't drive, Sean had been borrowing Luke's truck on a regular basis.

Her husband being in Hartford so frequently was starting to wear on Lorelai. She hoped his psychiatrist would eventually reduce his time there. Hopefully before the babies were born because she really needed him at home. She was grateful that Luke was getting the medication and support he needed; the improvement in his attitude was clearly evident. He'd never been great at sharing his feelings or talking through problems, but he'd been able to open up to her about his time with the Army and that meant the world to Lorelai.

Sean had actually given Lorelai a book on how to deal with a spouse with PTSD. That Lorelai had read cover to cover and it helped her immensely when Luke's panic and fear set in. It had only happened a few times since their wedding, but Lorelai was getting better at helping Luke through it. They still had a long road ahead of them. Luke would be in therapy and on medication for a long time, but they had a map and they weren't alone.

"You cheating?" a voice shocked her out of her revery.

Lorelai jumped.

Sean was leaning against a vending machine next to her. Lorelai realized she'd been staring at the sugary snacks for several minutes. She tried not to look guilty but realized the Twix wrapper was still in her hand.

"Caught me," she confessed, letting her head hang in mock sadness.

"I won't tell him," Sean responded and offered her his arm. "Come sit down."

Her back was still aching. Sitting sounded nice. She grabbed his arm and slowly walked back to her chair.

_Don't try to change the world, find something that you love_

_And do it every day_

_Do that for the rest of your life_

_And eventually, the world will change_

"He looks like a baby," Sookie whispered to Lorelai. They were standing together in the large arched entryway of the family room, watching Luke snooze in bed. They'd gotten home from the hospital a little while before, and Luke had been too tired to do much else. He was currently wearing sweats with one leg cut off above the knee and his standard issue green tee. His knee was bandaged and propped up on a pillow. Luke's arms were splayed to the left and right and the blankets were kicked off. Lorelai put a hand over her heart at the sight of him, utterly spent and completely zonked out.

"He's cute, I think I'll keep him," she said quietly. Lorelai motioned Sookie to the kitchen where she sat at the new large wooden table. Sookie prepared two cups of tea and brought them over before sitting down.

"So, I loaded your freezer with frozen casseroles," Sookie told her. "They should all be Luke approved, but I made sure to include some of your favorites."

"Sook, I don't know what I would have done without you." Lorelai wrapped her hands around her mug. She had no intention of drinking the tea, but was welcomed the warmth.

"You'd do the same for me. Well, you'd have Luke make the casseroles," Sookie told her chuckling.

"He would," Lorelai agreed, smiling. "And he'd complain the entire time."

Lorelai felt a wall inside of her break and suddenly she was weeping. She cried into her mug with her friend beside her rubbing her back. She'd been running since Luke came home, preparing a wedding, moving, and getting ready for surgery, she hadn't really had time to process all of her emotions. They weren't exactly sad tears. It was more of a release. This time she didn't fight it, she let the flood come, and was grateful to have her friend by her side.

_I'll be patient, one more month_

_You'll wrap your fingers round my thumb_

_Times are changing, I know, but who am I if_

_I'm the person you become_

_If I'm still growing up_

"Can't we just hire the West girl your mother liked?" Luke groused. Lorelai had put Emily's list of potential nannies on his lap and asked him to look through it with her.

"Can you hear yourself right now?" Lorelai asked him, shocked. She was seated next to him on their giant new reclining sofa. Luke had his leg rest up and his knee was propped up on a pillow. "And besides, woman, not girl."

"Huh?" Luke asked.

"She's a woman," Lorelai clarified. "Not a girl."

"So?" Luke wondered what the big deal was.

"How would you feel if you went to a job interview where people referred to you as that Danes boy?"

"Okay, fine, the West woman, she sounded fine."

"Just look with me, baby," Lorelai wheedled, opening the folder. After a few minutes of perusing the other options, Sara West did seem like the best candidate. She had attended a four-year college, was an amateur novelist, and had been nanny to two previous families who provided glowing reviews.

Lorelai had brought up the subject of Emily and Richard Gilmore paying for a nanny after Luke's surgery. At first, Luke was hesitant about the idea-he didn't like receiving handouts-but he knew this was to support his wife. They would need help with twins, and Luke wouldn't be at 100% when they were born. He agreed to accept this gift, but only temporarily, until he was wholly recovered and could participate fully in parenting.

"So, Sara West, it is..." Lorelai had a feeling that Emily most likely chose weak candidates to reinforce her own preference, but Sara West did genuinely seem like a good pick. "I'll call my mom and ask her to set up an interview."

_I recommend that you read The Alchemist_

_Listen to your teachers, but cheat in calculus_

_Tell the truth, regardless of the consequence_

_And every day, give your momma a compliment_

"I'm not sure I was really there yet. My head was home with my wife, well she wasn't my wife at the time, but I was still there with her. But then I got into that humvee and before I knew it an IED went off and all of a sudden I was ripped out of that bubble. I realized I could die there. I realized I didn't want to die there."

Luke paused, trying to gather his thoughts. He was seated in a circle of chairs with other military veterans. He hadn't been able to bring himself to speak much about his experience in the Army but finally felt ready. He'd been two weeks out of knee surgery and had taken his first steps in rehab earlier in the day. He figured if he could start walking, he could start talking.

"And then I held a bloody kid in my arms. He was the same age as my step-daughter. And I realized I'd rather die than let that kid die. But he did die. And I realized it wasn't all about me."

His heart started to pound and his hands started to shake. I can do this, he thought to himself.

"I caught another IED a few weeks later. It blew my knee out and cut up my belly. It knocked me unconscious-it was a small mercy because I don't really remember it happening. But if I'm being honest it was a fucking relief that I was the one hit that time. That I didn't have to watch another kid die right in front of me.

"The kid's name was Kevin Michaels and he wanted me to tell his girlfriend Lucy that he was sorry. He was 21 years old and planned to use his GI bill to go to college when his contract was up. Lucy was his high school sweetheart and she'd gotten pregnant when she was 19. Kevin had joined the Army after their baby was born because he wanted to make something of himself. He wanted to show his daughter that her old man was someone she could be proud of. I got to go home but Kevin's daughter doesn't have a father anymore."

Luke's face was wet from tears and he took a moment to wipe at his cheeks with a tissue.

"After talking it through with my wife I realized that I can still honor Kevin's memory. I feel guilty for surviving, but I didn't have anything to do with the bomb going off. I'm not the one that killed Kevin."

Luke stopped talking but he wasn't done sharing. He'd let the flood gates open and didn't want to lose his nerve.

"I…" he began. He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I have panic attacks. It's strange. Whenever I hear a loud clang or a pop, like an explosion or gun going off, it makes me jump and my heart pounds. My palms get all sweaty and I feel like I might throw up. PTSD."

Luke paused, choosing his next words carefully. "My wife is pregnant with twins. I was so afraid of coming home to her as this broken person. I've been off my feet since the attack. I was so afraid she wouldn't want this broken shell of a man so I buried everything as deep as I could. I didn't want to be a burden on her.

"Just the thought of her caring for two crying babies and then having to cook and clean for me as well. It made me sick. I was disgusted with myself. And then I realized that I was also hurting her. She was the person I really needed but I was pushing her away."

He drew in a shaky breath. "And when I finally talked to her about it all she was amazing. She reminded me of our wedding vows: in sickness and in health. In my head I automatically tell myself that I don't deserve her, but I'm trying to remind myself that I do deserve her."

_I'll be patient, one more month_

_You'll wrap your fingers round my thumb_

_Times are changing, I know, but who am I_

_If I'm the person you become_

_If I'm still growing up_

"Would you please stop?" Luke asked Lorelai desperately. He reached for her phone but she held it out of his range. She pulled back and took another photo of him. Luke grumbled and hobbled away on his crutches.

Lorelai was seated with Rory at their favorite table in Luke's Diner. They'd been there for two hours since Luke started his shift at 8 am. It was his first shift since being back home and Lorelai was more excited than Luke.

"Did you see the way he poured that coffee?" Lorelai said to Rory conspiratorially. Rory nodded sagely and pretended to study Luke's movements.

Luke put the coffee pot down and stared angrily at his wife.

Lorelai put her hands up and smiled. "Fine, fine, we're leaving!"

She struggled to stand, but Luke was by her side in a flash, helping her stand with a hand on her arm and one on her back. Lorelai was eight months pregnant and ready to be done with the whole ordeal.

"Rory, are you driving your mother home?" Luke asked patiently.

"Stop it, we live two blocks from here!"

"Your knees have been bothering you," Luke said patiently.

"I have my car out front," Rory cut in, pointing across the street. She put one hand on Lorelai's arm and steered her toward the door.

Once they made it to Rory's car, Lorelai stood outside the passenger side door looking into the diner as Luke hobbled around on his crutches. "Isn't he so hot?" Lorelai asked wistfully.

"Mom. He's my stepdad. Stop," Rory groused, climbing into her car.

_Don't wake your mom up, do yoga, learn 'bout karma_

_Find God, but leave the dogma_

_The quickest way to happiness learning to be selfless_

_Ask more questions, talk about yourself less_

It took effort to act calm. To pretend that he actually wanted Lorelai to leave the diner after she'd been sitting there all morning. The truth was that Luke wanted to spend every minute he had by her side. It made him nervous to watch Rory drive off with her. He knew he was being overprotective so he pretended to be the grumpy miserly diner owner. Thankfully he had a job to that provided a nice distraction. After all, he couldn't sit at home all day and let Sean and Caesar run the diner. The twins would be there soon and there would be time enough for that.

"It's so good to see you back, dear," Miss Patty intoned as Luke delivered her food while using only one crutch. "Although, we do enjoy watching Sean serve our meals. He is so roguishly handsome."

"Leave the boy alone, can't you see he's trying to do his job?" Babette joked.

Luke smiled and retreated behind the counter. The phone rang but he ignored it as he entered an order into his cash register. Caesar popped around from the kitchen to answer and immediately handed it off to Luke.

"Yeah?" Luke asked into the phone, barely paying attention.

"It's time," came Lorelai's voice through the line.

"Time? I've got a few more hours left," Luke explained patiently.

"No, Luke, time to go have our babies," Lorelai explained quietly. Luke dropped the phone.

"Caesar!" he yelled. "Lorelai's in labor. I'm out! Call Sean!"

_I'll be patient, one more month_

_You'll wrap your fingers round my thumb_

_Times are changing, I know, but who am I if_

_I'm the person you become_

_If I'm still growing up_

Situated on a hospital bed in the maternity ward, Lorelai seemed so calm. Luke knew she'd been there before but it had been over 20 years since Rory was born. It had been a few minutes since the last contraction and the doctors told them the twins were almost ready to come into the world. Luke was beyond nervous.

"Our babies are almost here," Lorelai told him, a tear slipping down her cheek. She reached for his hand. Luke stopped pacing next to her to grab it.

"I can't believe this is happening," Luke told her, trying to steady his breathing.

"You're going to be such a great dad," Lorelai said smiling. The next contraction came and their doctor rushed into the room.

_Watch the sunset with best friends from a rooftop_

_Wear a helmet, don't be stupid, jaywalk, but look before you do it_

_If it snows, go outside, build a jump, get some help_

_Get a sled, thrash the hill with your friends, 'til it melts_

_Go to festivals, camp, fall in love and dance_

_You're only young once, my loved one, this is your chance_

_Take risks, 'cause life moves so fast_

"She's perfect," Luke told Lorelai, holding his daughter in his arms. Lorelai was sitting on the hospital bed holding their other baby. Luke still had occasional tears streaming down his face. He didn't think they'd ever stop.

"This one is, too," Lorelai said softly. "Sean."

"I don't think she's a Nessa," Luke told his wife, looking down at his daughter.

"Me either," Lorelai agreed, smiling. "Although this one is definitely a Sean."

Luke chuckled.

"What about Mae?" Lorelai asked him. That was another name they had both liked.

Luke shook his head.

"Not quite right."

Lorelai reached her arm out. "Wanna trade?"

Luke smiled and rose. Carefully he set their daughter in Lorelai's free arm and reached for Sean.

Lorelai looked down at their little baby girl. "Hmmm you're right, this one is not a Mae. Are you a Clementine? An Erin? An Amber?"

Luke gentle swayed side to side with Sean in his arms. "No, no, and no," he said, chuckling.

Lorelai gentle caressed the side of her sleeping face. "A Yolanda? An Alexis? A Maisie?"

"Maisie," Luke said softly, looking closely at their daughter.

"She is," Lorelai intoned, smiling wide. "Maisie Danes."

Luke sat down into his chair and exhaled shakily. "Sean, meet your sister, Maisie."

"They're perfect," Lorelai cried.


End file.
